A Colossal Mistake

Les Adam, or Rhythm as he was called in The Source Family died recently, but he and I had several conversations over the past couple of years about our most vivid memories of being in The Source Family and one of his most profound memories was when he recounted being kicked out by 'the council' which was the ruling body of Jim Baker's women and given $50 and told to leave the group.  Les was forced to leave behind his infant son and his son's mother, because he did not want them to follow him out onto the streets of Honolulu with only $50 dollars in his pocket not knowing where he was going, or what he was going to do next.  

All of that because of a simple misunderstanding between Les and a local man.  After Jim Baker died and Makushla became the ersatz head of The Source Family, all of the pandering and fawning that had been showered on Father Yod/Yahowha was then shifted to her. Although a couple of the more aggressive and self-serving 'council women' manipulated the decisions of the new head of the floundering Source Family who was being bolstered and held up and advised by the more aggressive council women who had been trying to run the family for quite some time and who were now given free rein to do as they pleased which was to dictate how the Source Family members should behave or act; meting out their own form of justice.

In what was a simple miscommunication between Les and a local man who had befriended a couple of family members and who had started attending morning class, because the local man found his bicycle missing one morning.  Les had taken and ridden the man's bike to morning meditation in what was a complete misunderstanding.  Les wasn't stealing the man's bike, nor did he have any malicious intent in taking and using the man's bike, but because the local man was providing financial assistance to the council of Yahowha's women----they sided with him and made the decision to kick Les out of the family in order to teach him a lesson when primarily it was to show their unanimous support for the new convert who was providing them with financial assistance. 

Les, who had been a Source Family member for years had contributed volumes to the entire body of albums and music that were produced at The Father House in Los Angeles, and who was once one of Jim Baker's most valued sons was cast out and made to leave by the council of women headed by Makushla. This was just one example of the kind of justice meted out by Jim Baker's council of women both during and after his death in one glaring self-serving bias after another by a group of women who became, what I considered the overlords of The Source Family.  

A couple of these women continue to see themselves as being wives and women of Yahowha, because they desperately want to try and keep up the artifice, some continuing to pay reverence and respect to Makushla---the woman who Jim Baker replaced his wife, Robin Baker with as his numero uno woman, in a continued pandering and reinforcing Makushla as being Jim Baker's or rather Yahowha's Mother/Angel by some in their desire to keep the cult of Yahowha alive and well.  

Mother/Angel was a term used by Jim Baker to denote his women or the women whom he began to acquire around himself.  If a woman was designated as only being an angel, that meant she only served a son, and not the great leader Jim Baker.  But, my feeling is that the women who continue to refer to themselves as being a woman of Yahowha really need to get over themselves, because the reality is no such thing exists, and was a sham and false pretense to begin with! 

It is my feeling any woman who still considers herself one of the wives or women of Yahowha would do better to shower their love and devotion on the men or husbands they have in their present lives, rather than continuing to worship or exalt Jim Baker, a man who towards the end of his life realized what a colossal mistake that he had made in accumulating so many women around him, along with the entire dependent, indigent and ineffectual group of followers that he had acquired and he just wanted out.

I created a video comprised of famous paintings of women to showcase Les Adam's (Rhythm's) beautiful and haunting song Woman---a song that was also used in the 2012 film, but where Les received no credit.  Les wrote the song and performed on this track.  Woman is also included on the 1973 album titled All Or Nothing At All in which none of the individual songwriters in the family at the time received credit for either their songs or their performances, but rather was titled Father Yod and The Spirit of '76 to convey all credit to Father Yod while obscuring the identities of the people who actually made the music!  Welcome to cult mentality at its finest.

Another of Les Adam's songs written and performed while in The Source Family titled Edge of A Dream, also featured on the Savage Sons of Yahowa album.

This song Welcome To The Country written and performed by Les Adam, was one of the songs presented to A&M Records who were interested in signing Breath to a record deal, but after Father Yod was told by A&M Records they were not willing to make it a Source Family contract, but were only willing to sign the individual musicians; he/Father Yod said no and put the kibosh on the whole thing!

