Saturday, December 26, 2015

Absurd Pandering Behaviors

As Father Yod gathered more and more of the women who populated The Source Family in becoming what he called 'his' women, the degree of absurd pandering and pampered attention paid to him grew to ludicrous proportions to where he was never left alone, but always had an entourage of women following him around attending to his every need; like when an entourage of his 'women' would even accompany him into the bathroom to 'shake his peepee' for him; lest him have to descend from his 'spiritual height' to perform such a task.  A competition grew among the women who were incessantly vying for Father Yod's attention; some spending their days sitting in indolent rapt attention in his presence; eagerly waiting in anticipation to fulfilling his every need or desire.  This is the degree of sycophantic pandering which ensued around Father Yod and the women who competed for his attention.  In every task performed for Father Yod from making his meals to preparing a cup of coffee for him; he was pampered and treated like royalty and served in a reverent way; where the attendance to the needs of Father Yod took precedence over everything else within the group.  This is the extent of ludicrous behavior which ensued within The Source Family:  the worshipful obeisance in attending to all of the needs and desires of Father Yod; where the rest of 'the family' became more like bystanders or worker drones in the ever-increasing worship and adulation of Father Yod and his queen bee, where his orders and instructions were to be acted upon immediately post haste with unquestioning loyalty and devotion using the most common colloquial phrase in 'the source family' that began with the words, "Father said....", and if not acted upon was seen as being negative or anti-family.  Yet, it is amazing to me how some of Father Yod's most stalwart and staunch lieutenants from that time, now want absolutely no association with having been in The Source Family!  It became a very unhealthy social environment within The Source Family, because if you didn't exhibit a worshipful adoration that was expected towards the 'god' whom Jim Baker had supposedly evolved into, especially when he adopted the name 'Yahowha'; than you were seen as lesser within the social strata of 'the family.'  Because everything revolved around the worshipful adoration and idolization of 'Yahowha', something that is still going on today.  But, hanging on 'Yahowha's' every word as though God had just spoken, along with chanting the name Yahowha, and his women incessantly squealing, "Oh, Yahowha!" became representative of the entire dynamic of The Source Family where everything and everyone revolved around the man who changed his name to Yahowha, who was seen as God incarnate, and providing him with the absolute best of whatever amenities were available.  I recall very well how some of the men and women who looked upon Jim Baker with worshipful adoration and obeisance took their role very seriously.  Some came to believe they were superior in many ways to not only the 'other' people who comprised 'the family', but anyone 'outside'  the Source Family as being lesser or not as spiritually evolved; that is the kind of arrogant, spiritual ego that was cultivated within 'the family'.  A couple of those people who became convinced of their 'superiority' or their roles as 'saviors' of mankind and of their own supreme powers from having sat before 'Yahowha' even tried to gather their own followers after The Source Family ended; with disastrous results; especially when a few of the 'sons' went out trying to replicate life within 'the family' by acquiring/having multiple women, just as their idol 'Yahowha' had done.  Even today, a few of the more devote believe themselves to being 'higher' and more highly evolved than people who did not populate The Source Family, and that somehow they alone are carrying on what they continue to see as 'the great work' of 'Yahowha'; a delusional mindset for anyone to continue to possess, in my opinion.  But, that is one of the tragic results of having spent time in a cult such as The Source Family; whereas some people had an extremely difficult time adjusting back into society, and some continue to behave as though they are still in The Source Family cult; continuing to believe that they are the 'saints' and 'sages' and 'saviors' of the world, and so they have enshrined every word spoken and every action performed by their 'spiritual' leader.  But, I witnessed firsthand many of the people who populated The Source Family spiral out of control when it all ended; unsure what to do next; incapable of adjusting to life outside the cult or making a living where many resorted to drug dealing, some incapable of forming new relationships with people who did not share the same cult mentality or use the same 'source' jargon; as well as witnessing several former family members descend into twenty plus years of either drug or alcohol use, until some rather like born-again Christians have once again embraced deifying 'Yahowha' and promoting all of the practices and beliefs that resulted from that construct, in what I see as renewed absurd behaviors.

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Archives My Ass

The rallying cry of one person promoting Father Yod and The Source Family is a redundant worn-out proclamation about 'saving the archives.'  The so-called 'archives' that one person is constantly referring consists of the following:  photographs and videos shot/taken by various people who were in 'the family', but whose photographs and videos were expropriated by one person who began her acquisition of absolutely everything that she could get her hands on, over the course of time The Source Family existed.  As one former member recalls, "we all had containers of personal items, but hers was bigger than anyone else!"  That is because this one person would take/commandeer/demand people to turn over any/everything of a material nature to her, under the false pretense of carrying out Father Yod's orders of keeping 'everything' in a centralized location; when in reality this one person seized for herself something that should have belonged to everybody who comprised The Source Family, and which should have been shared with all of the other former members rather than used for the self-promotion and aggrandizement of one person.  Taking and commandeering the material possessions of anyone new joining the group, to be sold and/or contributed to the entire group was also something that was carried out by the more aggressive 'family' members.  But, clearly what happened was that one person just acquired everything they could get their hands on, full well knowing and planning what they would do with all of it at some future point in time; which was to claim everything belonged to them to exploit for their own self-promotion.  Nothing was beyond this one person's reach or grasp; from drawings and artwork done by the children to every single photograph or scrap of paper that she observed another 'family' member to have in their possession.  But, her acquisition of other people's 'stuff' didn't end when 'the family' ended, but continues unabated.  No, this person continued to confiscate by persuading other former family members to 'send her their tapes' or anything they had from 'the source family' days; giving them the impression that she was only borrowing their tapes or photographs or items that would be returned to them.  Not the case!  Because once this  person got her hands on something/anything that had to do with either Father Yod or The Source Family; she held on to it tightly claiming ownership.  This is how it was during 'the family' days; and continues to be the case.  Even parents who have lost their children, since the family; are not allowed copies of photographs where their own children were present.  I know of two women who were in The Source Family, who joined in the early days with their small children; children who passed away years after 'the family' dispersed; but neither of these women has ever been offered any of the photographs taken during the 'family days' where their children were pictured.  One woman came into The Source Family with her two young daughters; two little girls who spent years of their young lives in 'the family' with their mother; and even though she has since tragically lost both of her daughters; this woman has never been offered or allowed to have copies of photographs from 'the source family' days where her little daughters were present!  What a simple act of kindness that would be, to offer both women who have lost their children; copies of photographs from when their children were little!  Especially since few people had access to a camera, during the entire Source Family and so for anyone to have photographs of their children from that time, are greatly appreciated.  There are others who are not allowed to have copies of photographs of their deceased family members; like the woman whose two sisters joined 'the family' along with her, and who lost one of her beloved sisters in an automobile accident; who is not allowed to have any photos where her sister was present, or the man whose own biological mother and brother joined 'the family', but is not allowed copies of any photos where his now deceased mother was pictured.  I am also among those whose requests for copies has been denied; especially my constant request to be allowed to have a copy of the video footage of my son's Dad performing his song Woman Beyond The Sun that was used during the credit roll in the 2012 documentary; although I have offered repeatedly to bear the cost of having a copy made along with their time.  Yet, I have never been allowed to have a copy of that video clip for my son to have of his Dad performing!  Having photographs of your deceased family members can mean so much to a person, yet nobody who was in The Source Family has ever been allowed to have copies of their deceased loved ones.  Any and all requests just fall on deaf ears, and are given varying lame excuses of why it's not possible.  The denial of former members of The Source Family to be allowed to have copies of photographs of themselves, their children and deceased family members has been going on for a very long time, by the one person who continues to grasp and hold on tightly to every single photograph from The Source Family time, in what can only be described as a selfish and paranoid fear that someone else who was in 'the family' might take and use/publish photographs that she has used to promote herself!  Yet, this same person claims to be a 'high priestess'!  In my opinion, the person who continues to claim herself to be a 'high priestess' is really overreaching, because to not go out of her way just a little to have copies of photographs made to send to people whom this women spent years with in The Source Family calling them her 'brothers and sisters' cannot seem to find it in her heart to even perform that simple act of kindness; does not seem either 'high' or 'priestly', but rather small and miserly.  For someone who is continually extolling 'aquarian values and virtues' that Father Yod and The Source Family supposedly represented; their own lack of compassion towards the people who populated 'the family' seems a glaring contradiction; especially since it is the exploitation of all the stories and photographs and music of those people who comprised The Source Family that has been the vehicle for one woman to promote herself.  This is the degree of greedy, selfish grasping obsession of anything material from The Source Family that one woman is determined to keep all to herself; never offering to share/copy photographs or videos with anyone else who shared space with her while in The Source Family.  The woman's only defense in her taking everything that she possibly could when the family abruptly and quickly dispersed is, 'nobody came to me and asked me for anything.'  It all came down to having access, and one person had access and so they grabbed and took whatever they could when 'the family' was dispersing.  So the lame excuse offered is complete rubbish, because everyone who was there, knows very well that there was no way in hell that this woman would have shared or given anyone asking anything!  We were all frantically trying to figure out what we were going to do and where we were going to go, when the decision was made that The Source Family would end and that we would all go our separate ways; but the woman's lame excuse certainly doesn't apply to the past forty years where a centralized online location for all former 'source family' members could have been created where the cost of having duplicate photographs or videos made would have been mitigated.  Yet, this woman who claims to be a 'high priestess' and a 'temple keeper' among other lofty titles has never offered to share a single thing with anyone else who was with her in The Source Family!  Never once has this woman offered to share a single thing with any of the other former 'source family' members, because she believes/feels that everything belongs to her, since she expropriated every single thing that she could get her hands on, and held on to it for the past forty years.  I remember after the family ended; for a time many of us remained in the Kailua area; and this woman was living with her husband and daughter practically across the street from Tim and I.  Tim and I even went over to visit;  but never once during that entire time did she offer anything to either Tim or me that she had taken/left with when the family dispersed.  This woman was holding on to cassette tape recordings of Tim (still is), and photographs and videos of both Tim and me and our son; but never offered to share anything from the experience with either of us!  Nothing!  Ever!  Instead, she went on to use everything that she took with her, when the family dispersed to promote herself; using/exploiting the stories and photographs and music of other people as a vehicle to promote and enrich herself; never offering a single thing to anyone else who spent years of their life alongside her in The Source Family.  Anyone who spent years of their life in The Source Family should be allowed access to photographs of their deceased children, siblings, husbands, and friends from that time!  Children who have lost a parent should be allowed copies of either photographs or videos where their parent was pictured.  But, that has never been the case.  But, after forty years time of grasping/holding on to every single photograph and every single thing that she possibly could; at this point in time there is no way in hell that this person has any intention of allowing any of the other 'former' family members to have a damn thing, with the exception of buying the coffee table book of 'source family' photographs that one person is putting together in order to publish!  Yes, hopefully the photographs of deceased family members will find their way into the new, upcoming 'source' coffee table book, in order for people to purchase at some exorbitant coffee table book price to have some memory of their loved ones.  Who says there isn't justice in the world.  But, so much for 'brother & sisterhood.'  Also, the one person who has been holding hostage the family photographs of everyone who comprised The Source Family has pledged to 'donate' everything that she has in her possession to the UC at Santa Barbara library.  So, there will be another alternative for anyone who wants to view photographs of themselves or their own family members or deceased children; they will be able to travel to Santa Barbara and ask if they can please view the photographs and artwork of the children or family members they have lost.

