I read a Vice article today where a woman who survived Jonestown recounted some of her memories and experiences. One of her statements really jumped out at me when she referred to what was called 'the box', which was a 6 x 4 x 3 plywood box where adults considered to have disciplinary problems were placed. Followers of Jim Jones also called him Father, the same as Source Family members called Jim Baker. Similarly, a plywood box was also used in The Source Family as a disciplinary measure, but children were put into that box, not adults. A few of the women who had small children, while in The Source Family have expressed to me how upsetting the box was to have their child placed in it and how that was something they thought was wrong. But, again as I've written about many times---that's what happens in a cult: people surrender and go against their own moral feelings and beliefs to obediently follow and obey their cult leader's, who is perceived to be spiritually superior. Putting children who were acting out into a plywood box, in order to get them to behave was either Jim Baker's idea, or perhaps one of the women whom he appointed to the council. The council, as it was called consisted of several of the women, whom Jim Baker had decided to sexually penetrate and then claimed to be one of his women----a position that gave some women a sense of power and control within the social order of the group. So, it was decided that children who exhibited behavioral problems such as not doing as they were told or who exhibited excessive crying were placed in the box, until they calmed down and became compliant and apologetic for their behavior, because Jim Baker believed that children were like little animals. I have stated before that I didn't like that damn box and thought it was a cruel and scary form of behavior control to use on children, but my son was only an infant when the box was utilized both at The Father House in LA and again at the Hilo Country Club on the Big Island. In the hot, humid conditions of Hawaii; I do not think it would have been very comfortable being placed into a plywood box.
But, that's the kind of thing that diehard followers of Father Yod/Yahowha choose to omit from their idealized fairy tale narrative saying how wonderful and ideal life was within The Source Family, and how 'ahead of its time' and Aquarian the lifestyle was.....hardly. Placing small children into a plywood box as a disciplinary measure is hardly 'ahead of its time' or Aquarian, and yet it's one of the things that went on in The Source Family that some want to keep hidden from view and kept secret, or at best have some kind of spiritual meaning or purpose attached to the many unhealthy and detrimental things that took place within The Source Family, under the direction and complete control of our spiritual leader, Jim Baker.
My recent post comparing Jim Baker's predatory sexual behavior towards the women in The Source Family to that of Harvey Weinstein really caused an uproar among a few of Father Yod/Yahowha's most entrenched devotees. I was accused by one former male member for betraying a vow that he claims everyone took in The Source Family not to divulge Jim Baker's deviant sexual ritual called qudosh that he imposed on the entire group. I never took any vow of silence to never speak about qudosh, but that is the lame argument that a few diehards are using, in defense of one of Jim Baker's most disturbing teachings in a desperate attempt to try and silence, shame or intimidate other former family members from speaking out. Any former member who falsely claims that "we all took a vow of silence" never to reveal the practice of qudosh are terrified that their friends or family members will find out what was really going on within The Source Family and that it wasn't the cool, rock and roll New Age utopian ideal that has been presented to the public. Using a quote that I just saw on a website where a husband and follower of Yogi Bhajan wrote about how his wife had to endure years of sexual demands and abuse at the hands of one of Bhajan's teachers which reads: "I'd rather be hated for telling the truth, than loved for telling a lie"----that's exactly how I feel about exposing qudosh and the truth about many other things that went on within The Source Family that some would rather be kept buried and hidden in the past.
Hide, deny or obfuscate---those are the ploys that a small handful of diehard Father Yod/Yahowha followers are using, because admitting the truth and accepting the fact that those of us who found ourselves in The Source Family cult for years willingly participated in what now the majority of former members realize was textbook cult behavior is just too much for some to bear and creates cognitive dissonance in those who want to cling to their delusional belief that Jim Baker was spiritually superior or an enlightened New Age avatar which includes themselves---a delusional belief they've clung to for the past forty years. As I've stated before, most people would never want to admit they were in a cult, much less that the cult leader imposed a sexual ritual on all of his followers or allowed babies to die without medical treatment of any kind. Honestly, I get it---who would want to admit to being part of something that became harmful and deleterious to the health, well-being and safety of babies, small children and women who were the ones that suffered the most under the so-called teachings and directives of Jim Baker. But, hiding or denying the truth doesn't help the victims of abuse, no matter how long ago it happened.