The Brainwashing of Cults

I am going to attempt to explain how the majority of women who were in The Source Family, especially the women with babies and small children were placed in an extremely helpless and vulnerable position within the social order of the group, with the help of the excellent explanations on cult mind control that I have included.  One of Jim Baker's fundamental teachings was how women were like the moon---changeable, emotional, and dependent on a man, or sun (using the life-giving rays of the sun as a metaphor for man) for everything in their lives.  Jim Baker also believed that women were emotionally ill-equipped to deal with the outside world, and so he did not want to see any of the women in his family working in the outside world or maya (maya In Vedic philosophy meaning the limited, physical reality) exposed to all the negative vibrations of the big, bad outside world or the sexual lust of men who were not in the family----brainwashing us all into adopting and integrating Jim Baker's worldview of a woman's role, as being our own.  But, that is what happens in a cult and that is what happened in The Source Family.  The majority of people who joined The Source Family adopted Jim Baker's transcendent belief system which were called teachings, as being their own.

Most of us gave up all our belongings upon joining the family and so we no longer owned cars or had money of our own (although, it turned out some still did), or wore conventional clothing and shoes, much less underwear.  No one had what was considered normal or acceptable clothing or attire, or the resources in which to go out and look for work even if any of us had wanted to----it was just not possible, under the directive of our earthly spiritual father, who controlled every aspect of his follower's lives.  Which is why when one of the most devoted male followers of Jim Baker recently stated that the women who were in The Source Family, who suffered under the directives of Father Yod had been responsible for themselves and should have gone out to look for work---an absurd thing to say.  But his statement highlights perfectly the continued denial and refusal of some former Source Family members in admitting or accepting the fact that The Source Family was a cult, and that we all were brainwashed into adopting and accepting the particular roles for men and women, as determined by Jim Baker in the formation of his Aquarian family.

In fact, some of the men who were in the family blame the women for everything that went wrong within the group, rather than placing any blame on their hero, Jim Baker.  But, the men in The Source Family were seen as gods and suns and a woman's only role in life was to serve and inspire her god man, or sun.  The word serve was the exact term used by Jim Baker.  A woman's role of serving a man in The Source Family included making his meals and serving it to him, doing his laundry, giving him foot and full body massages, making his clothing, and performing 'sex magic' as prescribed by Jim Baker.  I observed a preferential treatment and coddling of several of the men by Jim Baker where no doubt a good ole' boy mentality began to play out between Jim Baker and the men in who could attract or keep the most women, because Jim Baker would continually point out or brag about how women were only attracted to the most powerful and constant sun meaning himself.  Because attracting women, or angels as Jim Baker referred to any potential new female member was of paramount importance to him.

Jim Baker was constantly trolling and looking for new prospective angels to join the ranks of the other women within The Source Family.  Which, by the way, when Jim Baker performed with Yahowha 13 at a local high school of all places it seemed so glaringly inappropriate to me!  Jim Baker was trolling for new female converts at a local high school!  Which also begs the question of why would the Principal of a high school allow the leader of a cult to sing and perform on their campus!  That still baffles me.  So, considering the treatment that Jim Baker expected the women, or angels to perform for his sons; it came as no surprise when I came under attack by a couple of these men who were in The Source Family who do not want to hear what I have to say or any other woman who was in The Source Family who openly speaks out or talks about their hero in a disparaging way.  But, after forty years, I feel that it is time that the truth about what really went on in The Source Family is told and exposed for the cult that it was, and not some New Age ideal tribe or forerunners of the Aquarian Age that some are trying to foist upon the public.  In fact, more people got into drugs and alcohol immediately after the family dispersed than I care to know about.  But, if some former members choose to only promote an idealized account of  Jim Baker and The Source Family that is their prerogative, but mine is to present a more realistic and honest view about what life was really like in this particular New Age cult; especially the enervation that engulfed the women who existed in a kind of helpless inertia where their only role was to be obedient and serve a man, and even worse---perform the sexual ritual called qudosh with multiple men imposed by Jim Baker.  The following statement was one that Jim Baker told the women they were to say, if they found themselves embroiled in an argument or disagreement with their man, "You are right.  I am wrong.  It is the will of God."  The following statements about brainwashing were taken from the website that I've included below.

