Not that it really matters, but I will concede that the very early days in The Brotherhood of The Source were the best and even referred to as 'Camelot' days by a few of us when everything was still new and exciting when people were feeling happy and ebullient and there was plenty of room in the living arrangements and an equipoise of status was felt among everyone. That was early on when there was enough for everyone equally and when Jim Baker behaved more like a welcoming and caring father figure, rather than the bombastic, grandstanding, egocentric womanizer that many like me who spent years in the group saw that he became watching his ego grow day by day, as more and more were attracted to the outward appearance of the group. But, where the entire dynamic of the group devolved into following Father Yod's edicts and emulating him in speech, dress and behavior and seeing him as god incarnate.
It was at what was called The Father House that Jim Baker, on the suggestion made by one of the women who surrounded him, that he formed 'the council' that was comprised of only women he called 'his women', and so Jim Baker enlisted 'the council' with the job of running and controlling everything that went on within The Source Family enforcing rules and directives either devised among themselves or taken directly from Father Yod. Otherwise, daily life in The Source Family revolved completely around our 'earthly spiritual father', Jim Baker and sitting in front of him every single day while he supposedly exuded wisdom and 'channeled' the word of God, but where it was necessary for him to puff up his follower's egos, in order for them to remain loyal to him; by telling everyone they were the 'forerunners' of a new age and how they were separate from the rest of humanity and how they alone would lead mankind out of the darkness and into the 'Aquarian Age' ad nauseam. So, it was that kind of loyal, obedient and devoted followers that Jim Baker wanted to attract into his 'family' more than anything. It was not surprising when women began insinuating themselves into becoming one of Father Yod's 'women' in order to gain a sense of status, along with having any added niceties and perks which being one of 'Yahowha's women' afforded them. One woman ingratiated herself into becoming one of 'Yahowha's women' (which meant having sex with Jim Baker) so that she could not only have nicer clothing, hats and accessories, and travel abroad with him, but so she could have access to the group's finances, before she left absconding with thousands of dollars.
The Source Family attracted all kinds of bizarre personalities from an endless parade of spectators to some who were just looking for a 'free' place to land that joining The Source Family offered to anyone even feigning an interest in the 'teachings' being extolled by Jim Baker, because attracting new members to his group was of the utmost importance to him; especially attracting women and anyone who appeared to have money or some kind of celebrity status. There were also day-trippers--people who would show up and spend a day or two and then leave, as well as a few dilettante members---people who continued to maintain their own lives and bank accounts outside of the group and who were not at the mercy of whatever handouts or allotments were doled out to the more dependent members. But, the ego boost that some women got by their becoming one of 'Yahowha's women' translated into them seeing themselves as having been 'chosen' and elevated above the rest of the 'family' members, but it also translated into them having more material comforts and benefits they believed their 'special' status warranted like when one 'council' woman commandeered a woman's credit card to shop for new dresses at I. Magnin meant only for herself and the rest of 'Yahowha's women'. I know, boo hoo, because I never had one of those dresses from I. Magnin, but that was the kind of disparity that was created around Father Yod and 'his women.'
Jim Baker was constantly exhibiting favoritism where some people were allowed more than their fair share, while the rest of the family members simply 'got by' with whatever they could scrounge or find, because of the class system that grew out of the superior self-interest of some of the women (and men) who clamored around Yahowha. The last thing that I ever cared about was showing deference or respect to any of the 'council' women; because of the selfish and self-serving behavior of some; behavior that I observed and wanted nothing to do with. But then, I had joined when Jim Baker had only one woman his wife, Robin, before he started his accumulation and impregnation of other women----women whom I refused to see as being worthy of either my respect or obedience just because they were having sex with Jim Baker! It was as though everyone were sitting on the edge of their seats waiting to see which woman would be added to Father Yod's increasing stable of women! Father Yod's addition of another woman to be labeled 'one of his women' was a diversion, in an otherwise boring and enervated existence where daily life consisted of the continued pandering and worshipful obedience to Father Yod.
When Jim Baker created ' the council' comprised of 'his women' to run the daily affairs of 'the family', he created a competition among some of the women. The more controlling women became his lieutenants marching around carrying out his orders wielding their newfound sense of power and position. That was when the entire dynamic of The Source Family changed and became more like a fiefdom with a ruling class, rather than the carefree, joyful brotherhood experience which people initially felt and shared at the very beginning of the group. The few who wanted power and control turned what was once a happy state of equal coexistence among 'family' members into a travail of 'fear and loathing' trying to avoid being called before 'the council' for some infraction! Other former family members have jokingly shared with me the various ways they used to avoid the more controlling 'council' women and their disapproval or reproval. But, that was the atmosphere created around 'Yahowha' and his women, and there were many people who were victimized by a few of the more aggressive 'council' women.
Showing respect along with humble obedience and catering to the personal needs waiting on Yahowha's designated 'special' female companion 'mother/angel' was just one example of the many types of servile behavior cultivated in The Source Family. Any new women deemed as 'angels' were conscripted into waiting on Yahowha's women and providing childcare for his babies, in order to free up 'his women' to allow them to sit in his presence. Seriously, that was the extent of pandering servile behavior encouraged and rewarded of many who joined The Source Family, especially in the latter days, after the entire group relocated to Hawaii where it grew exponentially worse.
The Source Family produced some tremendous spiritual egos in people who still believe their sole purpose in life is to spread Father Yod's 'teachings' to the rest of the world and who exhibit imperious and condescending attitudes towards anyone who challenges their misplaced beliefs that they're doing 'the great work' of Yahowha. But, yes; I will concede that there were some happy, carefree short-lived days of repose in the early part of The Brotherhood of The Source. I look at the expression on my face in photographs from those early days at The Mother House where I can still be seen smiling, to the days at The Atherton Mansion in San Francisco where my smile was replaced with a more somber ambivalent expression of someone who had found themselves trapped in a cult unable to extricate themselves where daily life had become one long test of endurance with the loss of personal autonomy that was replaced with only the daily chanting, breathing exercises and repetition of magical sayings and incantations beseeching invisible forces to convey power and knowledge which only fed the continuing group bubble of delusion that everyone in The Source Family were becoming 'saints' and 'saviors' heralding in the Age of Aquarius---all the while quality of life within the group deteriorated.
Yet, all that magical thinking and ceremonial magic did was to reinforce more and more magical and delusional thinking which did provide degrees of mental succor to endure the worsening living conditions; it just didn't change anything! But there was literally not enough food to eat at times, after the majority of people were shipped to Hawaii at both the Hilo Doc Hill mansion and also at the Hilo country club where I can remember locking myself with my infant son in an empty room above the garage just so that he could safely crawl around next to me so that I could rest suffering from might have been a mild case of hep A, because of the extreme fatigue that I was experiencing--- alternating between that and wandering into the kitchen area to see if there was any food to eat---food that had become very scarce.
But, not everyone suffered during those times. A few of the men could escape into town during the day to pursue 'family' business enterprises where they could at least be afforded something to eat for themselves to be secretly shared with others. Because escaping or sneaking off to find food became very prevalent within The Source Family. Once a woman was 'busted' and called before 'the council', after she received some money in the mail from her 'real' family and went into town with a couple of other women where they bought dates and cheese. The same woman recounted years later how when she went into the health food store surreptitiously to buy dates and cheese; there were a couple 'council women' who were in the store buying food for themselves. Because at that point, especially while in Hilo; life in The Source Family had become dire.