Monday, December 21, 2015

The Ripoffs and Piracy

Probably the hardest thing to swallow about the regurgitation of The Source Family and the 'branding' that's taking place, is what I see as a desperate attempt by a couple of former 'family' members to propel themselves into the public spotlight along with the appropriation of all of the music that came out of the group; completely ignoring, sidelining, and omitting or reimbursing the songwriters and musicians who wrote and performed on every single original piece of music that was made during 'the source family' experience.  In what I see as a pleasant form of piracy; a couple of people who were in The Source Family have taken it upon themselves to represent the entire body of former 'source family' members by entering into licensing agreements to market and sell songs and music, in order to promote themselves and maintain their false sense of control.  Oh, in the minds of two people, it's all been above board and legal; for them to license songs and music created by the individual songwriters and musicians who were in The Source Family, regardless of whether anyone approved or not, or signed anything!  The majority of songwriters and musicians who performed on what is considered 'source family music' have never seen a dime from any of the sales!  But, the two people pushing and promoting the entire Source Family mythos on to an unsuspecting public feel very justified in everything that they have done.  Operating on the assumption that nobody was going to challenge anything that either of these two did, they have entered into contracts with outside entities to market, license and sell all of the albums and music that were produced, during the brief window of time at The Father House in Los Angeles completely ignoring the feelings or wishes of some of the individuals who contributed to the volume of music produced.  Les Adam (aka Rhythm) was one of those individuals who was completely ignored and his rights trampled on and never compensated properly for the use and sale of his own original songs and performances!  Les Adam was by far the most accomplished musician of the entire group capable of playing both acoustic and electric guitar, piano and electric keyboards, as well as being one of the strongest and best songwriters and singers in The Source Family during its existence; yet he wasn't even credited in the 2012 documentary for three of his songs that were used (Take A Ride, Party Song and Woman), but rather due to the usurping of the individual musician's rights in order to push through completion of the documentary; the credit for Take A Ride was given to the wrong person, and no credit whatsoever was given for the other two songs written and performed by Les Adam.  Instead, the film credits read that all songs used in the documentary were by permission of 'the source foundation'!  What a joke, when no permission was obtained on the part of the actual songwriters!  Tim Garon was also completely left out/ignored in being given any film credit for his songs Every Morning and Woman Beyond The Sun.  Unbelievably, neither Tim or Les were even given a 'Gratitude' credit!  No effort was made to make sure that the music credits were done correctly in the film; primarily because the two former 'source family' people who were working with the filmmakers did not want to involve any other former 'source family' members, in order for them to maintain their tight control.  Les and I spoke on the phone quite a bit about how angry he was about the way that he was just expected to comply with whatever the two individuals did who had entered into licensing agreements to market and sell the albums that were made, during the brief window of time 'the source family' existed; albums which contain his songs and performances; receiving no compensation whatsoever.  He told me over the phone a week or so before he died; that he had called and asked one of the people if they could help him out with money, since he was undergoing treatment for throat cancer; but was told there was 'no money' for him; yet the person he had asked for money had used profits from the documentary to fly around the country doing interviews and photo ops about herself.  Yet, the defense made by the two individuals who have marketed and sold music calling it 'source family music' (this has been going on since the mid-nineties) continue to say there has been no profit made from the sales of any music, and if so; it is only a miniscule amount, and that statement alone is supposed to appease and placate all of the musicians or artists who have been completely taken advantage of, and essentially ripped off!  The fact that very little profit has been made, from the sales of music is beside the point; but has been the only excuse given by the two individuals who have ignored addressing the real issue; which is that songs and music have been taken and used without any prior approval or compensation going to the individuals who created the music!  The main issue has been completely ignored, until recently where it seems 'the source foundation' is being dissolved (Thank God) and all 'licensing agreements' (that were obtained) had been passed on to Starry Records in Los Angeles; supposedly since June; so it will be interesting to see how that plays out; especially since 'the foundation' never secured licensing agreements with all of the songwriters!  But, that's what being in a cult does; it breeds a sense of entitlement among its former members to take and use, and profit from anything that was produced when the cult existed; in a delusional belief that any music produced belonged to the collective.  It's my understanding from the copyright office that any song recorded after Feb. 15, 1972 was automatically covered by Federal Copyright law, and that anyone wanting to sell or distribute albums containing those sound recordings needed permission/a signed licensing agreement with the songwriter!  Wow, that didn't happen!  So, two former cult members put their 'foundation' stamp of ownership on all of the songs and performances made by the individual singers, songwriters and musicians who populated 'the source family'.  I do not really fault the filmmakers though; because I believe that they were given false, misleading and incorrect information to begin with by the two individuals hellbent on their own self-promotion; who convinced the filmmakers they owned all of the rights to all of the music that was made, during 'the source family' daze.  Les Adam died a few months ago, never seeing a single dime from the use and sales of any of his songs or performances from his time spent in The Source Family, because two individuals felt that they had more right to his music, than he did.  For me, this was and is unforgivable and amidst the self-proclaimed 'high priestess' and 'keeper of the archives' and all of the other lofty titles of one of the main people behind the sales of 'Father Yod' and 'Source Family' music is nothing more than greedy self-promotion, along with an in-your-face blatant ripoff of the songs and music created by individuals who should have been rightfully acknowledged and compensated.  Weak platitudes after-the-fact are the only thing offered, by the person who is the worst offender.  I ask the public this:  how would you feel if your husband's or wife's or own parent's songs and music were taken and used in both a film and on a soundtrack without your prior knowledge or approval?  And how in God's name does 'the source foundation' have the right to pass on or sell the 'rights' to all of the albums produced during the heyday of The Source Family to another record label; when they/'the foundation' held no rights to the music, to begin with!  This makes no sense to me whatsoever; how other entities can sell/profit off the songs and music of others where no licensing agreements or contracts are even in place!  Do you think that it is ethically, morally or legally right that someone else sell your family member's songs and music with absolutely no compensation going to the artist or the artist's family?  In my mind, the rightful heirs ie the sons and daughters/wives/husbands (including Jim Baker's own biological children) of any singer/songwriter/musician who performed on any of the albums that were produced during the time the entire Source Family lived together (circa 1973) should be compensated for the continued sales or use of any of the music they either wrote or performed on.  But, hey that's just me.