"To varying degrees, believers can experience a sort of refined mania of inspiration, almost like a drug high, when they are in the hubris phase, identifying with their imaginary idealized new self, with its enhanced understanding and kindness, etc. This inspiration is pleasant and even intoxicating in itself, and it may also be interpreted as a sign of spiritual progress, as a glimpse of a higher reality, or as evidence of the truth of the belief system. This is all part of the circular, solipsistic, self-validating nature of a cult belief system.
The most effective mind-control is the kind that isn't recognized by the victim as any kind of manipulation. You don't feel it, you think you are in control.
Briefly, this is how it works. A cult promotes its cultish belief system, and then believers control their own minds, as they train their minds and reform their personalities, in accordance with the tenets of their cultish new belief system.
Understanding the disorientating, drug-like nature of a cult belief system and worldview is the key to understanding cult mind control.
Cults promote a belief system which is utopian and idealistic, and also dualistic and bi-polar in nature. Dualistic, in the sense that they tend to see the world in terms of two opposite poles, such as pure good and evil, the saved and the fallen, the enlightened and the ignorant, etc.
Cult belief systems are also bi-polar in psychological terms, rather like bi-polar disorder or manic-depression. Cults promote a vision of an ideal 'new life' or 'new self', which members believe they can attain by following the cult teachings.  http://www.ex-cult.org/fwbo/MC20mins.htm

I also wanted to include this excellent YouTube video that explains exactly how cults work.  https://youtu.be/kB-dJaCXAxA

Joining The Source Family

When I first joined The Brotherhood of The Source (it's original name) in 1970, it was a fun and rather exciting experience.  It was all so different gathering together at dawn every morning to meditate and listen to Jim Baker speak and espouse his 'teachings' based on his book Liberation, adopting a 'new age' persona in wearing all white clothing and keeping our hair long looking more biblical with each passing day.  Finding not only a seemingly hip, older 'spiritual father', but a livelihood as well---an immediate oasis or refuge from the streets of LA to the warm and welcoming cocoon-like life within Jim Baker's 'aquarian' family.  There was no exam, no entrance fee, nothing needed in order to qualify anyone for joining the brotherhood.  All that was required of anyone was attending morning meditation, and usually working in The Source Restaurant.  Otherwise, pretty much anyone who wanted could join The Source Family which also attracted some bizarre personalities.  Although, anyone even showing a passing interest, who may have only attended a class or two is now considered 'a source family' member.  Bud Cort, the actor was one of those people.  He never actually joined the family, nor did he ever live with the rest of us.  In fact, I believe that he only showed up for class once or twice when classes were held in the Source Restaurant, prior to all of us moving into The Mother House.  Yet, Bud Cort's name is listed as having been a Source Family member.  The list of members has become quite a long list and has grown to ludicrous proportions.

There was an open door policy so anyone could come and go---leave whenever they wanted and even return if they wanted.  So, many people came and went over the six years that The Source Family was in existence.  Although, for those who are keeping track, it didn't matter whether someone spent one hour or one day----they are still considered a member of The Source Family.  So, lack of longevity or even presence has not excluded anyone from being listed as a Source Family member.  Funnily, this exact same kind of belief continues to this day, by a few who desire to keep the entire thing going and so anyone who wishes to adopt Jim Baker as their 'spiritual father', or simply has become a fan or follower can be adopted into The Source Family!  Amazing how that works.  Absolutely anyone can still become a member of The Source Family, if they adopt Jim Baker as their 'earthly spiritual father', even though the man has been dead for over forty years.