So, for anyone who has vicariously joined The Source Family and been given an honorary 'Aquarian' name and who are now extolling the virtues and benefits of being in 'the family' believing it to have been a wonderfully magical time, and the epitome of New Age healthy, alternative communal or group living or Jim Baker to have been an avatar for New Age----those people have no idea what they're talking about. Because aside from its very earliest beginnings, life in The Source Family became disparate, dysfunctional and desperate. All of which is why it is very hard for me to concede the experience being much more than the restrictive, isolating and debilitating cult situation that it became, and I also refuse to leave my son with a false image of what life was really like in The Source Family.
Saturday, February 13, 2016
Friday, February 5, 2016
Divine Purpose
To me, if there is a 'divine purpose' in life; I believe it would be to save lives....especially the lives of babies and children who are helpless when they enter the world and who are at the mercy of their parents or caregivers to keep them fed, warm and safe---people who would hopefully make the right decisions when it came to their children's health and well-being most of all in a life and death situation. But that didn't happen for all infants in The Source Family, because it became more important to adhere to and follow Jim Baker's beliefs that he imposed on his followers in shunning the use of Western medicine opting for a more 'new agey' or 'faith-based' approach that modern medicine hampers the body's ability to heal itself and would interfere with the 'soul' with a blood transfusion, and an even more harmful and detrimental belief that any infant or child who developed a life-threatening health issue was its own 'karma' in life, and was 'meant to be' and that if that child died, it would be calmly viewed as that soul's release. That is exactly the kind of faulty and detrimental belief system that was part of the 'teachings' of Jim Baker/Father Yod that a few are so determined to 'spread' around the globe. It is my feeling that when religious zealotry and 'new age' beliefs based on only faith healing or the 'soul's karma' deciding one's fate and supersedes everything else jeopardizing the health, well-being and lives of helpless children and infants; than something is fundamentally wrong with that belief system.
Yet, 'playing God' with his followers lives is exactly what Father Yod did. Which is why I cannot understand why anyone can profess the man to have been either wise or holy, because he believed that medical treatment would hinder rather than heal, and so using modern medical procedures was discouraged by our 'earthly spiritual father' to such a degree that he included it in his 'ten commandments for the age of aquarius.' So, any family member who went against one of Father Yod's commandments was seen as being a 'non-believer' or being 'ye of little faith' or being negative towards our illustrious spiritual leader; who wanted everyone to calmly accept the deaths of infants because he believed we should all live in an imaginary 'garden of eden' existence similar to that in biblical times cut off from the rest of society shunning the use of modern medicine.
A couple of other babies also didn't survive The Source Family -- one woman who lost her baby during childbirth might have been prevented with some prenatal care, where another woman's unborn child did not survive after her receiving an electrical shock from a coffeemaker, but who knows perhaps medical intervention of some kind may have saved her baby's life. I don't believe there is one parent reading this who would not sacrifice themselves in order to save the life of their child, yet normal and healthy reactions and responses in life and death situations within The Source Family were muted and subdued and replaced with compliance to the groupthink that flourished that nobody use medical help of any kind. I saw men and women become emotionally impoverished in The Source Family feeling helpless and powerless, due to many of what I considered to be harmful edicts of Father Yod. Which is why the few who are desperately trying to spread the 'teachings' of Father Yod to have the general public accept him as being worthy of sainthood or as being some kind of cultural hero are determined to dismiss, deny or ignore and explain away the deaths of infants using scripted phrases like, 'it was the soul's journey not to remain for long in this earthly existence' or 'it was their time' or 'it was meant to be', or any of the other inane and countless ways to hide or explain away the fact that babies who were in dire need of medical help were denied their chance at a happy and healthy life, as my son and many other babies went on to have who were able to survive The Source Family.
The refusal to use any modern medicine or medical procedures was simply because one religious zealot believed at the time that using modern medicine was more harmful then using whatever means possible to preserve human life--medical treatment that we are so lucky to have in our pampered Western lives. If Jim Baker had chosen to seek medical help himself, after plummeting from the sky in a hang glider rather than choosing to just lay there and die, he might have survived to watch his own children grow, but instead he became a victim/casualty of his own beliefs. Oh, but by all means let's try and spread around and perpetuate Father Yod's example of how to die: that 'it's God's will so let's all just stand around and do nothing' apathetic belief.
There are women with babies and children in poor countries all around the world who are facing sickness, disease and death who would give anything to have the medical facilities that are so readily available to us in our Western culture, and yet there are many 'new agers' who risk their own children's health and well-being by completely shunning modern medicine replacing it with only wishful thinking and herbal salves alone. But, sitting there and doing nothing because of some deluded belief or fear that modern medicine is something to be feared and entirely avoided is really stupid and careless in my mind. For me, there is just no way to attach any kind of spiritual meaning or purpose to the deaths of two babies who never received any kind of medical intervention which might have saved their tiny lives. Like other former 'source family' members, initially when the whitewashed and sanitized book of one former member was released and then the consequent film that was made based on that book came out; I tried to get on the bandwagon and engaged other former family members sharing our thoughts and memories from that experience commiserating over the deprivations and hardships that many of us experienced where I kept hearing more and more sad, heartbreaking and heartwrenching stories of personal loss and residual emotional and physical damage that being in 'the source family' had in their lives---to the point that I found I could no longer pretend or feign that it was all some wonderful paradise on earth or that I held any kind of respect or reverence for Jim Baker.
If you saw your own child lying there screaming and crying wouldn't you do everything in your power out of sheer desperation to save your child's life and either rush them to the emergency room or call an ambulance, or would you just sit there and watch them suffer believing that it was 'God's will' and that medical intervention was far worse for their soul's journey and that their possible death would be seen as a 'liberation' of their soul, because that is exactly what Jim Baker was able to convince the members of his 'cult of personality' (his personality) was the 'Aquarian' way and using modern Western medicine went against one of his 'Aquarian' commandments. So, I urge people to think about what I have just written and then consider if going along with the promotion of 'Father Yod and The Source Family' is still worthy of the hyper-inflated media coverage of the group being 'the darlings of the Sunset Strip.' I especially urge any former family members who might be reading this blog, to really think about and consider what you are doing by showing support or encouragement in the continued promotion of 'Father Yod/Yahowha' or The Source Family as being exemplary examples of some kind of 'new age' healthy lifestyle, when babies were allowed to suffer and die under the direction and guidance of a man who lost perspective about what really mattered in order to maintain the illusion of being an 'earthly spiritual father' and having his 'Aquarian' directives followed and obeyed.
Using the excuse, 'Well, that was just what happened in that time frame' in order for some to mentally distance themselves from all of the misguided and harmful things that took place in the Source Family is the attitude that some have adopted, but forty years really does not change things enough to dismiss or overlook them simply by assigning them to the seventies. Which is why I encourage former members to please stop and consider what they are doing by continuing to show their support and belief in the 'teachings' of Jim Baker, because they are sending a message to their own children and grandchildren that infant deaths were acceptable, along with the other unhealthy practices that were a result of following him.
Would you really want your own children to join a 'Source Family' and surrender themselves to a man like Jim Baker and participate and obey his every command, even if that command might result in the death of their own child? I don't think so; so why do you continue to feign that the 'Source Family' still exists, and bolster up/show support for the small handful of people who only want to profit from the story for their own self promotion, and who continue to pander to the interests of others who want to profit off either the music or the story?
