Sunday, December 20, 2015

Nitrous Oxide and Other Distractions

I thought that I'd recount the time that Father Yod/Yahowha had tanks of nitrous oxide brought to the Father House for morning meditation, and over the following couple of days in what was clearly another sensation-seeking attempt by our 'earthly spiritual father' to entertain himself and 'the troops'. Because over time out of sheer boredom, Jim Baker would use distractions such as using nitrous oxide, in order to try and achieve an even greater level of 'spiritual insight'.  But, life in The Source Family did become very monotonous where people's movements and actions became very restricted which is why Father Yod began pounding on the kettle drum and singing in his cacophonous way, and why he would use cocaine with only a select few 'family' members, and why he decided to travel to India with his select 'women'----something that I saw as an attention-seeking trip.  Jim Baker thought that if he travelled to India he would be seen or recognized as being a great, spiritual teacher or holy man, especially since he had an entire group of 'followers' waiting anxiously for his return, while he went globetrotting.  I believe that Jim Baker's ego grew to tremendous proportions being surrounded by his very own group of followers and that he really came to believe that he would be immediately recognized in the 'East' as being a great, spiritual teacher from the 'West.'

So, Father Yod would constantly search for new ways to keep his boredom at bay like having the entire 'family' use nitrous oxide, or having everyone wander aimlessly around the Bay Area looking for a place to land and attaching some religious or spiritual meaning/significance to that as being the same as when Moses wandered around the desert for 40 years---anything to keep moving to stave off the boredom and repetitious monotony that daily life became within the closed and cloistered  Source Family.  At one time the entire 'family' ended up in San Francisco and moved into The Atherton Mansion, otherwise known as the 'cat lady' mansion because there was one huge room where a woman had taken in and housed hundreds of homeless cats!  How fitting that a house that housed homeless cats would then house a group of homeless cult followers.  All that Father Yod seemed to do all day at The Atherton manse was perform 'sex magic' in his upstairs room with his female entourage.  I recall throughout the day being subjected to the orgasmic shrieks and shrills emanating throughout the house from his various women where it seemed like some were trying to outdo one another in a competition to see who could have the loudest most vocal orgasm.  I could not stand that time at The Atherton Mansion in San Francisco just hanging out in limbo in that huge, vacant house (there was not a stick of furniture) waiting around, while Father Yod had sex in his upstairs room waiting for his next command to move the entire group to its next destination, where he would also spend much of his time continually messing with people's lives and relationships moving family members around and instructing them to be with someone else----leave their partner or spouse to go 'serve' another, as though we were all pawns on his personal chessboard.

Everyone in The Source Family was expected to do whatever Father Yod told them to do---whether it was to change partners or perform some specific task which was something that he did constantly throughout the brief few years that The Source Family cult existed, but that kind of leader-control of people's personal lives and relationships is indicative of life in a cult.  So, anyone who tries to convince you that Jim Baker is worthy of hero-worship or was some kind of living saint is still living in that cult mentality unable to differentiate even 40+ years out the difference between right and wrong behavior, which is why a few still cling to the belief that everything that Jim Baker did was for a higher, cosmic purpose.  Those who showered Jim Baker with elevated and worshipful praise and devotion were also given perks, allowances and niceties not afforded to all 'family' members, because Father Yod definitely had his 'favorites.'  A distinct class system grew around Father Yod and the women he designated as being 'his women' and a few of his most devoted and loyal 'sons', but where other 'family' members like me only seemed to occupy space in The Source Family.  I just could never worship 'Yahowha' in the way that came to be expected of all 'family' members, especially by the time that the group reached Hawaii where everything really began to unravel.

Jim Baker pursued hedonistic pleasures in order to stave off any lethargy or inertia, whenever he felt that he wasn't moving fast enough along a 'spiritual' path.  But, as history has shown---a male ego inflated to enormous proportions surrounded by adoring, fawning people (especially women) proclaiming him to be 'God' possessing infinite wisdom often become debauched and dissipated in their pursuit of pleasure, and so Jim Baker was living out his own fantasies within The Source Family by acquiring multiple 'women' around him whom he designated as being his 'wives', to playing at being 'rock star' as lead singer/frontman for Yahowa 13 while the rest of the 'family' members like myself stood on the sidelines watching the circus unfold around fulfilling the whims of our 'spiritual' leader.

The entire dynamic of The Source Family revolved around satisfying the whims and desires of Jim Baker and if someone did not see him for the 'great spiritual' God-man that his most devoted followers proclaimed him to be or did not follow all of the imperatives and orders handed down from his 'council' of women then you were marginalized, as those seeking power and perceived position within the family wielded more and more control.  I recall one women who loved to 'carry out' Yahowha's orders by marching around policing everyone looking for infractions, who acquired the name 'hatchet lady'.  That is how stultifying it became in The Source Family.  Either strict adherence to 'the rules' or being kicked out of 'the family' by 'the council' of Yahowha's most controlling women.  What an absolute nightmare the entire thing became, and thank god that it all finally ended when it did, which is why I am against any revival or renewal of The Source Family.  It all became an extremely unhealthy, debauched exercise in cultish rule by a handful of power-hungry women obedient to an older sex-addicted guy with a messiah complex.