I wanted to end this blog post by including a link to an article referencing Bounded Choice. Especially for any former Source Family members who are reading this and who are continuing to try and make sense/understand why they stayed/remained in The Source Family for as long as they did, even after realizing that much of what Jim Baker was teaching and extolling was either unhealthy or detrimental to the health and well-being of themselves and their children---I strongly encourage them to read Bounded Choice: True Believers and Charismatic Cults by Dr. Janja Lalich which explains why people find it difficult to leave a cult, after adopting what's described as, "the transcendent belief system" or ideology of the cult leader, because it will provide answers to why so many of us remained in The Source Family for as long as we did.
https://www.jenkiaba.com/lessons-on-leaving/illusion-choice
Wednesday, November 29, 2017
Friday, September 1, 2017
Escaping The Downward Spiral
One thing that Jim Baker seemed to be good at was leaving or escaping situations that he no longer wanted to be in, like his escape from his wife and children early on....his escape from being married to just one woman, and I guess that you could say his escape from any moral or ethical rules of society when he created his own little fiefdom where he was the supreme ruler. Yet, once he had created his fiefdom and called it The Source Family; he would also escape from that whenever things became too stressful for him, or if he became too restless within the confines of his little 'family' and wanted to travel abroad seeking the recognition as a 'great spiritual teacher' that he so eagerly sought and had expected to find in India where he believed that he would be easily recognizable as a great 'holy man'. So, when things became too much for him on Kauai; Jim Baker split with a small entourage of 'essential' women and a couple of 'chosen' sons, who would take care of everything along the way, because having people attend to him and wait on him who virtually revered him as being their divine 'earthly spiritual father' was something that Jim Baker had become accustomed to and enjoyed immensely. I mean, who wouldn't enjoy being the constant center of attention and even seen as God incarnate by some people!
The photo below taken on Kauai conveys a lot about what it was like in The Source Family where our 'spiritual leader' Father Yod would 'hold court' in his often loud and bombastic way either imparting his brand of fiery 'new age' beliefs or chastising someone whom he felt was threatening his 'family' like local public officials or anyone who was against having a cult move in next door to them. The day this photo was taken was when Father Yod had extended an invitation for local Kauai citizens to an 'open house' at the compound where we were all living, in order to show them just how benign and harmless we were; which is why the scene is staged with Father Yod set up with a microphone (I guess he was expecting a huge crowd and wanted to make sure the people in the back could hear him). But it's the somber and pensive expressions on most everyone's face which tells the story more than anything. I was standing at the very back that day; my own face turned downward finding it more and more difficult to look at or listen to Jim Baker as he spouted off like he incessantly did, but like many who had remained in The Source Family for years; I felt trapped and fearful of what might happen, if I were to leave 'the family', because Jim Baker would continually warn of the dangers of leaving....even death or insanity and so like many others who have found themselves trapped in a cult unable to extricate themselves.....remained and endured whatever situation their cult leader lead them into.
Jim Baker's delivery of his 'teachings' became more and more bombastic and was something that he did every single day either during 'morning class' or throughout the course of each day where anyone who remained in The Source Family was expected to stand around, or sit at his feet, or follow him around attentively listening to him preach or 'teach'......whatever you chose to call it. But, everyone who joined The Source Family was expected to display the same adoring and loving reverence for our leader, Jim Baker, because we were his 'little kitties/kiddies' and he had given us everything, and nothing but the utmost respect and elevated reverence was to be shown to our most valued and venerated leader. An atmosphere of utter and complete devotion to our 'earthly spiritual father' was expected at all times and so he could never be wrong or mistaken about anything.....how could he when it was believed that Father Yod had become the voice of God. So, Father Yod was preparing to put on a good show for any locals on Kauai who might show up....he was ready to 'blow their minds' with his profound 'wisdom' and then perhaps they would see him for the great Godman that he believed he had become.