The Source Family was a failure and ended for a reason---not to be resuscitated 40+ years later, dusted off and have a new spin put on all of it in order to gather and gain new followers or believers in Father Yod, and that former members like me are seen as 'airing dirty laundry' rather than exposing the tragic circumstances that were the result of following a cult leader's derelict and irresponsible belief system. The Source Family failed and thankfully ended, because a cult formed around the personality of Jim Baker, whose belief system impoverished people from responding and behaving in rational, healthy ways.
Yet, 'playing God' with his followers lives is exactly what Father Yod did. Which is why I cannot understand why anyone can profess the man to have been either wise or holy, because he believed that medical treatment would hinder rather than heal, and so using modern medical procedures was discouraged by our 'earthly spiritual father' to such a degree that he included it in his 'ten commandments for the age of aquarius.' So, any family member who went against one of Father Yod's commandments was seen as being a 'non-believer' or being 'ye of little faith' or being negative towards our illustrious spiritual leader; who wanted everyone to calmly accept the deaths of infants because he believed we should all live in an imaginary 'garden of eden' existence similar to that in biblical times cut off from the rest of society shunning the use of modern medicine.
A couple of other babies also didn't survive The Source Family -- one woman who lost her baby during childbirth might have been prevented with some prenatal care, where another woman's unborn child did not survive after her receiving an electrical shock from a coffeemaker, but who knows perhaps medical intervention of some kind may have saved her baby's life. I don't believe there is one parent reading this who would not sacrifice themselves in order to save the life of their child, yet normal and healthy reactions and responses in life and death situations within The Source Family were muted and subdued and replaced with compliance to the groupthink that flourished that nobody use medical help of any kind. I saw men and women become emotionally impoverished in The Source Family feeling helpless and powerless, due to many of what I considered to be harmful edicts of Father Yod. Which is why the few who are desperately trying to spread the 'teachings' of Father Yod to have the general public accept him as being worthy of sainthood or as being some kind of cultural hero are determined to dismiss, deny or ignore and explain away the deaths of infants using scripted phrases like, 'it was the soul's journey not to remain for long in this earthly existence' or 'it was their time' or 'it was meant to be', or any of the other inane and countless ways to hide or explain away the fact that babies who were in dire need of medical help were denied their chance at a happy and healthy life, as my son and many other babies went on to have who were able to survive The Source Family.
The refusal to use any modern medicine or medical procedures was simply because one religious zealot believed at the time that using modern medicine was more harmful then using whatever means possible to preserve human life--medical treatment that we are so lucky to have in our pampered Western lives. If Jim Baker had chosen to seek medical help himself, after plummeting from the sky in a hang glider rather than choosing to just lay there and die, he might have survived to watch his own children grow, but instead he became a victim/casualty of his own beliefs. Oh, but by all means let's try and spread around and perpetuate Father Yod's example of how to die: that 'it's God's will so let's all just stand around and do nothing' apathetic belief.
There are women with babies and children in poor countries all around the world who are facing sickness, disease and death who would give anything to have the medical facilities that are so readily available to us in our Western culture, and yet there are many 'new agers' who risk their own children's health and well-being by completely shunning modern medicine replacing it with only wishful thinking and herbal salves alone. But, sitting there and doing nothing because of some deluded belief or fear that modern medicine is something to be feared and entirely avoided is really stupid and careless in my mind. For me, there is just no way to attach any kind of spiritual meaning or purpose to the deaths of two babies who never received any kind of medical intervention which might have saved their tiny lives. Like other former 'source family' members, initially when the whitewashed and sanitized book of one former member was released and then the consequent film that was made based on that book came out; I tried to get on the bandwagon and engaged other former family members sharing our thoughts and memories from that experience commiserating over the deprivations and hardships that many of us experienced where I kept hearing more and more sad, heartbreaking and heartwrenching stories of personal loss and residual emotional and physical damage that being in 'the source family' had in their lives---to the point that I found I could no longer pretend or feign that it was all some wonderful paradise on earth or that I held any kind of respect or reverence for Jim Baker.
If you saw your own child lying there screaming and crying wouldn't you do everything in your power out of sheer desperation to save your child's life and either rush them to the emergency room or call an ambulance, or would you just sit there and watch them suffer believing that it was 'God's will' and that medical intervention was far worse for their soul's journey and that their possible death would be seen as a 'liberation' of their soul, because that is exactly what Jim Baker was able to convince the members of his 'cult of personality' (his personality) was the 'Aquarian' way and using modern Western medicine went against one of his 'Aquarian' commandments. So, I urge people to think about what I have just written and then consider if going along with the promotion of 'Father Yod and The Source Family' is still worthy of the hyper-inflated media coverage of the group being 'the darlings of the Sunset Strip.' I especially urge any former family members who might be reading this blog, to really think about and consider what you are doing by showing support or encouragement in the continued promotion of 'Father Yod/Yahowha' or The Source Family as being exemplary examples of some kind of 'new age' healthy lifestyle, when babies were allowed to suffer and die under the direction and guidance of a man who lost perspective about what really mattered in order to maintain the illusion of being an 'earthly spiritual father' and having his 'Aquarian' directives followed and obeyed.
Using the excuse, 'Well, that was just what happened in that time frame' in order for some to mentally distance themselves from all of the misguided and harmful things that took place in the Source Family is the attitude that some have adopted, but forty years really does not change things enough to dismiss or overlook them simply by assigning them to the seventies. Which is why I encourage former members to please stop and consider what they are doing by continuing to show their support and belief in the 'teachings' of Jim Baker, because they are sending a message to their own children and grandchildren that infant deaths were acceptable, along with the other unhealthy practices that were a result of following him.
Would you really want your own children to join a 'Source Family' and surrender themselves to a man like Jim Baker and participate and obey his every command, even if that command might result in the death of their own child? I don't think so; so why do you continue to feign that the 'Source Family' still exists, and bolster up/show support for the small handful of people who only want to profit from the story for their own self promotion, and who continue to pander to the interests of others who want to profit off either the music or the story?
The Source Family was a failure and ended for a reason---not to be resuscitated 40+ years later, dusted off and have a new spin put on all of it in order to gather and gain new followers or believers in Father Yod, and that former members like me are seen as 'airing dirty laundry' rather than exposing the tragic circumstances that were the result of following a cult leader's derelict and irresponsible belief system. The Source Family failed and thankfully ended, because a cult formed around the personality of Jim Baker, whose belief system impoverished people from responding and behaving in rational, healthy ways.
Thursday, January 7, 2016
My Review of The Film About The Source Family
Since the film about The Source Family came out in 2012, there have been many reviews done about it, along with a plethora of interviews with only one person with the same self-serving, one-sided idealized narrative that much like Pinocchio's nose keeps growing exponentially with each telling, along with their own grandiose self-promotion. So, I thought that I would review the 2012 film, since I did spend six years of my life in The Source Family and have firsthand experience. I was sent a copy of the film not long after it was released on the public at SXSW in Austin in 2012, and at first watching it brought back all of the yucky, unsettling feelings and emotions that I had experienced 40+ years ago which I had suppressed and tried to forget about, because I had gotten on with my life having nothing whatsoever to do with either Father Yod or The Source Family any longer! Watching the film evoked all of the sordid memories and awful, unsettling feelings of being in the group, and so at first; it was difficult for me watch. Because, as with many others; it was a welcomed relief when the whole thing finally ended. There was such a sense of welcomed relief when The Source Family came to an end. Where it felt like being released from an internment camp where you had suffered deprivations and were finally being released! That is what it felt like for many of us, when the entire Source Family debacle finally came to an end----even though many were faced with the stress of having to scramble figuring out where they were going to go, and what they were going to do next: it still brought a welcomed sense of being released. That was something that the 2012 film failed to show.