But, I believe that is how a religion is formed, by former devotees of a supposedly holy or spiritual leader or teacher by continuing to proliferate and spread the words and 'teachings' of their spiritual leader in the hopes that others will follow the same path.  Nothing brings some more joy than to see other people copying or emulating in either speech or dress their beloved, but deceased spiritual leader.  But, the truths and realities behind the facade or outward appearance of The Source Family is, in my view what the public should know about, before they decide to idealize, copy or emulate Jim Baker's 'aquarian family.'  When an entire group of people all adopt the same clothing, the exact same appearance or look in behavior and speech it's a pretty good indication of a cult and not one big happy family, as some would have you believe of The Source Family.

The Horrible Secret

Jim Baker aka Father Yod believed that we all possess a soul or spirit which only occupies the human body---a belief found in many Eastern philosophies, and so because of that belief; Baker constantly taught and spoke about how death should be viewed as a release or a liberation of the soul or spirit from the physical plane and should be welcomed, since he believed it gave the soul an opportunity to view it's river of life before it passed on or was reincarnated into another body or even to another plane of existence.  That is what Father Yod believed---that death should be seen and viewed as something to embrace and even looked forward to, and so he taught that death and dying was a welcome relief from the physical plane.  He even believed that everyone in The Source Family when they died would be reborn on the star or planet of Sirius to be reunited there with him.

The belief in the soul or spirit being set free or liberated by death became the pervading belief within The Source Family.  So, when two infants who were born at The Father House in Los Angeles began to show signs of distress and needing medical attention it came as no surprise that Father Yod saw the prospect of either of them leaving the body ie dying an acceptable alternative.  Father Yod believed that the souls or spirits of those infants would make the choice whether to remain in their bodies (live) or leave their bodies (die) to have their souls or spirits reborn at a future date, and so, the normal responses when an infant shows signs of needing medical help or attention were not present, due to the magical and transcendent belief system of Father Yod.

Father Yod did not believe in The Source Family members using any outside medical treatment, and that if it resulted in death then that would be seen and viewed as a liberation for that person's soul---that was the belief system that Father Yod put into place in The Source Family, and that was the belief system which ended up costing the lives of two infants at The Father House.  But, those infant deaths have all but been ignored and glossed over, during the retelling of the story and in the many interviews that have been given in the media coverage surrounding Father Yod and The Source Family after the 2012 film was released. The deaths of two infants who did not receive any medical attention and who died due to the erroneous and harmful edict of Father Yod is something that is severely underplayed, in the hopes by some former members that it will be forgotten.

It is those tiny skeletons in The Source Family closet which is the most shameful and horrible secret of the entire story, and one that those former family members who are intent on promoting Father Yod and Source Family products and merchandise would rather the public not ever know about.  But, it is my feeling that once and for all it finally needs to be told in order to prevent anyone else from following or adopting any of the so-called teachings of Father Yod.  It is also the number one reason why I will never condone the push to promote or sell Jim Baker aka Father Yod as being either a cultural hero or a holy man.  It is time that the truth comes out about how two infants died, because they were denied medical treatment by their parents who were under the spell or brainwashing of Father Yod and his detrimental and deluded belief system that his followers not seek or use modern medicine of any kind.

Somewhere on a hillside in Los Angeles near what was The Father House are buried two tiny casualties of Father Yod's Source Family.  Also, to add insult to injury; Father Yod even banished one of the mothers to a tent on the grounds where ants would soon envelope her infant, because Father Yod didn't want to be disturbed by the incessant crying of that infant.  The other woman whose infant died just languished and suffered in misery, clutching and holding her baby until his last breath.  Both of those children would have been my own son's age by now had they received medical treatment and given a chance to survive, but that didn't happen and their story has all but been hidden, buried or explained away in the fevered desire by some to turn Father Yod and The Source Family into a household name as being an example of healthy, enlightened living representative of a New Age of Aquarian lifestyle and values.  I don't think so.