But over time the constant and expected reverential behavior and attitude towards Jim Baker's fire-and-brimstone way of conveying his 'teachings' became more and more contrived; especially whenever there were people present who were non-family members where Jim Baker would really put on a show. The members of Jim Baker's cult of personality labeled The Source Family had followed him to Kauai to live on acreage with one main house where he and 'his women' lived more comfortably than everyone else, who were scattered around in the other structures. Life in The Source Family had disintegrated into living isolated and cut-off in a compound on Kauai, after living in relative prosperity back in Los Angeles where we all lived off the proceeds from The Source Restaurant. But now, many of us had begun to question what we were all doing there continuing to follow, obey and worship this former Los Angeles restauranteur turned 'holy man' who had convinced us that he was our 'spiritual father' and how we were leaders of the 'new age', when we barely had enough food to eat on a daily basis, and were having to live with the stress and fear of some kind of violent retaliation from the Kauai locals where Jim Baker began talking about being prepared to 'kill' anyone who tried to harm his family, and where the nursing mothers were forced to apply for birth certificates all using the last name of Aquarian, in order to receive welfare payments from the state of Hawaii for their babies who were born while in 'the family' none of whom had birth certificates----those welfare payments becoming one of the main sources of income for the remaining family members on Kauai.
So, it was no surprise when Jim Baker decided to take off for India where an exorbitant amount of money was spent on airfares, hotels and clothing, hats and accoutrements for himself and his small, chosen entourage, while the rest of 'the family' remained behind on Kauai where myself and the other women with infants were forced to apply for welfare to support the remaining 'family' members, until we were evicted from the island completely. But, Jim Baker escaped the conditions on Kauai under the guise of 'searching for a new home in Nepal' (of all places) to have a fun and exciting overseas adventure with his small entourage of women and token 'sons' to eat at fine restaurants and stay in nice hotels, while everyone else left behind struggled under the growing insufferable conditions on Kauai. But, none of Jim Baker's decisions or actions were ever questioned by anyone within 'the family', because all of his actions and behaviors were elevated, excused and explained away and always had a magical 'spiritual' significance attached to every single thing that he did or said, and where nothing less than elevated and worshipful dedication and devotion to our 'earthly spiritual father' was to ever be displayed. Welcome to Cult 101 Groupthink where the cult leader's whims and desires are always fulfilled.
Most of us just wanted to escape the worsening conditions on Kauai, and yet felt helpless and incapable of leaving out of fear of what might happen, if we were to leave the group, because our spiritual leader and ersatz father figure repeatedly warned of the dangers of leaving 'the family', and so many of us remained out of fear enduring and suffering through the worsening conditions, while 'Father Yod' jumped ship and went overseas. The account in the one former member's hyperbolic book about The Source Family states, "They (meaning Jim Baker & his entourage) left Egypt and went to Athens, Copenhagen, Denmark, Germany, England, and Canada, then on to the Pacific Northwest, and finally to San Francisco, where the Family waited for them at the airport" making it all sound like such a happy and joyous reunion welcoming back 'Yahowha' from his European vacation, while the rest of 'the family' members had been left behind to struggle under the desperate and deteriorating situation on Kauai. Jim Baker's excuse for his escape from Kauai was to search for better 'digs' for the entire family, but in reality what he was really doing was just extricating himself from the worsening conditions, and as always was seeking to satisfy his own grandiose delusion of being a 'holy man" looking for validation and recognition wherever he went. Jim Baker's self-obsessed messianic complex and his subsequent behavior became apparent to anyone who wasn't blinded by a devotional worship for the man. But, that's what cult leaders and gurus usually do---emboldened by their own grandiose self image of themselves being 'great' spiritual teachers or leaders; they afford themselves travel, luxuries and niceties, while their loyal subjects toil and wait in a holding pattern, until their leader returns to sit at his feet and worship him once again. But, as in most cults, the cult leader's desires were always to be indulged, like the time in San Francisco where our 'earthly spiritual father' went out to eat and ordered steak tartare (which is made from finely chopped or minced raw beef or horsemeat), when his 'teachings' had explicitly been founded on being a vegetarian! But, that's what it's like being in a cult where the followers are expected to adhere to the words & 'teachings' of their master or guru, but the same rules of conduct do not apply to the cult leader.