Life in The Source Family had become insufferable where it had been reduced to most everyone having very little in the way of food, comforts or possessions of any kind; yet where the handful of women who were considered Father Yod's/Yahowha's 'women' were still being taken care of and supported using the little remaining resources along with the financial support of one older gentleman, who was among those who continued to pander to 'Yahowha's mother-angel' and the other 'council women' treating them as though they were royalty, but where often the needs of their own spouses and children became secondary to the needs of 'Yahowha's women.' That was the extent of the maladaptive behaviors germinated within The Source Family where the majority of us just wanted the whole thing to end where thankfully it finally did when it became imminently clear that 'the family' could no longer be supported as a group or a whole; as it had been from the income of The Source Restaurant back in Los Angeles when all of the profits went to support the entire group.
But, those days were over and only a handful of men/sons were capable of going out and earning money and the women with children were forced on to welfare, but even then it certainly wasn't enough to sustain the entire indigent group of 'family members'; especially since none of the women were allowed to work in the 'real' world----the entire thing became insufferable and unsustainable. Yet, the 2012 film somehow gives the audience the impression that life within The Source Family was one of wealth and affluence, but then the glowing accounts and puffery describing Father Yod and life in 'the family' given by some of his most devout remaining followers contributes to giving the audience a fairy tale perspective.
But, the realities of being in The Source Family were something other than the phantasmagoric imagery that some people have tried to present to the public at large, and where the voices of only one or two people have been heard, especially since the overwhelming majority of former Source Family members like myself have wanted absolutely nothing to do with any of it any longer, and did not want to be associated with having been part of a cult where engaging in sexual activity with women in their menstrual cycles took precedence over everything else! But, now I feel the overriding need to disabuse people/the public of the idealized narrative that is being foist upon them into believing that Father Yod or life in The Source Family was worthy of following or emulating. I do feel that the two young women who made the film did the very best they could given the overembellished and one-sided story or version of events that was presented to them, and their limited exposure to a larger pool of former family members, and so because of that; I feel the film lacked any of the more harsher and negative opinions, views and memories of many who populated the family who feel it had a negative impact on their lives. Which left only interviews with people who either had very little to do with the actual Source Family, or the small pool of people who made only very positive comments. Robin Baker's interview segment was the only one that came close to describing just how damaging life within The Source Family had become or expressing the long-term negative impact that the experience had. Many people ended up feeling betrayed and taken advantage of by Jim Baker----people who feel embarrassment and regret for having believed and followed him for as long as they did. Instead, the documentary mainly consists of interviews with onlookers and bystanders----people who knew Jim Baker before he morphed into Father Yod/Yahowha, several sensationalized sound bites to describe the overall experience, and an abundance of overzealous and highly idealized comments made by some diehard former followers who continue to worship, exalt and idolize Jim Baker, and who are trying to dust off and polish up his image to present Father Yod to the world again in the hopes of either re-forming The Source Family or at the very least to gain their own following and/or fan base.
Overall, I feel the 2012 film gives the viewing audience an incomplete and even incorrect view of what life was really like in The Source Family----where it gives the impression that life in 'the family' was a groovy, rock and roll fantasy where we all drove around in Rolls Royces----when the reality was something quite different for the majority of people who comprised The Source Family, and where only a few of Father Yod's chosen favorites received 'special treatment' who were put into positions with buying power for nicer clothing, or musical instruments or equipment deemed only for a select handful----where only a select few were given the opportunity to escape the doldrums of an otherwise powerless, enervated existence within The Source Family. Ordinary family members like myself and my son's father, along with many others did not benefit from the flush of cash that was poured into producing and promoting Yahowa 13 just so Jim Baker could live out his rock star fantasy, or his travels to India, or in his private indulgences of eating at expensive restaurants in Beverly Hills or 'his women' shopping at I.Magnin, or using cocaine riding in his Rolls Royce with only a chosen few on his way to play a high school to troll for new 'spiritual children' to add to the already overcrowded and unhealthy living conditions that life in The Source Family had become----to finally where Jim Baker escaped the deteriorating conditions at Doc Hill in Hilo to move to a lovely hilltop home in the expensive bedroom community of Lanikai on Oahu, with only his select entourage of 'women' spending his final days in idle self-indulgences which the remaining family members had no part. I feel the 2012 film labeled a documentary failed to show all of the above and fell short of presenting the more harsher, negative experiences, views and memories of many who were left with a feeling of being duped, used and even stupid for following Jim Baker, for as long as they did.
Life in The Source Family had become insufferable where it had been reduced to most everyone having very little in the way of food, comforts or possessions of any kind; yet where the handful of women who were considered Father Yod's/Yahowha's 'women' were still being taken care of and supported using the little remaining resources along with the financial support of one older gentleman, who was among those who continued to pander to 'Yahowha's mother-angel' and the other 'council women' treating them as though they were royalty, but where often the needs of their own spouses and children became secondary to the needs of 'Yahowha's women.' That was the extent of the maladaptive behaviors germinated within The Source Family where the majority of us just wanted the whole thing to end where thankfully it finally did when it became imminently clear that 'the family' could no longer be supported as a group or a whole; as it had been from the income of The Source Restaurant back in Los Angeles when all of the profits went to support the entire group.
But, those days were over and only a handful of men/sons were capable of going out and earning money and the women with children were forced on to welfare, but even then it certainly wasn't enough to sustain the entire indigent group of 'family members'; especially since none of the women were allowed to work in the 'real' world----the entire thing became insufferable and unsustainable. Yet, the 2012 film somehow gives the audience the impression that life within The Source Family was one of wealth and affluence, but then the glowing accounts and puffery describing Father Yod and life in 'the family' given by some of his most devout remaining followers contributes to giving the audience a fairy tale perspective.
But, the realities of being in The Source Family were something other than the phantasmagoric imagery that some people have tried to present to the public at large, and where the voices of only one or two people have been heard, especially since the overwhelming majority of former Source Family members like myself have wanted absolutely nothing to do with any of it any longer, and did not want to be associated with having been part of a cult where engaging in sexual activity with women in their menstrual cycles took precedence over everything else! But, now I feel the overriding need to disabuse people/the public of the idealized narrative that is being foist upon them into believing that Father Yod or life in The Source Family was worthy of following or emulating. I do feel that the two young women who made the film did the very best they could given the overembellished and one-sided story or version of events that was presented to them, and their limited exposure to a larger pool of former family members, and so because of that; I feel the film lacked any of the more harsher and negative opinions, views and memories of many who populated the family who feel it had a negative impact on their lives. Which left only interviews with people who either had very little to do with the actual Source Family, or the small pool of people who made only very positive comments. Robin Baker's interview segment was the only one that came close to describing just how damaging life within The Source Family had become or expressing the long-term negative impact that the experience had. Many people ended up feeling betrayed and taken advantage of by Jim Baker----people who feel embarrassment and regret for having believed and followed him for as long as they did. Instead, the documentary mainly consists of interviews with onlookers and bystanders----people who knew Jim Baker before he morphed into Father Yod/Yahowha, several sensationalized sound bites to describe the overall experience, and an abundance of overzealous and highly idealized comments made by some diehard former followers who continue to worship, exalt and idolize Jim Baker, and who are trying to dust off and polish up his image to present Father Yod to the world again in the hopes of either re-forming The Source Family or at the very least to gain their own following and/or fan base.