Sunday, December 20, 2015

Nitrous Oxide and Other Distractions

I thought that I'd recount the time that Father Yod/Yahowha had tanks of nitrous oxide brought to the Father House for morning meditation, and over the following couple of days; in what was clearly another sensation-seeking attempt by our 'earthly spiritual father' to entertain himself and 'the troops'. Because over time, out of sheer boredom; Jim Baker would use distractions such as taking nitrous oxide, in order to try and achieve an even greater level of 'spiritual insight'.  But, life in The Source Family did become very monotonous with people's movements and actions becoming very restricted; which is why Father Yod began pounding on the kettle drum and singing in his cacophonous way, and why he would use cocaine with only a select few 'family' members, and why he decided to travel to India with his few select 'women'; which I saw as an attention-seeking trip.  Jim Baker thought that if he travelled to India, that he would be seen or recognized as being a great, spiritual teacher or holy man; especially since he had an entire group of 'followers' waiting anxiously for his return, while he went globetrotting.  I believe that Jim Baker's ego grew to such tremendous proportions being surrounded by his very own group of followers, that he really thought that he would be recognized in the 'East' as being a great, spiritual teacher from the 'West.'  So, Father Yod would constantly search for new ways to keep his boredom at bay, by having the entire 'family' use nitrous oxide, or having everyone wander aimlessly around the Bay Area looking for a place to land; anything to keep moving to stave off the boredom and repetitious monotony of daily life.  At one time the entire 'family' landed in San Francisco and moved into The Atherton Mansion; otherwise known as the 'cat lady' mansion because there was one huge room where a woman had taken in and housed hundreds of homeless cats!  How fitting that a house that housed homeless cats would then house a group of homeless cult followers.  But, all that Father Yod seemed to do all day at The Atherton manse was perform 'sex magic' in his upstairs room with his female entourage.  I recall throughout the day being subjected to the orgasmic shrieks and shrills emanating throughout the house from his various women, which seemed like some were trying to outdo one another, in a competition to see who could have the loudest orgasm.  I could not stand that time at The Atherton Mansion in San Francisco just hanging out in limbo in that huge, vacant house (there was not a stick of furniture) waiting around, while Father Yod had sex in his upstairs room, waiting for his next command to move the entire group to its next destination, while he also would spend much of his time continually messing with people's lives and relationships moving family members around and instructing them to be with someone else/leave their partner to 'serve' another as though we were all pawns on his personal chessboard.  Because everyone in 'the family' was expected to do whatever Father Yod told them to do, to go wherever he told them to go, whether it was to move or change partners; something that he did throughout the brief existence of The Source Family cult, but that kind of leader-control of people's personal lives and relationships is indicative of life in a cult.  So, anyone who tries to convince you that Jim Baker is worthy of hero-worship or any kind of hero status is still living in that cult mentality unable to differentiate even 40+ years out the difference between right and wrong behavior, so they cling to the belief that everything that Jim Baker did was for a higher, spiritual purpose.  Which is also why only those who showered him with praise and exhibited complete and utter devotion were given perks and allowances and niceties not afforded to all 'family' members.  Father Yod definitely had his 'favorites.'  A distinct class system grew around 'Yahowha' and his 'women' and a few of his most devoted followers, but where other 'family' members like me only seemed to occupy space in The Source Family.  I just could never worship 'Yahowha' in the way that came to be expected of all 'family' members, by the time that the group reached Hawaii where everything really began to unravel.  Jim Baker pursued hedonistic pleasures in order to stave off any lethargy or inertia, whenever he felt that he wasn't moving fast enough along a 'spiritual' path.  But, as history has proven; a male ego inflated to enormous proportions surrounded by adoring, fawning people (especially women) proclaiming him to be 'God' possessing infinite wisdom often become debauched and dissipated in their pursuit of pleasure, and while Jim Baker was living out his own fantasies within The Source Family by acquiring multiple 'women' around him whom he designated as being his 'wives', to playing at being 'rock star' as lead singer/frontman for Yahowa 13; the rest of the 'family' members like myself stood on the sidelines watching the circus unfold around fulfilling the whims of our 'spiritual' leader.  The entire dynamic of The Source Family revolved around satisfying the whims and desires of Jim Baker, and if someone did not see him for the 'great spiritual' God-man that his most devoted followers proclaimed him to be; or did not follow all of the imperatives and orders handed down from his 'council' of women; then you were marginalized; as those seeking power and perceived position within the family wielded more and more control.  I recall one women who loved to 'carry out' Yahowha's orders by marching around policing everyone looking for infractions, who acquired the name hatchet lady.  That is how stultifying it became in The Source Family.  Either strict adherence to 'the rules' or being kicked out of 'the family' by 'the council' of Yahowha's most controlling women.  What an absolute nightmare the entire thing became, and thank god that it all finally ended when it did; which is why I am against any revival or renewal of The Source Family.  It all became an extremely unhealthy, debauched exercise in cultish rule by a handful of power-hungry women.

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Cult Is Cult

I recently watched a documentary about how the Nazi party was formed around the occult beliefs of Heinrich Himmler; the head of Hitler's SS who was a devout believer in Madame Helena Blavatsky's teachings, "German occultists and racists embraced Blavatsky's idea of being descended from superior Aryan god-men", a quote from the site/blog with a section about Blavatsky that I have linked below.  So, it creeped me out recalling how Father Yod was also influenced by Helena Blatvatsky.  Another writer who had a major influence on Jim Baker was the theosophist and writer Mabel Collins; so it was not surprising when he declared that both M Blatvatsky and M Collins had 'reincarnated' into The Source Family!  But, of course!  The pervading theme of a superior race of people was something that Himmler believed in; as well as did Jim Baker, and even though Himmler used his occult beliefs in forming the Nazi party which would eventually reign down death, destruction and annihilation; he still believed that he was divinely inspired with a preordained purpose.  So, the reason that I'm making a correlation between the 'cult' of Nazi and The Source Family cult is only to make this point:  that belief in the occult and the practice of occult ceremonial magic, whether used for 'good' or 'bad' purposes is still indicative of delusional thinking which reinforces those who believe they can access 'unseen' 'magical' powers of the universe to achieve their goals.  Adopting occult magic or 'magical' belief systems is folly in my mind, even if someone ardently believes that it is for 'the benefit of mankind.'  Himmler believed that his occult beliefs were for the benefit of the German people, just like Jim Baker believed his adopting occult beliefs and practices were for the benefit of The Source Family, as well as for all of mankind.  But, after spending six years in The Source Family and practicing what Father Yod was extolling; I believe that the occult practices and beliefs that Jim Baker read about and adopted from the writings of Manly P Hall, Aleister Crowley, Helena Blavatsky or Mabel Collins are certainly not worthy of perpetuating or creating a following around, because it was those writers who had the most profound effect and influence on what Jim Baker came to believe, and were the source for much of the beliefs that he instilled in his own followers in The Source Family.  The following statement from the site linked below makes perfect sense in explaining why someone like Jim Baker, a man who saw himself as a 'spiritual' father or teacher and leader bringing Eastern spirituality to the Western world, would readily adopt the words of M Blavatsky, "Madame Blavatsky was the first person to bring Eastern Indian spirituality to the Western world.  Words and concepts such as karma, reincarnation, consciousness, kundalini, meditation, yoga, aura, OM, mantras, tantra, chakras, prana, akasha etc are now familiar, if only in a small way, to almost everyone in the West."  But in all cults throughout history; total and complete submission and adherence to the cult leaders edicts is a necessary component in order for the cult to endure.  The Nazi also believed in the 'superior genetic material' of the Aryan race being spread through the unbridled sexual servicing of all Nazi men by German women; a similar belief that Father Yod held about spreading his own perceived 'superior' genetic material to create a super race of 'new age' more highly evolved 'aquarian' children within his own group of devoted followers.  Occult beliefs and practices are all one and the same when it comes down to it; whether someone tries to distinguish between a 'white magician' or a 'dark' one; it still involves ritualistic practice and belief in forces beyond the visible world waiting to fulfill our innermost desires and perceived purpose in life, by simply invoking its power.  In the very early beginnings when Jim Baker was forming The Brotherhood of The Source; many of us thought it was rather fun and exciting to chant and use/repeat magical incantations meant to 'call upon' the powers and forces that were believed to dwell in other realms unseen to our eyes; like invoking the lords in 'the Halls of Amenti' deep inside the earth's core that were to be taken on faith actually existed and would convey 'magical powers' to anyone who knew the 'magic' words to invoke their powers.  This is the kind of thing that Jim Baker based his 'teachings' upon.  Jim Baker set about convincing all who joined The Brotherhood of The Source, that they belonged to an esoteric 'mystery school' whose sole purpose was unlocking the 'mysteries of the universe' by following and believing the writings of Blavatsky, Collins and Manly P Hall and reciting the 'magical' incantations found in their books.  Jim Baker's 'teachings' were a hodgepodge of 'kundalini yoga' practices and beliefs that he had learned and adopted while in Yogi Bhajan's cult, and all of the mystical, magical incantations and beliefs in the writings of some of the world's most visible 'magical thinkers' and writers of theosophy and mysticism.  A belief in the occult and the powers that could be attained was the foundation of the Nazi party; as well as in The Source Family cult.  Although the analogy of the cult of Nazi sharing similar beliefs and attributes to that of The Source Family will infuriate the most fervid followers of Father Yod's exclaiming him to have been a 'white magician' and not a magician of the 'dark' arts; I believe that in order to gain clarity and perspective into how cults are formed and how they exist and function; you need to have a broader understanding of the origins of the belief systems of a particular cult, and how people will willingly submit and eagerly adopt a belief system that offers a 'magical solution' to their problems; just as the German people willingly adopted the Nazi belief system.  Because throughout history, people who are searching for a better life and more power or control in their lives' will often embrace 'occult' practices and beliefs including ceremonies and incantations; but which has never resulted in happy endings or lives that were improved.  The Source Family is a perfect example of a group of people attempting to use 'magical' thinking and incantations in order to achieve power and control in their own lives, but after forty years of nobody having anything to show for their endeavors, but just more of the same worn-out ineffectual repetition of the phrases and sayings adopted and used by Father Yod.  If the result of people having been in The Source Family cult, after forty years time; was one of complete and utter achievement and success among it's former members; than that might offer some proof of the efficacy of Father Yod's 'teachings.'  The only proven result of being in The Source Family, that I have seen has been a few diehards trying desperately to create a mythos around Father Yod and sell 'source family' branded merchandise, along with maintaining an artifice by some of possessing divine powers or wisdom.  Although I did witness a wake of messed up people's lives, long term drug and alcohol use, broken and failed marriages and relationships, and an epic inability for many to function in 'normal' society. Historically time and time again the human toll of being in cults has resulted in nothing but residual emotional suffering and long-term damage.  For me, being in The Source Family only brought an awakening and realization that 'occult' magic simply does not exist, but only in the minds of those intent on pursuing their own agendas.  The people in Germany were looking for a 'magic solution' back in the 1930's which paved the way for a madman to gain power and control based on the belief of a 'chosen' race of people and a 'divine' mission or providence to inspire and enthrall.  Jim Baker may not have been a sadistic madman like Himmler or Hitler, but he did believe in and adopt 'magical thinking' and 'occult magic' to persuade a group of people to follow him.  My personal advice to anyone enchanted or mesmerized by the seemingly outward appearance or story of Father Yod and The Source Family as being 'leaders' of a 'new age' would be to look askance at the entire thing as something to avoid at all costs and to know that there are no 'secret teachings' or 'magical powers' or esoteric knowledge to be gained or acquired by following or adopting the 'teachings' of Father Yod; who like so many throughout history believed they were 'divinely' chosen and divinely inspired by a 'higher power.'  It is my belief that if everything that Jim Baker aka Father Yod/Yahowha was espousing and extolling like practicing 'the mystic road' or reciting the 'birth litany' from a book by Mabel Collins were so powerful and effective that the world would have seen the results in the repetition of those practices and beliefs by now!  But, that's not the case.  Even after forty years; not one person from The Source Family has gone on to 'change the world' by repeating the words or practicing any of the ceremonies extolled by Jim Baker.  You would think that if Father Yod's 'teachings' were so powerful and profoundly effective that the results would be evident by now, but that has certainly not been the case.