After Jim Baker returned from his overseas escape/vaca and reunited with the rest of 'the family' in San Francisco, the entire group lived like a bunch of homeless people wandering around the Bay Area looking for a place to call home which ended up being an old, dilapidated mansion in San Francisco where 'Father Yod' would spend his days performing 'sex magick' with his 'women' in his upstairs meditation tower, while the rest of 'the family' members continued to struggle to bring in much needed income, in order to indulge and support Father Yod and the rest of the family members, while trying to follow and adhere to his 'aquarian teachings', even though he had just squandered thousands of dollars escaping to Europe and India to indulge his own spiritual ego. The situation continued to spiral downwards when 'the family' was relocated back to Hawaii....this time to the Big Island moving into what was called The Doc Hill mansion where conditions continued to become dire and desperate where there was barely enough food to eat and some nursing mothers began to show the effects of malnutrition. Again, Jim Baker escaped the conditions at Doc Hill with his entourage of chosen 'women' and 'sons' to Oahu where he took up residency in a lovely home overlooking the ocean in the bedroom community of Lanikai where he would perform his final escape when he decided to fly off a cliff one day to 'test God' leaving behind the babies he'd sired, and the gaggle of women that he'd accumulated around himself.
On this day, Jim Baker had invited the local community of Kauai for a concert and to hear him speak; hoping to win over the locals, but nobody showed up that day. But, that didn't stop Father Yod from delivering one of his fiery speeches about an approaching Armageddon. I circled myself standing at the very back holding my infant son, because I always hung back at these kinds of spectacles having already become extremely disillusioned with Jim Baker, so I moved to the periphery of the group just trying to take care of my infant son, hang on and survive what life in The Source Family had become: a platform to indulge and feed Jim Baker's messianic complex and his desire and need to gather more and more followers, along with constantly having to indulge all of his whims and desires like taking off for Europe and India on a whirlwind trip while the rest of his followers stayed behind suffering and enduring the worsening conditions and the outside pressure from locals to leave Kauai. So, the scene pictured above was part of everyday life within The Source Family, because that's what gurus and spiritual teachers do---they sit around all day doling out 'enlightenment' or their "wisdom" while their adoring and grateful followers sit at their avatar's feet soaking up their every word.....that and constantly attending and waiting on their master or avatar in every capacity whether sexually satisfying them or whatever else is required at their avatar's behest.
The photo below taken on Kauai conveys a lot about what it was like in The Source Family where our 'spiritual leader' Father Yod would 'hold court' in his often loud and bombastic way either imparting his brand of fiery 'new age' beliefs or chastising someone whom he felt was threatening his 'family' like local public officials or anyone who was against having a cult move in next door to them. The day this photo was taken was when Father Yod had extended an invitation for local Kauai citizens to an 'open house' at the compound where we were all living, in order to show them just how benign and harmless we were; which is why the scene is staged with Father Yod set up with a microphone (I guess he was expecting a huge crowd and wanted to make sure the people in the back could hear him). But it's the somber and pensive expressions on most everyone's face which tells the story more than anything. I was standing at the very back that day; my own face turned downward finding it more and more difficult to look at or listen to Jim Baker as he spouted off like he incessantly did, but like many who had remained in The Source Family for years; I felt trapped and fearful of what might happen, if I were to leave 'the family', because Jim Baker would continually warn of the dangers of leaving....even death or insanity and so like many others who have found themselves trapped in a cult unable to extricate themselves.....remained and endured whatever situation their cult leader lead them into.