Overall, I feel the 2012 film gives the viewing audience an incomplete and even incorrect view of what life was really like in The Source Family----where it gives the impression that life in 'the family' was a groovy, rock and roll fantasy where we all drove around in Rolls Royces----when the reality was something quite different for the majority of people who comprised The Source Family, and where only a few of Father Yod's chosen favorites received 'special treatment' who were put into positions with buying power for nicer clothing, or musical instruments or equipment deemed only for a select handful----where only a select few were given the opportunity to escape the doldrums of an otherwise powerless, enervated existence within The Source Family. Ordinary family members like myself and my son's father, along with many others did not benefit from the flush of cash that was poured into producing and promoting Yahowa 13 just so Jim Baker could live out his rock star fantasy, or his travels to India, or in his private indulgences of eating at expensive restaurants in Beverly Hills or 'his women' shopping at I.Magnin, or using cocaine riding in his Rolls Royce with only a chosen few on his way to play a high school to troll for new 'spiritual children' to add to the already overcrowded and unhealthy living conditions that life in The Source Family had become----to finally where Jim Baker escaped the deteriorating conditions at Doc Hill in Hilo to move to a lovely hilltop home in the expensive bedroom community of Lanikai on Oahu, with only his select entourage of 'women' spending his final days in idle self-indulgences which the remaining family members had no part. I feel the 2012 film labeled a documentary failed to show all of the above and fell short of presenting the more harsher, negative experiences, views and memories of many who were left with a feeling of being duped, used and even stupid for following Jim Baker, for as long as they did.
Saturday, December 26, 2015
Absurd Pandering Behaviors
As Father Yod gathered more and more of the women who populated The Source Family in becoming what he called 'his women', the degree of absurd pandering and pampered attention paid to him grew to ludicrous proportions to where he was never left alone, but always had an entourage of women following him around attending to his every need; like when an entourage of 'his women' would even accompany him into the bathroom to 'shake his peepee' for him; lest him have to descend from his 'spiritual height' to perform such a task. A competition grew among the women who were incessantly vying for Father Yod's attention; some spending their days sitting in indolent rapt attention in his presence eagerly waiting in anticipation to fulfilling his every need or desire. This is the degree of sycophantic pandering which ensued around Father Yod and the women who competed for his attention.
In every task performed for Father Yod from making his meals to preparing a cup of coffee for him; he was pampered and treated like royalty and served in a reverential way; where the attendance to the needs of Father Yod took precedence over everything else within the group. This is the extent of ludicrous behavior which ensued within The Source Family: the worshipful obeisance in attending to all of the needs and desires of Father Yod; where the rest of 'the family' became more like bystanders or worker drones in the ever-increasing worship and adulation of Father Yod and his queen bee, where his orders and instructions were to be acted upon immediately post haste with unquestioning loyalty and devotion using the most common colloquial phrase in 'the source family' that began with the words, "Father said....", and if not acted upon was seen as being negative or anti-family. Yet, it is amazing to me how some of Father Yod's most stalwart and staunch lieutenants from that time, now want absolutely no association with having been in The Source Family!
It became a very unhealthy social environment within The Source Family, because if you didn't exhibit a worshipful adoration that was expected towards the 'god' whom Jim Baker had supposedly evolved into, especially when he adopted the name 'Yahowha' than you were seen as lesser within the social strata of 'the family.' Because everything revolved around the worshipful adoration and idolization of 'Yahowha' which is something that is still going on today. But, hanging on 'Yahowha's' every word as though God had just spoken, along with chanting the name Yahowha, and his women incessantly squealing, "Oh, Yahowha!" became representative of the entire dynamic of The Source Family where everything and everyone revolved around the man who changed his name to Yahowha, who was seen as God incarnate and providing him with the absolute best of whatever amenities were available.
I recall very well how some of the men and women who looked upon Jim Baker with worshipful adoration and obeisance took their role very seriously. Some came to believe they were superior in many ways to not only the other people who comprised 'the family', but anyone outside the Source Family as being lesser or not as spiritually evolved; that is the kind of arrogant, spiritual ego that was cultivated within 'the family'. A couple of those people who became convinced of their superiority or their roles as 'saviors of mankind' and of their own supreme powers from having sat before Yahowha even tried to gather their own followers after The Source Family ended with disastrous results. Especially when a few of the 'sons' went out trying to replicate life within 'the family' by acquiring/having multiple women just as their idol Yahowha had done. Even today, a few of the more devote believe themselves to being more enlightened and more highly evolved than people who did not populate The Source Family, and how they alone are carrying on what they continue to see as 'the great work' of Yahowha --- a delusional mindset for anyone to continue to possess, in my opinion.
But, that is one of the tragic results of having spent time in a cult such as The Source Family; whereas some people had an extremely difficult time adjusting back into society, and some continue to behave as though they are still in The Source Family cult continuing to believe that they are the 'saints' and 'sages' and 'saviors' of the world, and so they have enshrined every word spoken and every action performed by their spiritual leader, Jim Baker.
But, I witnessed firsthand many of the people who populated The Source Family spiral out of control when it all ended unsure what to do next; incapable of adjusting to life outside the cult or making a living where many resorted to drug dealing; some incapable of forming new relationships with people who did not share the same cult mentality or use the same 'source' jargon; as well as witnessing several former family members descend into twenty plus years of either drug or alcohol use, until some rather like born-again Christians have once again embraced deifying Yahowha and promoting all of the practices and beliefs that resulted from that construct, in what I see as renewed absurd behaviors.
Monday, December 21, 2015
The Ripoffs and Piracy
Probably the hardest thing to swallow about the regurgitation of The Source Family and the 'branding' that's taken place, is what I've seen as a desperate attempt by a couple of former members to propel themselves into the public spotlight, along with the appropriation of all of the music that came out of The Source Family while completely ignoring, sidelining, and omitting or reimbursing the songwriters and musicians who wrote and performed on every single original piece of music. In what I see as a pleasant form of piracy, a couple of people who were in The Source Family took it upon themselves to represent the entire body of former Source Family members and entered into licensing agreements to market and sell songs and music, in order to promote themselves and maintain their false sense of control. But, in the minds of two people, it seemed all above board and legal for them to freely license songs and music that had been created by the individual songwriters and musicians who were part of The Source Family, regardless of whether anyone approved or not, or even signed anything!
The majority of songwriters and musicians who performed on what has been labeled 'Source Family music' never saw a dime from any of the music sales! But, the two people who were pushing and promoting the entire Source Family mythos on to an unsuspecting public felt extremely justified in everything that they did. Operating on the assumption that nobody was going to challenge anything that either of those two did, they entered into contracts with outside entities to market, license and sell all of the albums and music that were produced, during the brief window of time at The Father House in Los Angeles, while only involving a couple of musicians and completely ignoring the feelings or wishes of other individuals who contributed to the volume of music that had been produced.
Les Adam, who was called Rhythm, was one of those individuals who was completely ignored who had his rights trampled on and was never compensated properly for the use and sale of his own original songs and performances! Les Adam was by far the most accomplished musician of the entire group capable of playing both acoustic and electric guitar, piano and electric keyboards, as well as being one of the strongest and best songwriters and singers in The Source Family, during its existence. Yet, Rhythm wasn't even credited in the 2012 film for three of his songs that were used (Take A Ride, Party Song and Woman), but rather due to the usurping of the individual musician's rights in order to push through completion of the film; the credit for Take A Ride was given to the wrong person, and no credit whatsoever was given for the other two songs written and performed by Les Adam. Instead, the film credits read that all songs used in the 2012 film were 'by permission of the source foundation'! What a joke, when no permission was obtained on the part of the actual songwriters!