From Cult to Religion

The actions of one man or woman who is seen as a spiritual teacher, guru or master can have an extremely deleterious effect on an entire group of people, as history has shown over and over again.  It is my opinion, that when people start to believe that one person possesses superior wisdom or love surpassing all others, and those people begin to treat that person in a worshipful and devoted way heeding every word spoken as being tantamount to a 'sermon on the mount' and believing that one person to be imbued with ancient or esoteric wisdom surpassing all others----it is a short step to becoming a cult and over time even considered a 'new religion'.

In the case of The Source Family, all of the fawning adoration and pandering showered upon Jim Baker quickly morphed into a textbook cult situation, and where there still remain devoted followers of Jim Baker aka Father Yod aka Yahowha to this day to the extent that some continue to chant his name and believe that he communicates with them from beyond the grave.  But, no one wants to commit a transgression of any kind towards a person who they saw as being their spiritual leader and teacher, whom they came to love and admire so ardently.

I was in The Source Family for six long years and tried to believe in and follow Jim Baker, and see him as some kind of holy, saint-like person, but the reality was that I could not.  I only ever saw just a man, who became convinced by the adoring men and women surrounding him that he was God and resulted in behavior best described in a phrase that I recently heard described as 'a cascade of narcissism.'  I have also tried multiple times to salvage any good or positive aspects from being in The Source Family especially any actual 'wisdom' that I might have attained by following and obeying Jim Baker, but I have found that I cannot use the word 'wisdom' to describe any of Jim Baker's so-called 'teachings', without ignoring and turning a blind eye to all of the detrimental things that went on in The Source Family, under the guidance and direction of our self-proclaimed earthly spiritual father, Jim Baker and unlike some former Source Family members; I cannot excuse or exempt him from any culpability.

Some former members believe that by attaching a magical or spiritual meaning or significance to Jim Baker's questionable edicts and behaviors that will somehow explain or excuse everything that happened and any of the sordid or unsavory practices that simply would not be found acceptable by normal society are veiled or shrouded in mystery to be viewed as being 'secret teachings' or 'ancient wisdom' and more importantly because those 'secret teachings' and 'ancient wisdom' had been magically 'channeled' through a supposed wise and holy man or woman.

Many spiritual teachers hide behind the appearance or perception of them possessing 'wisdom' or 'truth' which others simply do not have, and that only be following and ardently obeying the spiritual teachers orders or commandments, will the devotee or follower be able to reach the same enlightened place as their teacher.  Which is why a few former Source Family members continue to believe that Jim Baker was no ordinary man, but an enlightened, holy avatar who continues to guide them in their lives. 

But, isn't that how religions start? Isn't seeing one man as your savior and the wisest of the wise with the exalted hero-worship and continued unwavering adoration and exaltation of that one man how most religions began? It is my feeling that when people chose only magical thinking bereft of logic and reason and even common sense is how some 'new religions' begin.  A few former members would love to turn the supposed 'teachings' of Jim Baker into a 'new age' religion by convincing people that he left behind a legacy worthy of the continued worship and adoration of future generations.  

But, I realized that nothing that Jim Baker was teaching or espousing was anything that could not already be found in the many books about the occult, Hinduism and Theosophy that Jim Baker had read and then used.  All of the ceremonial magic and sayings that Father Yod extolled had been adopted and taken from another source.  Anyone could have easily accessed on their own the exact same kind of 'wisdom' or knowledge that Jim Baker was deemed to possess----that none of us had to follow him down the rabbit hole, in order to gain any of the insights or so-called 'wisdom teachings' that many wanted to believe Jim Baker was the sole author. What I am saying is this: that there was nothing extraordinary, enlightened or holy about Jim Baker, but what those people surrounding him wanted to attribute and attach to him.  