Jim Baker's delivery of his 'teachings' became more and more bombastic and was something that he did every single day either during 'morning class' or throughout the course of each day where anyone who remained in The Source Family was expected to stand around, or sit at his feet, or follow him around attentively listening to him preach or 'teach'......whatever you chose to call it. But, everyone who joined The Source Family was expected to display the same adoring and loving reverence for our leader, Jim Baker, because we were his 'little kitties/kiddies' and he had given us everything, and nothing but the utmost respect and elevated reverence was to be shown to our most valued and venerated leader. An atmosphere of utter and complete devotion to our 'earthly spiritual father' was expected at all times and so he could never be wrong or mistaken about anything.....how could he when it was believed that Father Yod had become the voice of God. So, Father Yod was preparing to put on a good show for any locals on Kauai who might show up....he was ready to 'blow their minds' with his profound 'wisdom' and then perhaps they would see him for the great Godman that he believed he had become.
But over time the constant and expected reverential behavior and attitude towards Jim Baker's fire-and-brimstone way of conveying his 'teachings' became more and more contrived; especially whenever there were people present who were non-family members where Jim Baker would really put on a show. The members of Jim Baker's cult of personality labeled The Source Family had followed him to Kauai to live on acreage with one main house where he and 'his women' lived more comfortably than everyone else, who were scattered around in the other structures. Life in The Source Family had disintegrated into living isolated and cut-off in a compound on Kauai, after living in relative prosperity back in Los Angeles where we all lived off the proceeds from The Source Restaurant. But now, many of us had begun to question what we were all doing there continuing to follow, obey and worship this former Los Angeles restauranteur turned 'holy man' who had convinced us that he was our 'spiritual father' and how we were leaders of the 'new age', when we barely had enough food to eat on a daily basis, and were having to live with the stress and fear of some kind of violent retaliation from the Kauai locals where Jim Baker began talking about being prepared to 'kill' anyone who tried to harm his family, and where the nursing mothers were forced to apply for birth certificates all using the last name of Aquarian, in order to receive welfare payments from the state of Hawaii for their babies who were born while in 'the family' none of whom had birth certificates----those welfare payments becoming one of the main sources of income for the remaining family members on Kauai.
So, it was no surprise when Jim Baker decided to take off for India where an exorbitant amount of money was spent on airfares, hotels and clothing, hats and accoutrements for himself and his small, chosen entourage, while the rest of 'the family' remained behind on Kauai where myself and the other women with infants were forced to apply for welfare to support the remaining 'family' members, until we were evicted from the island completely. But, Jim Baker escaped the conditions on Kauai under the guise of 'searching for a new home in Nepal' (of all places) to have a fun and exciting overseas adventure with his small entourage of women and token 'sons' to eat at fine restaurants and stay in nice hotels, while everyone else left behind struggled under the growing insufferable conditions on Kauai. But, none of Jim Baker's decisions or actions were ever questioned by anyone within 'the family', because all of his actions and behaviors were elevated, excused and explained away and always had a magical 'spiritual' significance attached to every single thing that he did or said, and where nothing less than elevated and worshipful dedication and devotion to our 'earthly spiritual father' was to ever be displayed. Welcome to Cult 101 Groupthink where the cult leader's whims and desires are always fulfilled.