Tim Garon was also completely left out/ignored in being given any film credit for his songs Every Morning and Woman Beyond The Sun. Unbelievably, neither Tim or Les were even given a 'Gratitude' credit! No effort was made to make sure that the music credits were done correctly in the film; primarily because the two former Source Family people who were working with the filmmakers did not want to involve any other former members, in order for those two individuals to maintain their tight control over the entire project. Les and I spoke on the phone quite a bit about how angry he was about the way that he was just expected to comply with whatever those two individuals did who had entered into licensing agreements to market and sell the albums that had been made, during the brief window of time The Source Family existed----albums that contained Les Adam's songs and performances and receiving no compensation whatsoever. Les told me over the phone a week or so before he died that he had called and asked one of the people if they could help him out with money, since he was undergoing treatment for throat cancer, but was told there was 'no money' for him; yet the person he had asked for money had used profits from the film to fly around the country doing interviews and photo ops about herself.
The defense made by the two individuals who have marketed and sold music calling it 'Source Family music' (this has been going on since the mid-nineties) continue to say there has been no profit made from the sales of any music, and if so that it has been only a miniscule amount----that statement alone was supposed to appease and placate all of the musicians and songwriters who were completely taken advantage of and basically ripped off! The fact that very little profit has been made, from music sales is beside the point, but it was the only excuse given by the two individuals who ignored addressing the real issue----which was that songs and music have been taken and used without any prior approval or compensation going to the individuals who created the music! The main issue has been completely ignored, until recently where it appears The Source Foundation is being dissolved (Thank God) and any licensing agreements (a few that had been obtained) had been passed on to Starry Records in Los Angeles supposedly since June, and so it will be interesting to see how that plays out especially since The Source Foundation never secured licensing agreements with all of the songwriters!
But, that's what being in a cult does----it breeds and creates a sense of entitlement among former cult members to take, use and profit from anything that was produced when the cult existed; especially in the delusional belief that any music produced, during the cult belonged to the collective. It's my understanding from the copyright office that any song recorded after Feb. 15, 1972 was automatically covered by Federal Copyright law and that anyone wanting to sell or distribute albums containing sound recordings needed permission/a signed licensing agreement with the songwriter! Wow, that didn't happen! So, two former Source Family cult members put their 'foundation' stamp of ownership on all of the songs and performances made by the individual singers, songwriters and musicians who populated The Source Family.
Although, I do not really fault the filmmakers, because I believe that they were given false, misleading and incorrect information to begin with by the two individuals hellbent on their own self-promotion who convinced the filmmakers they owned all of the rights to all of the music recorded during The Source Family cult daze. Les Adam died a few months ago never seeing a single dime from the use and sales of any of his songs or performances from his time spent in The Source Family, because two individuals felt that they had more right to his music than he did. For me, this was and is unforgivable and amidst the self-proclaimed 'high priestess' and 'keeper of the archives' of one individual and all of the other lofty titles adopted by the two people behind the licensing and sales of what has been called 'Father Yod' or 'Source Family' music has been nothing more than greedy self-promotion, along with an in-your-face blatant ripoff of all the songs and music created by individuals who should have been rightfully acknowledged and compensated. Weak platitudes after-the-fact are the only thing offered, by the person who is the worst offender. I ask the public this: how would you feel if your deceased husband's or wife's or own parent's songs and music were taken and used in both a film and on a soundtrack without your prior knowledge or approval? And how in God's name did The Source Foundation have the right to pass on or sell the 'rights' to all of the albums produced during the heyday of The Source Family to another record label, when they/'the foundation' held no rights to the music, to begin with! This makes no sense to me whatsoever----how other entities can sell/profit from the songs and music of other people where no licensing agreements or contracts were ever obtained! Do you think that it is ethically, morally or legally right that someone else sell your family member's songs and music with absolutely no compensation going to the artist or the artist's family? In my mind, the rightful heirs ie the sons and daughters/wives/husbands (including Jim Baker's own biological children) of any singer/songwriter/musician who performed on any of the albums that were produced and recorded during the time the entire Source Family lived together (circa 1973) should be compensated for the continued sales or use of any of the music. But, hey that's just me.
The majority of songwriters and musicians who performed on what has been labeled 'Source Family music' never saw a dime from any of the music sales! But, the two people who were pushing and promoting the entire Source Family mythos on to an unsuspecting public felt extremely justified in everything that they did. Operating on the assumption that nobody was going to challenge anything that either of those two did, they entered into contracts with outside entities to market, license and sell all of the albums and music that were produced, during the brief window of time at The Father House in Los Angeles, while only involving a couple of musicians and completely ignoring the feelings or wishes of other individuals who contributed to the volume of music that had been produced.
Les Adam, who was called Rhythm, was one of those individuals who was completely ignored who had his rights trampled on and was never compensated properly for the use and sale of his own original songs and performances! Les Adam was by far the most accomplished musician of the entire group capable of playing both acoustic and electric guitar, piano and electric keyboards, as well as being one of the strongest and best songwriters and singers in The Source Family, during its existence. Yet, Rhythm wasn't even credited in the 2012 film for three of his songs that were used (Take A Ride, Party Song and Woman), but rather due to the usurping of the individual musician's rights in order to push through completion of the film; the credit for Take A Ride was given to the wrong person, and no credit whatsoever was given for the other two songs written and performed by Les Adam. Instead, the film credits read that all songs used in the 2012 film were 'by permission of the source foundation'! What a joke, when no permission was obtained on the part of the actual songwriters!
Tim Garon was also completely left out/ignored in being given any film credit for his songs Every Morning and Woman Beyond The Sun. Unbelievably, neither Tim or Les were even given a 'Gratitude' credit! No effort was made to make sure that the music credits were done correctly in the film; primarily because the two former Source Family people who were working with the filmmakers did not want to involve any other former members, in order for those two individuals to maintain their tight control over the entire project. Les and I spoke on the phone quite a bit about how angry he was about the way that he was just expected to comply with whatever those two individuals did who had entered into licensing agreements to market and sell the albums that had been made, during the brief window of time The Source Family existed----albums that contained Les Adam's songs and performances and receiving no compensation whatsoever. Les told me over the phone a week or so before he died that he had called and asked one of the people if they could help him out with money, since he was undergoing treatment for throat cancer, but was told there was 'no money' for him; yet the person he had asked for money had used profits from the film to fly around the country doing interviews and photo ops about herself.
The defense made by the two individuals who have marketed and sold music calling it 'Source Family music' (this has been going on since the mid-nineties) continue to say there has been no profit made from the sales of any music, and if so that it has been only a miniscule amount----that statement alone was supposed to appease and placate all of the musicians and songwriters who were completely taken advantage of and basically ripped off! The fact that very little profit has been made, from music sales is beside the point, but it was the only excuse given by the two individuals who ignored addressing the real issue----which was that songs and music have been taken and used without any prior approval or compensation going to the individuals who created the music! The main issue has been completely ignored, until recently where it appears The Source Foundation is being dissolved (Thank God) and any licensing agreements (a few that had been obtained) had been passed on to Starry Records in Los Angeles supposedly since June, and so it will be interesting to see how that plays out especially since The Source Foundation never secured licensing agreements with all of the songwriters!