Here is a link to read about the Halls of Amenti.

Saturday, December 12, 2015

The Feeding Frenzy

In an earlier post titled 'Sex That Was Not Magic', I wrote about the ceremonial 'sex magic' referred to as qudosh by Father Yod which he enthusiastically adopted and implemented into the 'magical' practice of The Source Family; something that he clearly adopted after reading books by Aleister Crowley, no doubt either De Arte Magicka or Book of The Law which are both referenced in this excellent in-depth article that I just found .  A compendium of how and why Crowley got into 'sex magick' to the degrees that he did.  In reading this article, I found many of the exact practices, beliefs and even words that were used and adopted by Jim Baker and then imposed on the rest of 'the family'!  It was truly an eyeopener for me, because it confirms and substantiates what Father Yod's most devoted followers continually try to disavow happened; desperately trying to whitewash the origins of many of Father Yod's so-called 'teachings.'  But, the facts are there as proof about where Jim Baker found and adopted the 'sex magic' that he integrated into his own brand of 'teachings.'  This article is irrefutable evidence to anyone who was in The Source Family of the kind of ceremonial sex adopted by a man who some want to promote as being a great spiritual leader.  The practice of qudosh involved having sex with one of the women in 'the family' while she was menstruating which was labeled 'flowing.'  If a woman was 'flowing', it meant that she was having her period.  The practice of qudosh centered around a woman who was 'flowing' in The Source Family and became the pinnacle of Father Yod's 'teachings', but when one former male family member interviewed in the film referred to 'the introduction of blood'; his comments were edited out from the final cut, after a backlash from a few former 'family' members due to his revealing comments.  Keeping a lid on qudosh is the number one intent of those who are trying to promote Father Yod and The Source Family as being some kind of happy and healthy uber 'new age' group; people who refuse to publicly talk about much less reveal the practice of qudosh; feigning an air of possessing 'esoteric secrets', and to imply that only the worthy or chosen 'initiate' should know about it.  When in reality it's all about hiding the truth, especially by those who are promoting The Source Family and all of the sundry merchandise; who dissemble when asked about the 'sexual practices' that went on in 'the family', but who also have 40 year old children of their own and grandchildren whom they would probably be mortified to have them find out or learn about the practices that actually went on in The Source Family.  The practice of qudosh is considered the pinnacle or the 'highest' teaching by the most fervid followers and devotees (diehards) of Father Yod/Yahowha.  The mixing of a man's semen with the menstrual blood of a woman was considered the highest of Father Yod's 'teachings' and was the reason why any woman who was having her period or 'flowing' in the family became a resource and was expected to perform qudosh with any number of men in 'the family.'  Yet, as awful as that sounds; that was the absolute reality of what life was like in The Source Family.  Also, women were not allowed to use tampons or pads of any kind, none of the normal everyday products that women use today!  The women in 'the family' were forced to use what were called 'cuppie towels', a small (sometimes large) square of usually terry cloth that she had to use throughout the entire course of her monthly period!  The term 'cuppie towel' was the cutesy name used in 'the family' for something that caught the 'flow' or period from a woman's vagina or 'cup', a word where Father Yod likened a woman's vagina with magical symbology to that of a chalice or cup that a man would dip his penis or magic 'wand'.  The act of a woman performing qudosh with one of the men in the family was referred to as a 'feeding.'  If a man performed qudosh with one of the women in 'the family', it was said that he was being 'fed.'  This 'feeding' sons became the most predominate and important in Jim Baker's arsenal of 'magical' beliefs and practices, and something that he tried to impose on the entire group; especially by instructing some of 'his' women or the women whom he surrounded himself to perform with multiple men or 'sons' in the family.  Soon women in 'the family' devised ways to avoid having to perform what was viewed as a revolting practice, and in my mind an epic form of 'abuse of power' by a man who was viewed as our 'spiritual' teacher or leader!  But, any woman with the title of 'mother/angel' who was considered a 'woman of Yahowha' was expected to 'feed' any number of sons in The Source Family, and although a few women were able to escape having to perform this ritual simply by avoidance or flat-out refusal, many with the title 'mother/angel' were expected to perform what many saw as a repugnant ceremony adopted by Father Yod/Yahowha.  The practice of 'feeding' the sons in The Source Family has left behind a wake of remorse and regret among the majority of the women and men who populated Father Yod's 'family', and is the number one reason that many former members want no affiliation with The Source Family any longer.  Many of the women now feel and believe they were taken advantage of and pressured/coerced by Father Yod in his misguided and debauched belief that a woman's menstrual blood would give him the absolute power and wisdom of the universe, by adopting some of the beliefs and practices of Aleister Crowley.  If that alone is not enough to turn people off to Father Yod and The Source Family; I don't know what else will; but I can firmly attest there was no higher consciousness achieved in having the women in 'the family' being forced to 'feed' the men in the group.  A 'feeding frenzy' was incurred where much of daily life within the group revolved around the performance of qudosh; to such an extreme that even after Father Yod jumped off the cliff in Hawaii and died; a schedule was created by his 'council' of women and maintained as a checklist of which men or 'sons' had been 'fed.'  Any and all women were expected to perform qudosh, but most of all the women who were with Father Yod who were given the title of 'mother/angel'; the task of 'feeding' sons mainly fell to them; although some avoided the directive by shifting the task to new, unsuspecting women referred to as 'angels'.  Any new woman joining The Source Family was immediately given the task of 'feeding' sons.  So, please I encourage anyone who might be the least bit enthralled with the story of Father Yod and The Source Family, after watching the documentary to know and understand that the sexual practices veiled in 'spirit' as being a way to achieve a 'higher consciousness' that were imposed on an entire group of men and women by Jim Baker, became a source of shame and regret for the majority of women and men who comprised 'the family', with the exception of those who want to promote themselves as being 'leaders' of the 'new age', and profit from the sales of Source Family merchandise.  Behind all of the hype about 'aquarian fashion and lifestyle' of The Source Family that some are presenting to the public are carefully guarded sexually deviant practices like qudosh and the 'feedings' that were expected of the women who populated 'the family' that has not been revealed to the public, until now.