Most of us just wanted to escape the worsening conditions on Kauai, and yet felt helpless and incapable of leaving out of fear of what might happen, if we were to leave the group, because our spiritual leader and ersatz father figure repeatedly warned of the dangers of leaving 'the family', and so many of us remained out of fear enduring and suffering through the worsening conditions, while 'Father Yod' jumped ship and went overseas. The account in the one former member's hyperbolic book about The Source Family states, "They (meaning Jim Baker & his entourage) left Egypt and went to Athens, Copenhagen, Denmark, Germany, England, and Canada, then on to the Pacific Northwest, and finally to San Francisco, where the Family waited for them at the airport" making it all sound like such a happy and joyous reunion welcoming back 'Yahowha' from his European vacation, while the rest of 'the family' members had been left behind to struggle under the desperate and deteriorating situation on Kauai. Jim Baker's excuse for his escape from Kauai was to search for better 'digs' for the entire family, but in reality what he was really doing was just extricating himself from the worsening conditions, and as always was seeking to satisfy his own grandiose delusion of being a 'holy man" looking for validation and recognition wherever he went. Jim Baker's self-obsessed messianic complex and his subsequent behavior became apparent to anyone who wasn't blinded by a devotional worship for the man. But, that's what cult leaders and gurus usually do---emboldened by their own grandiose self image of themselves being 'great' spiritual teachers or leaders; they afford themselves travel, luxuries and niceties, while their loyal subjects toil and wait in a holding pattern, until their leader returns to sit at his feet and worship him once again. But, as in most cults, the cult leader's desires were always to be indulged, like the time in San Francisco where our 'earthly spiritual father' went out to eat and ordered steak tartare (which is made from finely chopped or minced raw beef or horsemeat), when his 'teachings' had explicitly been founded on being a vegetarian! But, that's what it's like being in a cult where the followers are expected to adhere to the words & 'teachings' of their master or guru, but the same rules of conduct do not apply to the cult leader.
After Jim Baker returned from his overseas escape/vaca and reunited with the rest of 'the family' in San Francisco, the entire group lived like a bunch of homeless people wandering around the Bay Area looking for a place to call home which ended up being an old, dilapidated mansion in San Francisco where 'Father Yod' would spend his days performing 'sex magick' with his 'women' in his upstairs meditation tower, while the rest of 'the family' members continued to struggle to bring in much needed income, in order to indulge and support Father Yod and the rest of the family members, while trying to follow and adhere to his 'aquarian teachings', even though he had just squandered thousands of dollars escaping to Europe and India to indulge his own spiritual ego. The situation continued to spiral downwards when 'the family' was relocated back to Hawaii....this time to the Big Island moving into what was called The Doc Hill mansion where conditions continued to become dire and desperate where there was barely enough food to eat and some nursing mothers began to show the effects of malnutrition. Again, Jim Baker escaped the conditions at Doc Hill with his entourage of chosen 'women' and 'sons' to Oahu where he took up residency in a lovely home overlooking the ocean in the bedroom community of Lanikai where he would perform his final escape when he decided to fly off a cliff one day to 'test God' leaving behind the babies he'd sired, and the gaggle of women that he'd accumulated around himself.
Wednesday, May 31, 2017
Music Recollections By Octavius
All of the songs that were ever recorded, during the Source Family had one thing in common, and that was they all had the same drummer---Octavius performed on every one. Although, Octavius wasn't just the drummer; he was also a producer and engineer. I recently asked Chris Johnson (aka Octavius), if he would write something about the music from The Source Family to post on my blog and here is what he wrote:
Hello, I'm Octavius Aquarian.
I would like to share some memories of being the drummer for The Source Family music journey presenting highlights of the evolution of the music and the phases of its development. I will avoid the emotional interactions of the many people involved. I have been known to be sarcastic and opinionated, so please bear with me and I will try to lay out the meandering journey of music, minds, and melodies. Because of the things that ego’s madmen, and visionaries bring to our lives....some names and places have been left out, to protect the not-so-innocent from getting their togas and drawstring pants in a bunch.
I walked away from a job in Vegas playing for good money, room and board---to the Source Restaurant for no money or room, but I was never bored.
I walked away from the drums when I joined The Brotherhood of The Source. No one knew that I played drums, but sooner than later it was found out that I was a musician.
There was of course as in any group of people, hidden talents never before realized.
There was a member who was a very talented singer/songwriter named Lotus. I would play bongos with her (laughing), because I no longer had a drum kit.
There was another member who was also a singer/songwriter at that time named Aladdin, who was a gifted musician.
There was a member who was a bass player of some repute in Hollywood in those days who was hiding out being a talented jeweler in the group.
There was a member who played keyboard and his name was Magus.
Another songwriter joined, as well who had previously been writing jingles and such; he also wrote some wonderful songs.