But, that's what being in a cult does----it breeds and creates a sense of entitlement among former cult members to take, use and profit from anything that was produced when the cult existed; especially in the delusional belief that any music produced, during the cult belonged to the collective. It's my understanding from the copyright office that any song recorded after Feb. 15, 1972 was automatically covered by Federal Copyright law and that anyone wanting to sell or distribute albums containing sound recordings needed permission/a signed licensing agreement with the songwriter! Wow, that didn't happen! So, two former Source Family cult members put their 'foundation' stamp of ownership on all of the songs and performances made by the individual singers, songwriters and musicians who populated The Source Family.
Although, I do not really fault the filmmakers, because I believe that they were given false, misleading and incorrect information to begin with by the two individuals hellbent on their own self-promotion who convinced the filmmakers they owned all of the rights to all of the music recorded during The Source Family cult daze. Les Adam died a few months ago never seeing a single dime from the use and sales of any of his songs or performances from his time spent in The Source Family, because two individuals felt that they had more right to his music than he did. For me, this was and is unforgivable and amidst the self-proclaimed 'high priestess' and 'keeper of the archives' of one individual and all of the other lofty titles adopted by the two people behind the licensing and sales of what has been called 'Father Yod' or 'Source Family' music has been nothing more than greedy self-promotion, along with an in-your-face blatant ripoff of all the songs and music created by individuals who should have been rightfully acknowledged and compensated. Weak platitudes after-the-fact are the only thing offered, by the person who is the worst offender. I ask the public this: how would you feel if your deceased husband's or wife's or own parent's songs and music were taken and used in both a film and on a soundtrack without your prior knowledge or approval? And how in God's name did The Source Foundation have the right to pass on or sell the 'rights' to all of the albums produced during the heyday of The Source Family to another record label, when they/'the foundation' held no rights to the music, to begin with! This makes no sense to me whatsoever----how other entities can sell/profit from the songs and music of other people where no licensing agreements or contracts were ever obtained! Do you think that it is ethically, morally or legally right that someone else sell your family member's songs and music with absolutely no compensation going to the artist or the artist's family? In my mind, the rightful heirs ie the sons and daughters/wives/husbands (including Jim Baker's own biological children) of any singer/songwriter/musician who performed on any of the albums that were produced and recorded during the time the entire Source Family lived together (circa 1973) should be compensated for the continued sales or use of any of the music. But, hey that's just me.
Sunday, December 20, 2015
Nitrous Oxide and Other Distractions
I thought that I'd recount the time that Father Yod/Yahowha had tanks of nitrous oxide brought to the Father House for morning meditation, and over the following couple of days in what was clearly another sensation-seeking attempt by our 'earthly spiritual father' to entertain himself and the troops. Because over time out of sheer boredom, Jim Baker would use distractions such as using nitrous oxide, in order to try and achieve an even greater level of spiritual insight. But, life in The Source Family did become very monotonous where people's movements and actions became very restricted which is why Father Yod began pounding on the kettle drum and singing in his cacophonous way, and why he would use cocaine with only a select few family members, and why he decided to travel to India with his select women----something that I saw as an attention-seeking trip. Jim Baker thought that if he travelled to India he would be seen or recognized as being a great, spiritual teacher or holy man, especially since he had an entire group of followers waiting anxiously for his return, while he went globetrotting. I believe that Jim Baker's ego grew to tremendous proportions being surrounded by his very own group of followers and that he really came to believe that he would be immediately recognized in the East as being a great, spiritual teacher from the West.
So, Father Yod would constantly search for new ways to keep his boredom at bay like having the entire group use nitrous oxide, or having everyone wander aimlessly around the Bay Area looking for a place to land and attaching some religious or spiritual meaning or significance to that as being the same as when Moses wandered around the desert for 40 years---anything to keep moving to stave off the boredom and repetitious monotony that daily life became within the closed and cloistered Source Family. At one time the entire group ended up in San Francisco and moved into The Atherton Mansion, otherwise known as the 'cat lady' mansion because there was one huge room where a woman had taken in and housed hundreds of homeless cats! How fitting that a house that housed homeless cats would then house a group of homeless cult followers. All that Father Yod seemed to do all day at The Atherton manse was perform 'sex magic' in his upstairs room with his female entourage. I recall throughout the day being subjected to the orgasmic shrieks and shrills emanating throughout the house from his various women where it seemed like some were trying to outdo one another in a competition to see who could have the loudest most vocal orgasm. I could not stand that time at The Atherton Mansion in San Francisco just hanging out in limbo in that huge, vacant house (there was not a stick of furniture) waiting around, while Father Yod had sex in his upstairs room waiting for his next command to move the entire group to its next destination, where he would also spend much of his time continually messing with the lives and relationships of his followers moving family members around and instructing them to be with someone else----like leaving their partner or spouse to go be with or rather serve another, as though we were all pawns on his personal chessboard.
Everyone in The Source Family were expected to do whatever Father Yod told them to do---whether it was to change partners or perform some specific task which was something that he did constantly throughout the brief few years that The Source Family cult existed, but that kind of leader-control of people's personal lives and relationships is indicative of life in a cult. So, anyone who tries to convince you that Jim Baker is worthy of hero-worship or was some kind of living saint is still living in that cult mentality unable to differentiate even forty years out the difference between right and wrong behavior, which is why a few still cling to the belief that everything that Jim Baker did was for a higher, cosmic purpose. Those who showered Jim Baker with elevated and worshipful praise and devotion were also given perks, allowances and niceties not afforded to everyone in the group, because Father Yod definitely had his favorites. A distinct class system grew around Father Yod and the women he designated as being his women and a few of his most devoted and loyal sons, but where other members like me only seemed to occupy space in The Source Family. I just could never worship Yahowha in the way that came to be expected of everyone in the group, especially by the time that the group reached Hawaii where everything really began to unravel.
Jim Baker pursued hedonistic pleasures in order to stave off any lethargy or inertia, whenever he felt that he wasn't moving fast enough along a spiritual path. But, as history has shown---a male ego inflated to enormous proportions surrounded by adoring, fawning people (especially women) proclaiming him to be God possessing infinite wisdom often become debauched and dissipated in their pursuit of pleasure, and so Jim Baker was living out his own fantasies within The Source Family by acquiring multiple women around him whom he designated as being his wives, to playing at being rock star as lead singer/frontman for Yahowa 13 while the rest of the family members like myself stood on the sidelines watching the circus unfold around fulfilling the whims of our spiritual leader.
The entire dynamic of The Source Family revolved around satisfying the whims and desires of Jim Baker and if someone did not see him for the great spiritual God-man that his most devoted followers proclaimed him to be or did not follow all of the imperatives and orders handed down from his council of women then you were marginalized, as those seeking power and perceived position within the family wielded more and more control. I recall one women who loved to carry out Yahowha's orders by marching around policing everyone looking for infractions, who acquired the name 'hatchet lady'. That is how stultifying it became in The Source Family. Either strict adherence to the rules or being kicked out of the group by the council of Yahowha's most controlling women. What an absolute nightmare the entire thing became and thankfully it all finally ended when it did, which is why I am against any revival or renewal of The Source Family. It all became an extremely unhealthy, debauched exercise in cultish rule by a handful of power-hungry women obedient to an older sex-addicted guy with a messiah complex.
