Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Deteriorating Conditions and Omissions

Just the idea of a country club conjures up images of swimming pools, golf courses and tennis courts and having drinks at the bar.  But, for anyone who remained in The Source Family after its leader died; life at The Hilo Country Club was anything but enjoyable.  Everyone was still reeling from the death of Father Yod/Yahowha; where the women who comprised the council of 'his women' closed ranks around the woman he deemed his mother/angel looking to her as the group's new leader where all sycophantic and fawning attention was then focused.  The Hilo Country Club was a big, empty place located outside Hilo, Hawaii that was large enough to house what remained of The Source Family.  As usual, there was not a stick of furniture anywhere to be found in the entire place; everyone sat, ate and slept on the floor.  But, then most of the houses The Source Family occupied never contained furniture, beyond the early days at The Mother House in Los Angeles.  But, that was especially true in Hawaii where there was barely enough money to house and feed the entire languishing group.  People would devise ways to go into Hilo to find food or simply escape the lassitude, where life in The Source Family had become a dubious plight.  Most everyone who had remained in 'the family' for years no longer had any means of support and were completely dependent upon whatever was allotted or allowed to them, but the payments from the sale of The Source Restaurant were not enough to support the entire group and since the men were the only ones Father Yod would allow to go out and look for work; support for the entire group fell to the men.  Where it turns out that a few members had continued to maintain their own banks accounts; most everyone who had spent years of their life in The Source Family no longer had any viable means of support and had no money in which to buy themselves or their own children food or basic necessities.  Everyone was completely dependent, but money being received from the sale of the restaurant, along with the welfare payments of the women with children that were being collected from the state of Hawaii was simply not enough to house and feed the entire group.  Yahowha's mother-angel and the trove of other women whom he deemed as being his wives now had to look to the men in the group to look after them; as well as the remaining indigent group of family members.  The same pandering worshipful obeisance that was shown to Father Yod/Yahowha had been shifted to his replacement: the woman designated as his mother/angel.  The pecking order in The Source Family was supposed to be that all food/resources were to go to the children first, then to the nursing or pregnant women, then to the women, and lastly the men; but in actuality it was often 'Yahowha's' mother/angel and his other women, who were often provided for first and foremost; especially the women who had given birth to 'Yahowha's' biological children conceived and born in 'the family'; who were viewed by some as being superior to all of the other children in 'the family.'  Yes, the children conceived by Father Yod were considered to be superior; not only because of his belief in the genetic superiority of his own sperm where early on he became convinced that it was his mission to produce a super race of  'aquarian' children, but largely due to the family members who believed that he was the messiah.  Deluded thinking had taken a firm hold within The Source Family and it effected the thinking and behavior of everyone.  With the death of Jim Baker, there really was no point in The Source Family continuing any longer; yet many of us remained for another year clinging to the magical beliefs touted as the 'teachings' of Jim Baker in what could only be described as a conflicted state of confusion and uncertainty trying to 'stick it out' while having to endure increasingly difficult and tenuous circumstances which resulted in an enervated torpor among family members who were unable to extricate themselves from the worsening circumstances.  Yet, even with the death of Jim Baker; the woman seen as his mother/angel surrounded by 'the council' of women who considered themselves 'wives of Yahowha' insisted that the practice of 'sex magic' be continued and even tracked or charted which 'sons' had been 'serviced' in the performance of the ritualized 'sex magic' that had been so highly lauded by their god-man 'Yahowha'; which seemed to me more a way for them to shore-up the support of the men, since the council of 'Yahowha's' women and his mother/angel now relied on the men or 'sons' for their support.  To me the continued emphasis on ritualized sex being performed seemed bizarre; to place so much emphasis on the performance of 'sex magic', when there was barely enough food for everyone to eat.  Which is why it was no wonder that a couple of 'Yahowha's women' got into prostitution towards the end of 'the family' and after we all dispersed, due to the seedier elements that were being attracted to 'the family.'  A couple of men who were drug dealers turned pimps became attracted to the open, sexually inviting allure of the women in The Source Family; women who had been induced by Father Yod to perform 'sex magic' with any number of men in 'the family' in a detached and impersonal way; so it was easy to see how some women could easily make the transition from being 'mothers' in The Source Family expected to have sex with multiple 'sons' to being prostitutes in the real world.  So, really; why would anyone want to exalt or idolize Jim Baker for creating any of that?  Looking back, I envy those people who left and got out early, before the whole thing degenerated into what became a pressured compliance for everyone to perform 'sex magic', while often lacking food or basic necessities, along with the possibility of contracting hepatitis or a serious staph infection and the constant looming threat of being raided by the local authorities.  Which is why it's all that more unfathomable to me why a small handful of people continue to try and make out life in The Source Family as having been 'ahead of its time' or that we were 'forerunners of a new age.'  