Thursday, December 3, 2015

A Legacy Not Worth Saving

It is easy to forget about the many 'casualties' of The Source Family, amidst the media flurry and exaggerated claims being made about Father Yod and 'life in the family', but there were more 'casualties' from being in the family, than not.  Firstly, there is the emotional damage that Jim Baker left behind by impregnating three different women, during his reign over The Source Family.  One of those women was his own wife, Robin Baker (known as Ahom) who gave up her own pursuit and dream of becoming an actress in Hollywood when she met and married Jim Baker; whom she believed to be 'the love of her life.'  Robin Baker was as instrumental in the formation of The Source Family, as Jim Baker; in fact per Tim Garon who spent an entire year with Jim and Robin, prior to the formation of The Brotherhood of The Source; it was Robin's idea to start their own 'spiritual' family, after Jim Baker decided to leave Yogi Bhajan.  Tim also stated that Jim Baker's reason for leaving the yogi was because Jim had found out that Bhajan was having sex with various women in his ashram!  But, Robin was young and beautiful when she met Jim Baker in the late sixties where she adopted/took on the role of  a 'spiritual mentor' or 'mother' to those who came to her morning 'classes' held at The Source Restaurant where some became inspired by her.  Because in the early days of The Source Family, Robin Baker embodied all of the qualities that you might expect to find in an Aquarian Age 'earthly spiritual mother':  beauty, warmth, compassion and kindness.  Robin embraced her new role as 'spiritual mother'; a complement to Jim Baker's role as 'earthly spiritual father.'  Most everyone who joined in the early days of 'the family' referred to Robin Baker with the endearing term of 'Mother.'  Robin was the inspiration for several of the young women who joined 'the family' as she and her husband were laying (no pun intended) the foundation for their 'new age' 'aquarian' family.  But, Robin had no idea what was in store for her, or what she would have to endure in helping her husband to form his own 'aquarian' family; she didn't know that very soon after young women who had been inspired by her began to join, would be approached by her husband soliciting some to bear his child to further his delusion of creating a super race of 'aquarian' children via his seed.  Jim Baker's plan to impregnate some of the young women who began to join 'his family' came as a shock and a surprise to Robin, but she was now married to the man.  So, Robin Baker did her best to adapt and adjust to her husband's objective, hoping and praying that he might soon see the error of his ways and stop his pursuit of other women in the newly formed group; although that did not happen until the final days of his life.  Robin had already invested so much of her life in helping her husband create The Source Family, along with nurturing and cultivating relationships with other 'family' members which combined with becoming pregnant with Jim Baker's child; she made the decision to remain in her demoted position within 'the family.'  Because Jim Baker replaced Robin with another dark-haired young woman whom he became enamored who had joined 'the family'; referring to her as his 'mother/angel' whom then all of his attention and focus was then centered, and where Susan (named Makushla) displaced Robin.  Susan aka Makushla was then waited on hand and foot and showered with praise and adoration, just as Father Yod and is still seen by some devote former family members as being 'the head' of the defunct Source Family, because of her highly touted position of being 'Yahowha's mother/angel'.  So, Robin Baker who was Jim Baker's only legal wife, during the entire course of The Source Family was removed from her role as 'spiritual mother' and replaced with Makushla.  This is the kind of 'legacy' that Jim Baker left behind; replacing the women or wives in his life with another who caught his eye, along with having children with different women before The Source Family and during its existence.  Jim Baker fathered three children with three different women, during the 'family' daze; but he also had children prior to the formation of The Source Family.  Yet, this is 'the legacy' that a couple of people are so intent on saving; a legacy of the use and misuse of women and children by a man who saw himself as a 'god' or 'messiah' of the 'new age.'  Many men from Jim Baker's generation found it very easy to move from one woman to another; to leave their wives and children for another woman usually a younger or prettier version of the one they were leaving, and to continue fathering children whom they left with very little thought as to their financial support or security; which is exactly what happened with not only Robin Baker and her infant daughter fathered by Jim Baker, but the two other women whom he also impregnated, during 'the family.'  Adding insult to injury, one of the more aggressive 'council women' who still saw herself as one of 'Yahowha's women' tried to wrest any remaining financial interest or money from the sale of The Source Restaurant to go to the support of herself and the other women whom Jim Baker had surrounded himself, rather than to the children Jim Baker had sired in The Source Family.  Wow, not any kind of 'legacy' worth saving, in my mind; but more a tragic tale of one man leaving behind a wake of fatherless children and abandoned women!

Sunday, November 29, 2015

WWII Veteran Meets Flower Children

One of the things that The Source Family documentary shows is how Jim Baker went from being a wealthy Hollywood playboy who had been arrested on a couple of occasions for using deadly force and committing bank robberies; into becoming a spiritually realized 'father' or 'teacher', but aside from the short time that Jim Baker spent becoming 'spiritually' enlightened, after sitting before Yogi Bhajan, there was little to qualify him in becoming a 'spiritual' master or leader, much less a wise or holy man.  Yet, that is what Jim Baker came to be seen by his most devoted 'children' or followers:  a wise, holy man.  In Jim Baker's own words he is heard explaining how he felt when he first came across a 'hippie' girl which was his first exposure to the hippies who had been living a life where free love and peace were the prevailing themes.  But, Jim Baker came from my own parent's generation who lived through WWII, and was not someone from my own generation; he had never been a hippie or ever lived a 'hippie' lifestyle; he had never 'dropped out' or lived in a commune at least not until he decided to form his own communal 'family'; and to me; there was a glaring generational gap in how Jim Baker perceived things; especially in how he viewed the roles of the men and women who would comprise his 'new age' or 'aquarian' family.  My own step-Dad, a WWII veteran believed that women had distinct roles that he referred to as 'women's work' such as making meals and housework; a view that he and Jim Baker seemed to share.   I recall when Jim Baker made the analogy of the women or 'angels' in his new found 'tribe' having sex with multiple men in 'the family' the same as where one woman would often sexually 'service' more than one man, during times of war; this bolstered with him instilling the belief that a war between light and darkness was being waged, and that the family members who sat before him were 'warriors of light' fighting the 'dark forces'; this was a recurring theme in much of Father Yod's rhetoric; and although I was dismayed at what Jim Baker was saying; I chose to ignore the alarm bells and red flags and just accepted what Father Yod was saying; believing at the time that he must have everyone's best interests at heart.  But, one thing became very clear in joining The Source Family, and that was that Jim Baker saw the role of women as one of obedient servitude.  The Mormons believe that a woman can only get into the 'kingdom of heaven' through a man, and this is essentially what Jim Baker believed; that a woman's 'liberation' from the chains and shackles of this earthly existence and her only true happiness was through her 'serving and inspiring' a man.  In fact, a woman who chose to 'go it alone' and chose to remain single or independent was seen as being 'masculine' and was looked down upon by Father Yod, because he steadfastly did not believe that women were emotionally equipped to deal with the vicissitudes of life.  Father Yod also did not condone a gay lifestyle and openly condemned it; so when a gay man who joined in the early days divulged to Father Yod his orientation; he was told that he should leave The Source Family.  Jim Baker's intolerance of a gay lifestyle was also indicative of his WWII mentality and generational gap.  So, Jim Baker began to glorify and convince the men who joined his 'family' that they were 'gods' or 'godmen', and he used the analogy of the sun shining constant and life-giving rays on woman (or women), who were seen as 'the moon' dark, changeable and emotional only capable of reflecting her 'suns' light or achieving emotional stability or balance through her man.  Jim Baker believed that a woman's only true lasting happiness was in 'serving' a man, not going out and having a career.  This is what all women who joined The Source Family were expected to believe and adopt as being their role in life; to not only 'serve' one of the suns/sons in 'the family' by taking care of his 'earth trip', which translated to things like preparing his meals and doing his laundry; even brushing his hair, lest a 'sun' or 'godman' had to descend from his pursuit or contemplation of 'spirit' to perform such menial tasks.  Along with 'serving' a son; the women or 'angels' were expected to adopt what I saw as a kind of submissive silent adoration that became the expected normal behavior of women towards their 'godman.'  So many of us who joined The Brotherhood of The Source tried adopting the roles as set out by Father Yod for the women and men in his 'family', even if they did set off alarm bells within many of us.  In my mind, Jim Baker used the free love that many of us had already been experiencing as 'hippies' that was so prevalent during the sixties and early seventies as a vehicle to live out or fulfill his own male fantasy of having sex with multiple women, after he decided to become an 'earthly spiritual father' and to gather his own 'children', because it's much easier to get people to lower their inhibitions and to engage in 'group' sex, if your viewed or believed to be a wise and loving spiritual master or leader; which is exactly what Jim Baker did.  Which is also why it was no wonder that a few of Father Yod's 'women' got into prostitution after the family dispersed, because it was a short step from having sex with multiple men in 'the family' to what some women get paid to do in the 'real' world.  So much for peace and love.