I believe that many of the people who decided to join The Brotherhood of the Source had already experienced moments of clarity and comprehension about the universe through their own life experiences and from taking psychedelic drugs which can produce profound realizations and epiphanies about life and our existence and especially about the power of love, kindness and brotherhood which made the Brotherhood of The Source seem very appealing.  I feel that many who joined already had degrees of wisdom, insight or knowledge before they decided to adopt Jim Baker as their 'earthly spiritual father', but by him taking on the spiritual leadership that his ego eagerly embraced; Jim Baker soon began to believe he had become a great and wise spiritual teacher and even eventually God.  But, it didn't stop there, because Jim Baker believed that God had instructed him to create a super race of 'aquarians', and so Jim Baker began cultivating some of the young women who joined his 'family'.  Jim Baker's desire to father a super race began very early on in The Brotherhood of the Source and continued throughout the duration of the group which thankfully resulted in only three babies being born to different women, rather than dozens. 

Because many of us who decided to join The Brotherhood of The Source had already been living communal, 'hippie' lifestyles, during the late sixties; we believed or thought that we would experience the same sort of harmonious individuation as found in other communal settings, but soon found that the entire Source Family dynamic revolved around one man....and that was Jim Baker and a sycophantic pandering and seeking of position began where the gaining of attention and favor of this one man would supersede everything else. 

It is my belief, that Jim Baker succumbed to his own egoic and sexual desires and very quickly the early idealism of The Brotherhood of The Source began to resemble 'a family' alright, although more like a mafia family where all pandering and deference was paid to the 'godfather' where everyone sought an audience with the 'godfather' and payed homage to him----some seeking a position of power and favor which created the perfect setting for power plays and exploitation by those seeking to gain either control or power within the group which is exactly what happened in The Source Family.  One person insinuated themselves into gaining a position of having access to the group's finances and embezzled thousands of dollars, before leaving!  Another person began her acquisition and accumulation of any and everything of material value that people brought into 'the family' and either kept/used herself or reallocated to someone else.  The Source Family quickly deteriorated into a cult of personality that revolved around the constant attention, supplication and adoration of Jim Baker accompanied by the squeals of those designated as 'his women' and the chanting of his name.

Songs of Breath

When the entire Source Family moved to San Francisco in 1975 some members went out trying to make money any way they could.  Tim Garon started singing and playing with a couple of other musicians Les Adam aka Rhythm and Alicia Previn aka Lovely.  Like Tim, Les Adam was also an extremely prolific songwriter, and so they began playing and singing together performing both Tim's songs and Les's.  Alicia played violin and provided background vocals.  The three of them would play on street corners and parks busking for money, along with selling jars of honey.  When Jim Baker heard the three of them together, he saw a moneymaking opportunity and on suggestions made by Octavius, who was also the drummer for Yahowha 13 and for every other musical group that formed within The Source Family; the decision was made to add Octavius on drums and Sunflower on bass guitar to form another in-house band called Breath.

Octavius also put together the studio in the basement of the Atherton manse and recorded the demo tape that was presented to record companies.  Breath rehearsed and recorded in the basement studio that was created at the old Atherton Mansion, where the entire family was living at the time.  A couple of A&R guys had been solicited to come to the house and listen to Breath, in the hopes of securing a recording contract.  But, after Father Yod was told by A&M Records that they would only be willing to sign recording contracts with the individual band members and not with The Source Family, he put the kibosh on the whole thing.

Most people would wonder why the band members wouldn't have gone ahead and signed a record deal! You see that is the degree of indoctrination or brainwashing that happens within a cult where individuals stop making their own rational choices and decisions, but rather obey those of the cult leader which is exactly what happened when Jim Baker said no to Breath having a recording deal!  Here is the recording of Jim Baker asking to listen to the Breath tracks that were going to be presented to A&M Records and him talking about that.  https://soundcloud.com/laura-garon/breath-songs?si=206111eb90a34a71aab899ac7f604068&utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing

Tim and Les lost what might have been a wonderful opportunity in their lives, by submitting to the decision made by their 'earthly spiritual father', Jim Baker a man who maintained a tight control and dominance over every single major decision in the lives of the people in his 'family' which in the case of Breath meant giving up a recording contract with A&M Records!  Who does that kind of thing? Who fiddles with and interferes with individual lives just because they believe they are a great, spiritual master or 'father', which was the case with Jim Baker.  I use the term 'father' loosely, because a real father would have wanted to see his children succeed and prosper, even if perhaps it meant them leaving the 'family', but no, Jim Baker did not want to lose control of a resource that he might be able to exploit at a future date.

