Sunday, December 20, 2015

Nitrous Oxide and Other Distractions

I thought that I'd recount the time that Father Yod/Yahowha had tanks of nitrous oxide brought to the Father House for morning meditation, and over the following couple of days; in what was clearly another sensation-seeking attempt by our 'earthly spiritual father' to entertain himself and 'the troops'. Because over time, out of sheer boredom; Jim Baker would use distractions such as taking nitrous oxide, in order to try and achieve an even greater level of 'spiritual insight'.  But, life in The Source Family did become very monotonous with people's movements and actions becoming very restricted; which is why Father Yod began pounding on the kettle drum and singing in his cacophonous way, and why he would use cocaine with only a select few 'family' members, and why he decided to travel to India with his few select 'women'; which I saw as an attention-seeking trip.  Jim Baker thought that if he travelled to India, that he would be seen or recognized as being a great, spiritual teacher or holy man; especially since he had an entire group of 'followers' waiting anxiously for his return, while he went globetrotting.  I believe that Jim Baker's ego grew to such tremendous proportions being surrounded by his very own group of followers, that he really thought that he would be recognized in the 'East' as being a great, spiritual teacher from the 'West.'  So, Father Yod would constantly search for new ways to keep his boredom at bay, by having the entire 'family' use nitrous oxide, or having everyone wander aimlessly around the Bay Area looking for a place to land; anything to keep moving to stave off the boredom and repetitious monotony of daily life.  At one time the entire 'family' landed in San Francisco and moved into The Atherton Mansion; otherwise known as the 'cat lady' mansion because there was one huge room where a woman had taken in and housed hundreds of homeless cats!  How fitting that a house that housed homeless cats would then house a group of homeless cult followers.  But, all that Father Yod seemed to do all day at The Atherton manse was perform 'sex magic' in his upstairs room with his female entourage.  I recall throughout the day being subjected to the orgasmic shrieks and shrills emanating throughout the house from his various women, which seemed like some were trying to outdo one another, in a competition to see who could have the loudest orgasm.  I could not stand that time at The Atherton Mansion in San Francisco just hanging out in limbo in that huge, vacant house (there was not a stick of furniture) waiting around, while Father Yod had sex in his upstairs room, waiting for his next command to move the entire group to its next destination, while he also would spend much of his time continually messing with people's lives and relationships moving family members around and instructing them to be with someone else/leave their partner to 'serve' another as though we were all pawns on his personal chessboard.  Because everyone in 'the family' was expected to do whatever Father Yod told them to do, to go wherever he told them to go, whether it was to move or change partners; something that he did throughout the brief existence of The Source Family cult, but that kind of leader-control of people's personal lives and relationships is indicative of life in a cult.  So, anyone who tries to convince you that Jim Baker is worthy of hero-worship or any kind of hero status is still living in that cult mentality unable to differentiate even 40+ years out the difference between right and wrong behavior, so they cling to the belief that everything that Jim Baker did was for a higher, spiritual purpose.  Which is also why only those who showered him with praise and exhibited complete and utter devotion were given perks and allowances and niceties not afforded to all 'family' members.  Father Yod definitely had his 'favorites.'  A distinct class system grew around 'Yahowha' and his 'women' and a few of his most devoted followers, but where other 'family' members like me only seemed to occupy space in The Source Family.  I just could never worship 'Yahowha' in the way that came to be expected of all 'family' members, by the time that the group reached Hawaii where everything really began to unravel.  Jim Baker pursued hedonistic pleasures in order to stave off any lethargy or inertia, whenever he felt that he wasn't moving fast enough along a 'spiritual' path.  But, as history has proven; a male ego inflated to enormous proportions surrounded by adoring, fawning people (especially women) proclaiming him to be 'God' possessing infinite wisdom often become debauched and dissipated in their pursuit of pleasure, and while Jim Baker was living out his own fantasies within The Source Family by acquiring multiple 'women' around him whom he designated as being his 'wives', to playing at being 'rock star' as lead singer/frontman for Yahowa 13; the rest of the 'family' members like myself stood on the sidelines watching the circus unfold around fulfilling the whims of our 'spiritual' leader.  The entire dynamic of The Source Family revolved around satisfying the whims and desires of Jim Baker, and if someone did not see him for the 'great spiritual' God-man that his most devoted followers proclaimed him to be; or did not follow all of the imperatives and orders handed down from his 'council' of women; then you were marginalized; as those seeking power and perceived position within the family wielded more and more control.  I recall one women who loved to 'carry out' Yahowha's orders by marching around policing everyone looking for infractions, who acquired the name hatchet lady.  That is how stultifying it became in The Source Family.  Either strict adherence to 'the rules' or being kicked out of 'the family' by 'the council' of Yahowha's most controlling women.  What an absolute nightmare the entire thing became, and thank god that it all finally ended when it did; which is why I am against any revival or renewal of The Source Family.  It all became an extremely unhealthy, debauched exercise in cultish rule by a handful of power-hungry women.