Thursday, November 26, 2015

Affectations and Magical Thinking

I thought that I would write about the 'magical thinking' that defined life in The Source Family, and the many affectations that 'family' members adopted; beginning with the way that Jim Baker would often speak with the affectation of 'a guru from India.'  Perhaps by affecting the speech of his own 'spiritual' master, Yogi Bhajan; Jim Baker thought that he'd be perceived as being a 'spiritual master' himself.  Who knows, but I always thought it sounded very pretentious, whenever he began speaking in that way.  It seemed that he would adopt an Indian guru speech affectation whenever there were 'outsiders' present, or non-family members whom he wanted to impress.  Because, Jim Baker was all about putting on a good show.  So much of life in The Source Family was about 'putting on a show' or presentation, and attracting attention.  Often I found Father Yod to be extremely embarrassing, with his speech affectations and his incessant 'teaching' or proselytizing and lecturing often in a loud and bombastic way.  Given Father Yod's presentation, it's no wonder that other family members soon adopted their own 'spiritual' affectations and behaviors, in order to give the appearance of having attained a higher consciousness or some kind of spiritual superiority which seemed to be the expression of many in The Source Family.  Those who became convinced by Father Yod that they were the 'saints' and 'sages' and 'saviors' of the world, dressed all in white following an older man around sporting a beard and long hair doing a good impression of Moses, was a heady mix for some who were willing and eager to adopt their own 'spiritual' persona, who also wanted to be seen as being wise and 'enlightened' or 'chosen' to be in God's army leading the way for mankind; this was the climate that anyone joining The Brotherhood of The Source would have found themselves in.  Initially, what Jim Baker was offering did sound wonderful and appealing.  But, soon like many older men of his generation; Jim Baker succumbed to the allure or enticement of having women prostrate themselves in front of him; and soon saw how accessible they were sexually, especially in his new role of 'earthly spiritual father'; something that many other gurus, swamis and spiritual leaders succumbed to and had become all too common.  If Jim Baker had been able to 'keep it in his pants', perhaps The Brotherhood of The Source might have taken another direction, rather than the one that it did.  Had Jim Baker been able to stay committed and loyal to his new bride; rather than 'the family' becoming a cult where the practice of 'sex magic' took precedence; perhaps something healthy and sustainable might have been created.  But, Jim Baker was a victim of his own sexual desires and inclinations, and his own desire or need to garner attention to himself, by gathering his own group of adoring followers; just as Yogi Bhajan had done.  But unfortunately, Jim Baker decided that it was his role to impregnate as many women as he possibly could in order to create a super race of what he considered 'conscious' Aquarian children and where he began grooming one of the first young women to join his 'family' who was all of fourteen, but who soon decided to leave the group after realizing that she had not joined to break up a marriage, or procreate with a man whom she saw as her 'spiritual father.'  But, the die was cast and Jim Baker continued his acquisition of more and more women who joined his family, while expounding and espousing on 'spirit' and about attaining a 'higher consciousness' in order to lead humanity out of the darkness and into the light.  Adopting 'magical thinking' became the norm within The Source Family, from believing that rain water called 'tahuti water' contained magical properties, or that an 'elemental kingdom' existed where elemental spirits inhabited fire, water, air and earth, to imbuing inanimate objects with talismanic properties, or attaching numen to the places wherever 'the family' resided (like Lanikai Beach on the windward side of Oahu), or how a special 'soma' drink was prepared during a full moon to be used in ceremonial magic (the only drink that contained alcohol), where exhaling aggressively through your nostrils was seen as a way of expelling 'negative' thoughts.  Yes, welcome to the whacky, weird world of the 'magical thinking' that prevailed in The Source Family, and the affectations that would define the entire experience.  Where staring unblinking into the sun at sunrise and sunset was practiced on a regular basis, along with sending imaginary waves from the pineal gland in your brain down through your body into the earth as a way to cleanse your 'ethereal' body.  Life in The Source Family was centered around the belief and practices of 'new age' and occult magic, along with seeing 'signs' in everything.  There was also a large degree of idleness within The Source Family.  There was a lot of 'hanging out' and just doing nothing; especially among the women, since Jim Baker would only allow the men or 'sons' to conduct 'outside' business enterprises or work in the restaurant, due to Father Yod's belief that women were not emotionally equipped to deal with the outside world, and therefore should be protected from it.  There were a few exceptions like allowing women to work in The Source Restaurant, since his 'sons' were nearby, if protection was needed.  A few women were allowed to conduct 'family' business on the 'outside' on occasion; but overall the majority of women spent the day doing all of the menial, household chores such as cleaning, laundry and childcare.  For being an 'Aquarian family', I found the roles of men and women in The Source Family outdated and sexist resembling that in biblical times; especially eschewing the use of doctors and modern medicine.  One of the things that many of us did after being on 'the outside' upon returning to the 'circumvent force' (a kundalini yoga term that Jim Baker adopted) or 'magical boundary' of the family, was to take a cold shower or go into the ocean (when in Hawaii) to wash off the 'bad vibes' that may have attached themselves while being out in the 'maya'....invisible cooties if you will.  So, Father Yod prescribed several 'psychic cleansing' actions to cleanse away any psychic negativity that may have attached to 'family' members who spent time 'outside' in the world. There was quite a lot of magical thinking in The Source Family; like the belief that an adept (an accomplished master of the spiritual realms) just showed up one day at The Father House and presented Father Yod with the Mystic Road (a series of repetitive mental exercises to increase concentration) that has become a fulcrum, by some of Father Yod's 'teachings'; only to have this adept leave never to be seen or heard from again!  Magic!  One of the most common and overused of psychic protections was to aggressively exhale through your nostrils to expel any negative thoughts, or verbally eructing the word "Tau!" as another way to drive out unwanted thoughts, which also became one of the most adopted idiosyncrasies that everyone did in response to something they found unpleasant.....using "tau!" was the equivalent of saying "No More!" or "Enough!." Jim Baker was also really into 'testing' members of his flock, in order to determine their 'spiritual' resolve or commitment to him, and so he would often either kick people out of 'the family', or instruct them to carry out certain tasks as 'a test', because Father Yod believed that having his 'children' overcome challenges or adversity would 'test their mettle.'  Although, I observed that these 'tests' never seemed to extend to those whom Father Yod favored; which is also why it's easy to see why some former family members have only happy memories of their time spent in The Source Family.  A few people were pampered and coddled and given 'special treatment and dispensation' simply for being 'favorites' of Father Yod.  That is how it worked in The Source Family.  It meant that if you were one of his 'favorites' than you were at the receiving end of having money, travel or tools/equipment at your disposal; or if you were one of 'his women', it meant having access to nicer dresses and/or jewelry, as well as the first and best selection of foods set aside for Father Yod; which is why a few of the women who chose to become one of Father Yod's 'women'; saw it as an opportunity to gain status and access to more within 'the family.'  I was in The Source Family for six years and never had one piece of jewelry.  My lack of nice dresses and jewelry of any kind spoke volumes about my own status within the family.  But, then seeking favor or supplicating myself before Jim Baker was not something that I was interested in doing.   But, I guess that's how it was supposed to work in this 'new age' Aquarian family; only those who were the most favored, or devoted or the most appealing or pleasing to Father Yod were given preferential treatment.  Another form of testing imposed by Jim Baker would often be him placing women within 'the family' with one of his 'sons', or instructing one of his 'sons' to accept certain women as their 'angel', even if it meant a woman leaving her spouse or husband to go 'be with' or serve another man (son) in the family.  If someone got a staph infection, it was also seen as 'a test.'  Absolutely everything within the group was seen as some kind of 'spiritual' test.  The prevailing belief of Father Yod was that 'spirit' was guiding his words and actions; a belief that his most devoted believers and followers still purport as being true.  Since Jim Baker was viewed as 'the wisest of the wise' possessing the answers and solutions to everything; a kind of dependent, childlike behavior ensued where some 'family members' would ask his advice or counsel on absolutely everything.  When your entire life is reduced to following the beliefs and edicts of one man, it does not leave much room for individual or autonomous decision-making.  Everyone's actions and speech were scrutinized continually and you either adopted the groupspeak and affectations of everyone else in The Source Family or you left, or were kicked out.  But, magical thinking permeated every aspect of daily life in The Source Family, and is also what lead to or contributed to some of its more tragic outcomes; in believing that 'spirit' guided and directed everything to such an extent that normal emotions or reactions of individuals became anaesthetized.  A perfect example being when Jim Baker crash-landed on the beach and lay there surrounded by a group of his followers who were unsure what to do, because of the indoctrination and groupthink that prevailed that 'Yahowha' was still in control and that 'spirit' would decide his fate.  There were other examples of how healthy, individual emotional responses and behaviors were lacking due to the indoctrination and supplicant behavior by the individual's who comprised The Source Family, to where individual autonomy and decision-making were supplanted with the will of Father Yod and/or 'his women.'  I believe that it was because of the childlike dependence of 'family' members on Father Yod, that the ability to act independently was lost.  Where individuals were unable to respond appropriately, afraid of going against the prevailing groupthink.  Loss of personal autonomy is one of the signature behaviors found in cults; the inability to respond or act accordingly to what is best for the individual, in fear of going against the group.  By only doing what was sanctioned and approved by Father Yod, people became disempowered and enervated.  Although, it is embarrassing to write about being in The Source Family, because most nowadays will read this and say, "what the hell, why would anyone subject themselves to any of that?"; which is why the majority of men and women who shared the same experience of being in The Source Family have chosen to remain silent, out of embarrassment for having subjected themselves to the roles and occult practices expected of them.