There was nothing ahead of its time in an entire group of followers who ended up suffering from a lack of food living crammed and cramped together in conditions which resulted in rampant staph infections, all while trying to adhere to and uphold the magical 'teachings' or beliefs of one man.  All of the occult magic extolled by Father Yod and the ritualized sex, along with the constant chanting and magical incantations that were used were only distractions which perpetuated the delusion that The Source Family was 'being of service to humanity.'  Delusional beliefs and magical thinking staved off the reality that the entire thing had become a cult and was doomed for failure.  Although one former zealous follower of Jim Baker proclaims and blames the 'other' family members for the failure of the group; proclaiming himself to have been superior to everyone else.  A perfect example of the residual delusion that some former member's exhibit.  Those of us who remained in 'the family' after Jim Baker died had become inured to the living conditions, after having lived removed from normal society sequestered away by the words and dictates of our spiritual 'father' in a childlike and dependent way with him directing and guiding us all, which ended up having a debilitating effect.  So, remaining in the group and clinging to the magical, delusional beliefs that we had all adopted and integrated into our daily lives while being in The Source Family seemed less frightening and uncertain, than the prospect of having to go back out into the world; something that all former cult members experience....the fear and consequent challenge of integrating and adjusting back into normal society.  But, that is what being in a cult does; it creates a false belief that only the group or cult can offer safety and security, and that the outside world poses a threat.  So, the people who remained in The Source Family endured worsening conditions when faced with the fear and uncertainty of what might happen to them outside of the group/cult.  Life at The Hilo Country Club consisted of Father Yod's mother/angel leading morning meditation, then the men going into Hilo town everyday to look for food and work, and where many family members looked for ways to escape into town to find food or relief even for a day, from what had become oppressive living conditions; while the women with babies or small children remained at the 'country club' all day sitting around waiting for one of the men to return with food.  Mothers spent the day watching over the children utilizing 'the box' whenever a child became unruly or disobedient.  Everyone walked around in a dazed and distracted way some combating 'golden spell', the term used for hepatitis, without medical treatment.  Again, I want to emphasize for anyone who has watched the film thinking/believing that life in The Source Family was some kind of idealized 'new age' utopia; that had they been there in Hilo and had to endure the conditions at both The Doc Hill mansion and The Hilo Country Club they would feel differently about the whole thing.  But, people have been given a false impression fed only a glamorized version of the story; one that left out the fact that Jim Baker sexualized his so-called 'teachings' so much so that he began to order women that he referred to as his 'daughters' and his 'wives' to sexually service multiple men or 'sons' within 'the family'; many practically strangers to the women who were compelled to follow their 'spiritual father's' directive.  If the filmmakers had been given all of the facts initially where every aspect of what went on in The Source Family had been revealed to them, rather than only being fed one former member's whitewashed and sanitized version or narrative; then perhaps the film labeled a documentary would have been a more truthful and honest rendering, rather than a film that gives the viewing public the impression that life in 'the family' was a magical wonderland or harmless having very few negative effects on its members.  Instead, the filmmakers had certain things hidden and withheld from them, by a woman and her partner (both former members) who wanted to gain media attention for themselves, so they conveniently left out aspects of the story while glorifying themselves, and the film contained nothing about how babies had died or how ingesting a mixture of semen and menstrual blood became the apex of Father Yod's so-called 'teachings.'  Two former 'source family' members highjacked the entire story to use to their own advantage leaving out/omitting anything they wanted left out.  I don't think that any young parent nowadays would tolerate or allow their infant or small child to go without food, or suffer from an untreated staph infection or put into a wooden box with holes, because of the directives of one man and the peer pressure to comply; but that was what life was like in The Source Family.  Parents were put under tremendous pressure to follow Father Yod's edicts regarding their own children.  The publicity photos that surround the film that the public are so taken with and impressed by were taken to promote the music of Yahowha 13, and were merely a form of propaganda meant to attract new members; hopefully people with money or fame.  Father Yod wanted to give the appearance of The Source Family being a wealthy and affluent group.  Yet, it's hard to understand why anyone would want to idolize or hero-worship a man whose beliefs and directives allowed babies to die without receiving medical treatment, and how anyone can ignore the fact that young women were thirteen and fourteen-years-old when Jim Baker insisted on penetrating them sexually; convincing them it was for their own 'spiritual growth' or that he needed to impregnate them in order to create a super race of 'aquarian' children.  Women who now feel as though they were taken advantage of by an older man are dismissed and peer pressured to remain silent, by those former Source Family members who are intent on immortalizing Jim Baker.  The women who believe they were victimized by Father Yod by his own sexual misconduct and his sexualized so-called 'teachings' are told to 'forget about it' and 'leave it in the past', in exchange for their adopting a fairyland narrative; anything to not besmirch the memory of Father Yod/Yahowha.