So, Father Yod would constantly search for new ways to keep his boredom at bay like having the entire group use nitrous oxide, or having everyone wander aimlessly around the Bay Area looking for a place to land and attaching some religious or spiritual meaning or significance to that as being the same as when Moses wandered around the desert for 40 years---anything to keep moving to stave off the boredom and repetitious monotony that daily life became within the closed and cloistered Source Family. At one time the entire group ended up in San Francisco and moved into The Atherton Mansion, otherwise known as the 'cat lady' mansion because there was one huge room where a woman had taken in and housed hundreds of homeless cats! How fitting that a house that housed homeless cats would then house a group of homeless cult followers. All that Father Yod seemed to do all day at The Atherton manse was perform 'sex magic' in his upstairs room with his female entourage. I recall throughout the day being subjected to the orgasmic shrieks and shrills emanating throughout the house from his various women where it seemed like some were trying to outdo one another in a competition to see who could have the loudest most vocal orgasm. I could not stand that time at The Atherton Mansion in San Francisco just hanging out in limbo in that huge, vacant house (there was not a stick of furniture) waiting around, while Father Yod had sex in his upstairs room waiting for his next command to move the entire group to its next destination, where he would also spend much of his time continually messing with the lives and relationships of his followers moving family members around and instructing them to be with someone else----like leaving their partner or spouse to go be with or rather serve another, as though we were all pawns on his personal chessboard.
Everyone in The Source Family were expected to do whatever Father Yod told them to do---whether it was to change partners or perform some specific task which was something that he did constantly throughout the brief few years that The Source Family cult existed, but that kind of leader-control of people's personal lives and relationships is indicative of life in a cult. So, anyone who tries to convince you that Jim Baker is worthy of hero-worship or was some kind of living saint is still living in that cult mentality unable to differentiate even forty years out the difference between right and wrong behavior, which is why a few still cling to the belief that everything that Jim Baker did was for a higher, cosmic purpose. Those who showered Jim Baker with elevated and worshipful praise and devotion were also given perks, allowances and niceties not afforded to everyone in the group, because Father Yod definitely had his favorites. A distinct class system grew around Father Yod and the women he designated as being his women and a few of his most devoted and loyal sons, but where other members like me only seemed to occupy space in The Source Family. I just could never worship Yahowha in the way that came to be expected of everyone in the group, especially by the time that the group reached Hawaii where everything really began to unravel.
Jim Baker pursued hedonistic pleasures in order to stave off any lethargy or inertia, whenever he felt that he wasn't moving fast enough along a spiritual path. But, as history has shown---a male ego inflated to enormous proportions surrounded by adoring, fawning people (especially women) proclaiming him to be God possessing infinite wisdom often become debauched and dissipated in their pursuit of pleasure, and so Jim Baker was living out his own fantasies within The Source Family by acquiring multiple women around him whom he designated as being his wives, to playing at being rock star as lead singer/frontman for Yahowa 13 while the rest of the family members like myself stood on the sidelines watching the circus unfold around fulfilling the whims of our spiritual leader.
The entire dynamic of The Source Family revolved around satisfying the whims and desires of Jim Baker and if someone did not see him for the great spiritual God-man that his most devoted followers proclaimed him to be or did not follow all of the imperatives and orders handed down from his council of women then you were marginalized, as those seeking power and perceived position within the family wielded more and more control. I recall one women who loved to carry out Yahowha's orders by marching around policing everyone looking for infractions, who acquired the name 'hatchet lady'. That is how stultifying it became in The Source Family. Either strict adherence to the rules or being kicked out of the group by the council of Yahowha's most controlling women. What an absolute nightmare the entire thing became and thankfully it all finally ended when it did, which is why I am against any revival or renewal of The Source Family. It all became an extremely unhealthy, debauched exercise in cultish rule by a handful of power-hungry women obedient to an older sex-addicted guy with a messiah complex.
Thursday, December 3, 2015
A Legacy Not Worth Saving
It is easy to forget about the many casualties of The Source Family, amidst the media flurry and exaggerated claims being made about Father Yod and 'life in the family', but there were more casualties from being in the family, than not. Firstly, there is the emotional damage that Jim Baker left behind by impregnating three different women, during his reign over The Source Family. One of those women was his own wife, Robin Baker (known as Ahom) who gave up her own pursuit and dream of becoming an actress in Hollywood when she met and married Jim Baker; whom she believed to be 'the love of her life.' Robin Baker was as instrumental in the formation of The Source Family, as Jim Baker; in fact per Tim Garon who spent an entire year with Jim and Robin, prior to the formation of The Brotherhood of The Source; it was Robin's idea to start their own spiritual family, after Jim Baker decided to leave Yogi Bhajan. Tim also stated that Jim Baker's reason for leaving the yogi was because Jim had found out that Bhajan was having sex with various women in his ashram! But, Robin was young and beautiful when she met Jim Baker in the late sixties where she adopted/took on the role of a spiritual mentor or mother to those who came to her morning classes held at The Source Restaurant where some became inspired by her. Because in the early days of The Source Family, Robin Baker embodied all of the qualities that you might expect to find in an Aquarian Age 'earthly spiritual mother': beauty, warmth, compassion and kindness. Robin embraced her new role as 'spiritual mother'; a complement to Jim Baker's role as 'earthly spiritual father.' Most everyone who joined in the early days of the group referred to Robin Baker with the endearing term of Mother. Robin was the inspiration for several of the young women who joined as she and her husband were laying (no pun intended) the foundation for their New Age Aquarian family. But, Robin had no idea what was in store for her, or what she would have to endure in helping her husband to form his own Aquarian family; she didn't know that very soon after young women who had been inspired by her began to join would be approached by her husband soliciting some to bear his child to further his delusion of creating a super race of Aquarian children via his seed. Jim Baker's plan to impregnate some of the young women who began to join his family came as a shock and a surprise to Robin, but she was now married to the man. So, Robin Baker did her best to adapt and adjust to her husband's objective, hoping and praying that he might soon see the error of his ways and stop his pursuit of other women in the newly formed group; although that did not happen until the final days of his life. Robin had already invested so much of her life in helping her husband create The Source Family, along with nurturing and cultivating relationships with other family members which combined with becoming pregnant with Jim Baker's child; she made the decision to remain in her demoted position within the family. Because Jim Baker replaced Robin with another dark-haired young woman whom he became enamored who had joined the family; referring to her as his 'mother/angel' whom then all of his attention and focus was then centered, and where Susan (named Makushla) displaced Robin. Susan aka Makushla was then waited on hand and foot and showered with praise and adoration, just as Father Yod and is still seen by some devote former family members as being the head of the defunct Source Family, because of her highly touted position of being 'Yahowha's mother/angel'. So, Robin Baker who was Jim Baker's only legal wife, during the entire course of The Source Family was removed from her role as spiritual mother and replaced with Makushla. This is the kind of legacy that Jim Baker left behind; replacing the women or wives in his life with another who caught his eye, along with having children with different women before The Source Family and during its existence. Jim Baker fathered three children with three different women, during the family daze; but he also had children prior to the formation of The Source Family. Yet, this is the legacy that a couple of people are so intent on saving; a legacy of the use and misuse of women and children by a man who saw himself as god or messiah of the New Age. Many men from Jim Baker's generation found it very easy to move from one woman to another; to leave their wives and children for another woman usually a younger or prettier version of the one they were leaving, and to continue fathering children whom they left with very little thought as to their financial support or security; which is exactly what happened with not only Robin Baker and her infant daughter fathered by Jim Baker, but the two other women whom he also impregnated, during the family. Adding insult to injury, one of the more aggressive council women who still saw herself as one of 'Yahowha's women' tried to wrest any remaining financial interest or money from the sale of The Source Restaurant to go to the support of herself and the other women whom Jim Baker had surrounded himself, rather than to the children Jim Baker had sired in The Source Family. Wow, not any kind of legacy worth saving, in my mind; but more a tragic tale of one man leaving behind a wake of fatherless children and abandoned women!
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