Sunday, November 22, 2015

If The Children Were The Most Important

One of the biggest contradictions of Jim Baker aka Father Yod was how many of his actions and behavior seemed completely opposite to the words he espoused, like in his views of 'the children' in The Source Family.  In the early days, before he began impregnating the women around him and before a bumper crop of babies were born, Jim Baker always spoke about the value and importance of the children who had come into The Brotherhood of The Source with their parents.  During that time, it seemed as though Jim Baker truly regarded 'the children' as the promise of the future to be nurtured and cherished; that it was the children who should always be fed and provided for first.  Jim Baker also believed that the children should all live together as a group separate from their parents; rather than children and their parents sleeping together and sharing living space.  So, the children who came into The Source Family with their parents all lived together in a room or space separate from the rest of the family, with mothers rotating shifts to take over what was called 'children's duty.'  You could basically 'drop off' your child with the group and not worry about them, unless it was your turn on 'children's duty.'  But, not long after Jim Baker had impregnated his own legal wife, Robin Baker and then two other women whom he considered to be 'his women'; Jim Baker began to view the children who had been brought into 'the family' with their parents as being 'Piscean.'  The term 'Piscean' was a derogatory term used in The Source Family to denote anyone or anything that represented or resembled the old age that we were leaving behind.  The Piscean Age meaning the astrological age that valued money, power and control; as opposed to the new Age of Aquarius values of love, brotherhood, unity and integrity, and since Father Yod believed that it was his role to create or produce a super race of 'Aquarian' children in the babies being born into The Source Family; he began to view the children born outside what was constantly referred to as 'the circumvent force' of his chosen group of people, as potentially having a negative influence on his babies and so he wanted them kept separate or away from these 'Piscean' children in the family.  Man, what a contradiction!  To go from viewing the children brought into the family by their parents as being the most valued, to being seen as a potential negative influence on his own children!  Jim Baker was afraid that the 'Piscean' children's habits and behaviors might negatively influence his own children.  Which is also probably why he did not seem too concerned when he had the women with children abruptly sent away to live on a parcel of land located outside Makawao, Maui when the threat of social services descending on the compound in Los Angeles became real.  What preempted this evacuation was when a newborn baby developed a serious case of staph and against Father Yod's edict; was taken to a nearby emergency room for treatment, which raised the alarm.  It was because of the threat of the Department of Social Services descending upon The Father House that Father Yod decided to have all of the pregnant women (I was among those) and women with small children quickly shipped off to what were extremely harsh and spartan conditions in an encampment where 'shantytown' conditions prevailed with no indoor facilities, no hot or cold running water with the exception of a hose, very little in the way of shelter; but what made the conditions so much worse was the fact that there was very little food for anyone; especially the children.  The children that were supposedly so 'valued' by our 'earthly spiritual father', Father Yod were forced to live in near-starvation conditions  The only food sources were whatever fruit could be found or picked on any given day, by the two men or 'sons' who were sent along and where many days they returned only with pineapple or breadfruit.  There were also a small ration of wheat berries soaked overnight and eaten raw, as a source of protein.  But, that was it!  While Father Yod was ensconced in comfort back in Los Angeles banging on the kettle drum with a bounty of plenty around him being waited on hand and foot.  Jim Baker also believed that children were like little 'animals' that should be removed from the group whenever they became unruly; and so he implemented what was called 'the box' which was where an unruly child was placed in isolation until they calmed down and became compliant.  The box was used at The Father House in Los Angeles, and utilized again at The Hilo Country Club on the Big Island.  I never liked the idea of 'the box' and know that had my son been old enough; there was no way in hell that I would have allowed anyone to put him into that box!  But, again groupthink took over and dominated every aspect of life within The Source Family; so whatever either Father Yod or his 'council' of women deemed necessary was always implemented.  I won't go into Father Yod's edict for the family members to not use any outside medical help; as I've covered that in other posts, but suffice it to say that the children in 'the family' suffered the most from such a derelict and harmful belief system!  Since writing this post, I found an excellent, concise pdf that I have attached, which applies to what happened in The Source Family cult in the following statements.

"The attachment bond between parent and child is purposely diluted because, to the degree that any one member is attached to another, to that degree she is less attached and dependent upon the leader. His control is thereby diminished."

"Being in a childlike position vis a vis the cult leader, parents relate more like siblings. They have abdicated their role as the executive branch of the family and given over decision making authority to the cult leader who is often given the title of "father" or "mother." Parents function as "middle management" who channel the leader’s ideas of child rearing and their loyalty is tested by how obediently they carry out his orders. Angry and frustrated, parents often displace their feelings onto their children."

"Another consequence is in terms of morality. The cult leader’s conscience, with all its flaws, becomes the standard of morality for the group. All aspects of life are affected, especially sexuality which is also used to control the members.  Sex is either encouraged, but often in prescribed ways, or it is prohibited (except of course for the leader).  Most cults are male dominated (there are a few headed by women), men are taught they are entitled to sex, and marital rape is not uncommon."

Friday, November 20, 2015

There Is No Source Family

I wanted to do a post for the benefit of those who have been given the impression that The Source Family still exists or that it is still a functioning group, which is hardly the case.  I will explain what happened to cause the resurgence to promote Father Yod and The Source Family.  In the early 1990's Sky Saxon (lead singer for The Seeds), and another former long-time family member decided that they would try and profit off the Yahowha 13 albums and so the two of them decided to make a box set of all the albums making a deal with a Japanese label, regardless of the fact that Sky (known as Arelich) had only performed on one of the albums, and the other former family member had never performed on any of the albums or written any of the songs....they just both felt a sense of entitlement to release a box set with no compensation going to any of the other songwriters or musicians!  It is my feeling, that a bad precedent was set when these two individuals released and profited off this box set of all the music that had been produced at The Father House back in 1973, which made it all more enticing for others to want to do the same; especially since none of the songwriters or musicians were monetarily compensated for the release and sales of that box set.  Although, Sky Saxon is still considered a former member of The Source Family, he never actually lived with the group, because Father Yod would not allow Sky's dogs, but he did make an occasional appearance spending a day or two then leave.  So, after the box set came out, a couple of other former members saw that money could be made from the sale of the music that had been produced during a brief window of time when the entire group was living together in Los Angeles, and who then decided that a for-profit corporation should be created, under the guise of 'protecting the family' music; when in truth it was to facilitate two individuals gaining some kind of control.  So 'the source foundation' was formed, along with placing the same two former family members in the positions of President and Vice President (for life) with the prospect of money and notoriety to be had, a book and the consequent documentary were done by these same two individuals leading the newly formed 'foundation'.  That is how the whole resurgence and regurgitation of Father Yod and The Source Family began.  But, until then, most of us who had been in The Source Family had hoped that the entire thing would just be left in the dustbin of the past and be forgotten.  So the statement made by one who is leading the charge about how The Source Family 'was all but flatlined' was not because the group was on some kind of hiatus, but was because most people were just too embarrassed to have their family members, friends or children find out about them having been in a cult!  But, the truth is that there are really only two people who are behind the push to promote and sell Father Yod and The Source Family into the psyche of the general public as being 'sages and seers' of a new age, and any or all of the websites proclaiming to be 'the official site' for 'The Source Family' making statements such as, 'this site represents The Source Family' is just not true, and extremely misleading, because The Source Family no longer exists; it ended the day that Jim Baker jumped off the cliff on Oahu and subsequently died; but much like a body on life support some tried to keep it alive for another year.  So, any website proclaiming to be representative of The Source Family, or Father Yod, or Yahowha are the creation of just one individual, who is intent on spreading the so-called 'teachings' of 'Yahowha' and selling source family merchandise, but who certainly does not represent the entire group of former members.  I am one of those former Source Family members and nothing that this person says or proclaims is representative of me!  None of the websites named Father Yod or Source Family are representative of my present views or opinions, but are only the views and opinions of one person, a person who spent less than six months in The Source Family at the very end, and the small handful of people who are now following that person's lead.  Any website that represents itself as being a Source Family website is misleading and misrepresentative in order to give the impression that the entire body of former family members are behind their site, even using a photograph from forty years ago that has since been photoshopped to add themselves into the photograph, in order to give the appearance of an entire group of people only lends to the misrepresentation.  But, just like in the Wizard of Oz there is only one man behind the curtain pulling all the strings, in order to put on a grand presentation of magic and wonder.  But, it is my feeling that it is misleading to give people the appearance that there is something to join or belong to.  Oh, you can become a fan or a follower of the documentary that was made or try and adopt the 'teachings' of Father Yod, and perhaps someone might even give you an honorary 'Aquarian' name!  But, people need to know that there is no longer a Source Family, and certainly nothing to join.  In my mind, the only true liberation (the title of Jim Baker's book) that I felt after spending six years in this cult was when it finally ended in 1976.  So, I urge anyone who is interested in finding out more about The Source Family to understand and know this; that there are only a very small handful of people who are intent on keeping a mythos surrounding Jim Baker in order to either 'spread' his so-called teachings or to sell merchandise, and so it is only a few people who desperately want the public to shower them with accolades and praise, and even bask in their presence simply for having been members of The Source Family cult forty years ago.  Seriously, that was exactly what two former family members who were behind the documentary were offering when it came out in 2012; the opportunity for someone to pay money to have dinner with them!  The fact that these two people think so highly of themselves that it would be an 'honor' for someone to have dinner with them, was simply beyond the pale for the other former 'source family' members like myself who witnessed the humongous egocentric behavior of these two individuals, one of whom had only spent less than six months in the group at the very end, yet see themselves as an authority on the entire experience.  I don't think so.

