Saturday, March 19, 2016

The Inure Circle

I had a conversation with someone recently who used the term 'inner circle' to make a distinction between me, whom she said was part of the 'outer circle' of The Source Family and those whom she had been lead to believe belonged to the 'inner circle'.  Ha ha ha.  Wow, I thought that person had really drunk the Kool-Aid and been influenced by the one person who perpetuates that kind of belief, in order to convince people of her own 'specialness' and perceived status of having been part of this imaginary 'inner circle.'  There was no 'inner circle' within The Source Family; only the imagination and obsessive need for one woman to convince people of her being above and more important than the rest of the riffraff in the family.  What a load of hogwash!  The term 'inner circle' is something that has been adopted and used by one person who has desperately wanted to differentiate herself from the other former 'family' members and saying that she belonged to the 'inner circle' helps her to achieve that.  It also adds to the mystic of it all being a mystery school where 'secret teachings' were being passed on to only the most deserving of initiates.  But, the truth is; there was no 'inner circle' within The Source Family with the exception of a few women who were privy to seeing Jim Baker's junk more often than others, and having to watch him have sex with other women while being in the same room waiting their turn.  Yeah, no thanks.  I did not want to be part of THAT 'inner circle'.  If anything, I would have called it an 'inured circle' of women who had to accept and habituate themselves to enduring Father Yod having sex with multiple women often with more than one at the same time!  But, there was certainly no 'inner circle' as if to convey a small cadre of people possessing esoteric secrets that the lesser 'family' members were not privy.  How can you have an 'inner circle' when absolutely everyone knew what everyone else was doing?!  All crammed together like sardines stacked on top of one another where everyone knew everyone's business.  Although, claiming to have been part of an 'inner circle' does convey a sense of 'special secretiveness' and of being 'chosen'.  But, if I had to be part of a 'circle' within The Source Family, then the 'outer' one suited me just fine; because I wanted nothing to do with all of the machinations of some of Father Yod's 'women', but even the notion of there being an 'inner circle' within The Source Family would confirm the fact that a class system and clique of division grew from Father Yod claiming 'his women', along with a few of the men or sons whom he had nurtured and groomed to be carbon copies of himself.  But, the entire dynamic of 'the family' where some acquired and had more than others was a complete contradiction to the 'aquarian' values that everyone belonged to 'one tribe' and where everything was shared equally.  But, some egos thrive in having a sense of their own importance; especially if they can convince other people of that importance.  Father Yod did incessantly stroke people's egos by telling them how 'special' and 'chosen' and 'apart from the rest of humanity' they were, which helped to shore up their devotion and commitment to him, because feeling special, chosen and apart from the rest of humanity was a consistent theme of Father Yod's big talk.  Many people wanted to sit in Father Yod's presence all day long and be seen as invaluable to him at carrying out all of his orders or directives; some with an almost cruel precision.  One man told me about the time that he was supposed to do 'guard duty' at the compound on Kauai, but did not show up because he was sick; and when one of the 'inure circle' women confronted him she said to him, "you make me sick, you don't deserve to live" brutally chastising him for being unable to show up for guard duty.  That was the gung-ho extremism and severity in carrying out Yahowha's edicts that some people in The Source Family willingly embraced.  Because anyone who didn't perform a task or duty given to them by Father Yod was seen as being weak and lacking the spiritual strength or resolve that some felt they possessed more than others.  Spiritual elitism riding roughshod over those perceived to be lesser or weaker was rampant in 'the family.'  There were a few bullies in The Source Family who would intimidate people and even force them to leave the group.  This was the climate that grew in The Source Family and that produced a few who came out of the experience with the belief that they still belong to an imaginary 'inner circle' which has entitled them with a special position and special powers.