So, Tim and Les acquiesced to the decision made by Father Yod, because he would have rather seen them singing and playing on street corners selling honey, rather than having a recording contract. Breath performed in public a few times and they were featured in a Christmas special that was done in 1975 at a local television station in Hawaii https://youtu.be/axvf0xSohec (that video clip plays during the credit roll of the 2012 film), and in 1976 they were one of the opening bands for Sly and The Family Stone at a Diamond Head Crater Festival on New Year's Day.  Although, none of the original master recordings of Breath survived and the band just became a footnote in the music that was produced during The Source Family.  A couple of cassette tapes of Breath did survive, although the sound quality is subpar, but I've included a few of those tracks.

I would also like to add that I have never been allowed to have a copy of the Christmas special video of Breath performing Tim Garon's song, Woman Beyond The Sun to have for Tim's son (our son) to have of his Dad performing, because the person who has the video in their possession refuses to allow me to have a copy out of spite.

A photo of Tim Garon, Alicia Previn and Les Adam standing in front of the fireplace at The Atherton Manse in San Francisco, Ca 1975.

Photo of the in-house band called Breath taken in the basement of The Atherton Mansion circa 1975 in San Francisco, during what was the only recording session of the band, who were making a demo to present to record companies in the hopes of securing a recording contract for the band.  Breath performed the songs of both Tim Garon and Les Adam.  Left to right featured Les Adam (Rhythm) on lead guitar & lead vocals, Patrick Burke (Sunflower) standing at the back on bass guitar, Chris Johnson (Octavius) on drums, Alicia Previn (Lovely) on violin & backup vocals, and Tim Garon on rhythm guitar and lead vocals.

Breath during what was their one and only recording session taken in the basement of The Atherton Mansion San Francisco circa 1975.

Tim performing with Breath.

This photo shows Tim Garon in the foreground bedecked in tinsel and Patrick Burke (Sunflower) on bass guitar in the background.

Above photo of Les Adam (Rhythm), Lovely and Tim.

The above photos were taken in 1976 when Breath were one of the opening bands for Sly and The Family Stone at a Diamond Head Crater Festival.  I believe it was New Year's day.  Les Adam (Rhythm) is seen in the forefront on lead guitar and vocals performing one of his songs, and Tim Garon (Aladdin, Hom) is seen off to his left (facing the photo).

Tim performing with Breath at the pavilion in downtown Hilo.

Here are a few more Breath tracks.

https://youtu.be/-N1xdLxHe5A

https://youtu.be/JSE-YRRz0uc

https://youtu.be/98DIT3kgi9U

Obedience and Submission

One of the biggest regrets that I have from being in The Source Family was when I had to submit to registering my son's name on his birth certificate as being Heavy Aquarian, along with not being allowed to put down his own father's name, Tim Garon.  That was because all the women who had given birth in the group (1974), were made to apply for birth certificates for our babies on Kauai using the last name Aquarian, so that the women could apply for welfare assistance to bring in more money for the group.  It was something that did not sit well with me and I was against doing, but I felt at the time that I had no other choice, and was coerced into doing.  But, I deeply regret that I didn’t refuse to submit to that directive, and didn't just leave at that point. I was completely indoctrinated by then, by going along with and saddling my son to go through life with a birth certificate that reads Heavy Aquarian, along with it not showing that his biological father was Tim Garon. 