Sunday, November 15, 2015


This post is to pay homage to my son's father, Tim Garon for all of the wonderful music that he composed and performed throughout his life.  But, since this blog pertains to 'life in the source family'; I'm primarily reserving this post to that time in his life.  Tim Garon met Jim and Robin Baker at Yogi Bhajan's ashram in Los Angeles in 1969.  Tim's cousin, Shakti Parwha Kaur (Miriam Garon) was the Yogi's personal secretary, and so Tim began attending classes that were held at the ashram and after meeting Jim and Robin; his cousin Shakti got him a job washing dishes at The Source Restaurant.  Tim soon began referring to Jim Baker as 'father', as Jim Baker was just starting his formation of what would become The Source Family, with himself becoming its 'earthly spiritual father'.  Tim spent an entire year with Jim and Robin Baker, along with another man who also became a follower of Jim Baker, before anyone else joined what was initially called The Brotherhood of The Source.  But, as 'the family' grew, Tim found Jim Baker became more and more unapproachable, especially after he displaced and replaced his wife, Robin with so many other women.  So, Tim just came and went as he pleased as he watched what he considered a 'circus show' unfold around Jim Baker, because although Tim held an appreciative fondness towards Jim Baker; he could not stand the worshipful meiny that had formed around him.  Tim Garon was given several names, during the course of the family beginning with Destiny, then Aladdin, briefly David and then finally he got stuck with the name Hom, a name that Tim could not stand. Supposedly the planets made their own individual sounds and Hom was one of those sounds; although I do not recall for which planet.  Tim Garon was also the first singer/songwriter to join 'The Brotherhood of The Source', where Robin Baker, herself an excellent vocalist would often sing with him.  In the very early days of the group, it was Tim who entertained at every 'family' gathering.  But, as more musicians began joining eventually Yahowa 13 took center stage and garnered all of the attention and promotion, and Tim's voice and songs were heard less and less.  After the family ended, Tim wanted no affiliation with The Source Family; yet those promoting Father Yod and The Source Family continued to use and sell his music.  The argument of the two people who are promoting 'all things source' is that Tim had given them verbal permission to use his songs, as long as they did not use his real name.  But, the thing is that Tim died in 2008, and the documentary which features two of Tim's songs was not released until 2012.  Logic and common decency or even courtesy dictates that those two people should have reached out and contacted Tim's heirs to either ask permission or just given a 'heads up.' But neither was extended to either me (his former wife), or Tim's son and heir (our son).  So, when the documentary was being unveiled at SXSW in Austin in 2012 someone called me from the event to tell me that two of Tim's songs had been used, along with video footage of Tim performing one of his songs Woman Beyond The Sun; all unbeknownst to me or his/our son.  The two individuals leading the charge in the revival of 'the source family'' could have easily reached out to me via either email or a phone call, because I had been contacted to ask if I wanted to be interviewed for the documentary and yet not one mention ever of their intentions of taking, using and selling Tim's music.  Tim's son does not receive one dime from the sales of either of his Dad's songs used in the documentary and soundtrack album, or from his songs on Yahowa 13 and 'Father Yod' albums, because again it goes back to the 'sense of entitlement' that some former members feel they have to take, license and sell whatever they want with little or no compensation going to the individuals whose songs and music they have been so freely licensing!  This is the most disturbing aspect of two people's appropriation of the entire story of The Source Family---two people who behave as though the entire story/narrative belongs to them, along with anything that was created during the time that we all lived together making it their own property, especially all of the music that was made.  My only recourse is to hire a music attorney or sign new licensing agreements with a new set of individuals, who now want to profit from music sales.  Even if Tim did give a verbal consent for his songs or music from 40 years ago to be used---the claim made by the president and vp of the now defunct 'source foundation'; the fact that Tim never signed a damn thing with those two should have given them pause from just going ahead and taking and using his music!  It is my belief that some kind of consideration should have been given to Tim's heirs ie his son and me.  But, I am dismissed and labeled by 'the foundation' prez as being, 'the out of touch ex-wife', whom he feels has no claim to Tim's music.  Yet, Tim's own son was also completely sidestepped and circumvented.  What's done is done, yet no restitution of any kind has been allotted or offered to Tim's son without agreeing to sign 'source foundation' contracts in what I saw as a 'friendly form of extortion', until just recently.  In a long overdue and pathetic effort on the part of the president of the source foundation, upon the announcement of the dissolution of his foundation, an accounting was given in the amount of $30.40 to be paid to Tim's son for the sale and use of his Dad's songs and music for all these years, and in what was meant to be a personal and petty dig at me, noted that payment was ONLY to be paid to my son (not me)!  Ha ha ha!  So, Tim's son has finally been offered some kind of recompense for the sale and use of his Dad's song on a Yahowa 13 album that has been on sale since the early nineties, while completely omitting any remuneration for Tim's song Every Morning, because the prez of the source foundation admitted to having no knowledge of that being Tim's song; which only goes to prove the disconnect of those who have wanted to profit off all of the music, but who have no idea themselves who wrote what song or who was performing on any of it!  Unbelievable. The photo below was taken at The Father House of Tim singing/performing for the entire group with Jim Baker aka Father Yod behind him. 

Thursday, November 12, 2015

Sex That Was Not Magic

I was almost thinking of using the title "No Condoms Here" for this post, rather than "Sex That Was Not Magic", because with all of the exchange of bodily fluids that was promoted by Father Yod; it presented a frightening scenario of health concerns and complications resulting from the unprotected sex of an entire group of people engaging in a form of sexual 'musical chairs' where the exchange of sexual partners within The Source Family was seen as an everyday thing, because Jim Baker encouraged all of the women and men to have sex with whomever they wanted in 'the family'; even placing people with certain partners. Yes, Father Yod was continually messing with people's lives in 'his family.' Marriages and relationships were often destroyed, under the open relationship environment that Father Yod created. Even though Jim Baker legally married Robin Baker in 1970, that did not stop or prevent him from having sexual relationships with any of the other women in The Source Family. So, not long after his marriage to Robin, when more and more women began to join 'his family', Jim Baker deconstructed the institution of marriage, in order to live out or facilitate his own acquisition of 'spiritual wives'. So, the wide-eyed innocence and youthful exuberance that many of us had in joining The Brotherhood of The Source, was soon lost and turned into dismay and disquiet by being induced into adopting some of the practices of our newfound 'earthly spiritual father', who believed it was for our 'spiritual growth.' The most disturbing of these practices was the ceremonial 'sex magic' that Father Yod began to practice. So, the joyful exhilaration that many of us had in anticipation of practicing meditation to explore cosmic consciousness was soon replaced with trepidation and consternation. When Jim Baker began reading Aleister Crowley's writings on 'sex magick' and then decided that all of 'the family' members should engage in his adaptation of ceremonial sex; things began to change dramatically. There were two acceptable ways of having sex in The Source Family; one was the most common called 'dionism' (not sure of how it was spelled, because it wasn't written down) where the man held his seed (except to procreate), in an upright sitting tantric yoga position; this was the most commonly practiced 'sex magic' that Jim Baker extolled and performed with his entourage of women, and which seemed rather benign and even subdued. But, then Jim Baker decided to take having sex to a whole other level by adopting and using Aleister Crowley's 'sex magick' of a ceremonial nature, which included semen and a woman's menstrual cycle that was referred to as qudosh within The Source Family (the reader can draw their own conclusions, because that's the extent of what I am willing to go on the subject). In my opinion, the practice of qudosh cast a shadow over the entire dynamic of The Source Family, and was the reason that many chose to leave the group; and is also the main reason that most who engaged in this practice, under the direction of Father Yod want absolutely no affiliation with The Source Family any longer. When Jim Baker made 'sex magic' the predominant focus of his so-called 'teachings', it created a pervasive and underlying sense of coercion and shame in the majority of former Source Family members that, in my opinion continues to this day. That is also the main reason that no one speaks openly about the 'sex magic' that was performed in The Source Family, because it is just too embarrassing for anyone to admit to having participated. Although, those who are intent on promoting Father Yod and The Source Family when asked about sex in 'the family' cautiously say that it was a kind of 'tantric sex.' But over forty years has passed and I feel that it's time that the truth and the reality of what really went on in The Source Family is finally revealed; even if faced with having a lifetime of regret, which is what Jim Baker threatened would happen if anyone from 'the family' divulged what the 'sex magick' was that he had imposed on everyone. When in reality, it is my opinion that the majority of former members have a lifetime of regret for ever agreeing to participate in such an unhealthy and abusive practice.  Everyone whom I've ever spoken to who was in 'the source family' along with me, agree that the practice of qudosh is the biggest regret they have from the experience; especially most all of the women.  It is my belief that an unsuspecting public are now being exposed to the story of Jim Baker and The Source Family story as being representative of a 'new age' as being beacons of health; when having unprotected sex within a large group of almost complete strangers is hardly a recipe for health, in my mind. Which is probably what lead to an outbreak of hepatitis among 'the family', when we were all living at The Hilo Country Club. Several people came down with what was referred to as 'golden spell', a friendly term for hepatitis. It is for this reason why so many people who were in The Source Family were mortified to see 'the story' of Jim Baker and The Source Family being promoted and publicized; to be put under the scrutiny of the public; knowing full well that the awful secrets and sexual practices of 'the family' might eventually be revealed. So, again in what began for many with happy, joyful feelings in having found a group of like-minded people who were also intent on spreading peace and love, soon morphed into something which ended up creating a sense of coercion, shame, resentment and embarrassment in those who were compelled by Father Yod in performing something which nobody signed up for initially; but soon became the most important and predominant of Father Yod's 'teachings' and in my opinion, began the downward spiral of the group. The demand and expectation of his converts to follow in his example and perform 'sex magic' accordingly created an extremely stressful environment. Jim Baker's expectation for the women in 'the family' to perform 'sex magic' often with men they barely knew, only added to the stress and disempowerment that so many women were already feeling; as if it was not demeaning enough that your only role in life as a woman as deemed by Father Yod was 'to serve a man', and then having the added pressure and expectation of performing 'sex magic' with men whom your only connection was that you both happened to be in The Source Family at the same time!  Breaking down the personal boundaries of individuals, especially of those between married couples is something that has been done in countless other cults, and is how Jim Baker was able to implement his version of 'ceremonial sex magic' into The Source Family.  I recently found this excellent compendium about Aleister Crowley and the reasons and origins of his brand of 'sex magick' for anyone interested in gaining a better understanding of the ceremonial 'sex magic' that Jim Baker adopted and imposed on his followers in The Source Family.