It has been my intent to someday return to Hawaii for the sole purpose of petitioning a court or judge to correct my son’s birth certificate.  What an embarrassment it has been, especially after we all dispersed and having to go out into the world and present my son’s Heavy Aquarian birth certificate!  Although, after Tim and I were legally married we legally had our son’s name changed, but his birth cert still reads Heavy Aquarian. 

The situation on Kauai became extremely dire, without the income generated by The Source Restaurant that had once supported the entire group and so either Father Yod or one of his women came up with the idea of the women with babies who had been born in the group going en masse to the county offices on Kauai and applying for birth certificates all using the last name of Aquarian, so that we could then apply for welfare that would pay for airline tickets for the entire group to leave the island. I never actually saw one of these welfare checks, if indeed any were collected. I recall feeling a sense of coercion at being commanded to do this, and going along in reluctance with the rest of the women that day, as if we were a merry group, but throughout the years whenever I have reflected back on that episode; I have felt nothing but immense regret for allowing myself to go along with that directive and remorse for saddling my son with such a thing.

Photo above taken outside the welfare office on Kauai.  I circled myself in light blue. 
 

The days on Kauai were very tumultuous and uncertain fraught with an unsettling, unease and fear of some kind of attack from the outside. Those were extremely distressing times in The Source Family.  I must admit to having been completely indoctrinated by then and incapable of leaving which would explain why I remained and endured the even worsening conditions at The Hilo Country Club and The Doc Hill mansions on the Big Island. The definition of brainwash is the following: "to effect a radical change in the ideas and beliefs of (a person), especially by methods based on isolation, sleeplessness, hunger, extreme discomfort, pain, and the alternation of kindness and cruelty.  Although, we usually equate the idea of being brainwashed as something that was employed by the Gestapo; it is essentially what happens when a group of people sit together in a meditative state each and every day listening to the soft, hypnotic words and edicts of someone who is viewed as either your spiritual father, leader or guru. A kind of hypnotic state takes place which induces a surrendering of ones ego to that one individual accompanied by a compliant belief in their words along with giving a heightened sense of belonging or ‘being part of something special." That is what happened to me and why I remained for six years in The Source Family. 

I had surrendered my personal autonomy and individuality by willingly adopting and acquiescing to Jim Baker's worldview or 'transcendent belief system' integrating and replacing it with my own, because this is how cults form around one central person or leader, at which point anyone in a cult submits their own will to the will of the supposed 'divine leader', and in this particular cult it was the will of Father Yod and the women surrounding him who influenced his decisions. 

In retrospect, I realize that I have only myself to blame, though for allowing myself to submit and be directed and misdirected which is why I am adamantly against anything or anyone who tries to promote Father Yod and The Source Family as being some kind of ideal utopian "Aquarian" uber group and presented to the public as something to aspire or copy.  Especially for young women who need to know that Father Yod saw the role of women as a servile, docile and obedient one.  Jim Baker believed that a woman's role in life was only 'to serve and inspire a man' which meant 'serving' a man (or son, as they were called in the group) which meant doing everything from making his meals, to doing his laundry, making clothes for him, giving him foot and body massages and obeying his every command, but most importantly in performing 'sex magic' with him, as devised and directed by Jim Baker.  So, the role of a woman in The Source Family was not something that I feel any young woman should want to aspire or duplicate and that the role that Jim Baker imposed on the women who were in The Source Family, in my opinion set back the rights of women by a hundred years or more, nor would I ever want my own son to ever give up his personal power to one person or follow them in any kind of humbled obedience or submission.  

This is a photo of my son at Lanikai Beach, considered a place of numen, by Father Yod's/Yahowha's most entrenched followers located on the windward side of Oahu taken right after The Source Family dispersed.

I recently ran across this article in a local Kauai newspaper. https://www.thegardenisland.com/2018/10/28/lifestyles/the-hippies-of-kauais-keapana-valley/?fbclid=IwAR2gBgA42seNw1Zk-_DFoP0hj6WHg4IzapuQiBArDewEJP-c1fAD0WQ9JNg