The group had enough talent to hobble together a musical distraction.
Artist and thinkers are the troublemakers. It's not only smart, but necessary to have these kinds of people busy doing things that keep them occupied----lest they start asking questions. At least that is what music does to me, and it was all I was in those days....all I thought about. It was my persona---that Jesus was a drummer kind of thing.
That is when the leader says to me, "I have a drummer, I have a band.”
I thought, Oh yay or was that Oy vey!
Well the floodgates were opened. Our spiritual sugar daddy/producer/leader told me to get instruments and outfit a band. Can you say 'gift horse'? Guitar Center here we come in our robes and long hair waving cash around, so as to be taken seriously.
All the people who could do anything showed up for an audition at some point or another. It surprises me how evaluating ourselves can sometimes be so skewed. As I remember, it was nerve-racking at times a bit like the Gong Show. I was designated to be the executioner of musical egos. After purchasing recording equipment, building a studio area and sound booth; we recorded our first album.
Aladdin was never part of the wannabe crowd.
Most all the songwriters and singers made up our 1st musical level.
From there we focused on the individuals who had more than one song.
Arranging and making them band-worthy. We were having a good time playing the rehearsed music.
So much so, we even managed a gig at the Whiskey a Go Go on Sunset. It was The Tubes night off. It was the only gig we had.
As I recall, there were 13 people in the band named "Spirit of Seventy Six” - the 2nd musical effort.
It was during rehearsal days, when the leader of our group started to hang out in the band room.
He did not have a singing voice.
He did not play an instrument.
He wasn’t going to take no for an answer.
He bought a timpani drum to play along!!!!!!
We didn’t have any material that called for timpani drum.
So, he would start playing by himself and we could join in!!
It was less difficult for me at the beginning....both being percussion.
Unfortunately, he didn’t have timing either.
Everyone faked (whatever) the best they could.
Since the guitar player had never really played electric, he made strange sounds with it like squealing and scratching with wha-wha and echo through a B3 cabinet twirling horns vibrato.
He fit right in.
We just kept playing hoping it would end without a scene of freak out or storming off.
That's when our leader said how fantastic that it was.
We had just had our first taste of YaHoWa 13 spontaneous music - the 3rd musical effort.
This is what we presented as our contribution to the music palate of Hollywood in the 70’s.
This spontaneity continued till in the end we had a band member change up.
I observed that the guitar and the sounds made were pushing to dominate and control with no way out.
I went to the leader and said, "Either he goes or I go."
The next day we switched things up and played some music with Arelich (Sky Saxon) and Fire Water Air - the 4th musical effort.
With a different guitar player. Those were in the last days of YHV13 in Hollywood.
We made many albums. Others even took the music and redistributed it. There was even a book about the family, and a music tour for a couple of years 2012-ish, and a documentary movie. The spontaneous music is what we were known for.
There was also a star in the beginning that continued doing what he always did....sing and play his music, but Aladdin now had a new name Hom (pronounced home). When YHV13 was not making a splash anymore, Hom's music came to the front.
We put together a band called BREATH and made some great music - the 5th musical effort.
We presented a demo to A&M records. They liked it. They wanted to give us a contract.
As things go, we were not to take their offer. In retrospect, its obvious our leader was selling the family package not the music.
If the musicians were to sign, they would leave the community. Then what would the group do without their music and their band.
Breath did a few gigs in the last days. We opened for Bread at the Hawaiian International Convention Center, and the Crater Festival in 1976 on New Year's Day in Honolulu Hawaii.
Breath was the most commercial, and relatable music the Source Family ever made.
Short and sweet.
Well, thanks.
Making sure the stories remain true.
Octavius
Chris Johnson
Monday, May 8, 2017
Subjugation By A Narcisstic Cult Leader
Unconsciously, Jim Baker ended up subjugating every man, woman and child who joined his cult family by admonishing and entreating everyone to follow his words or rather his commandments. But, like countless other so-called 'spiritual' leaders of cults, Jim Baker believed that gathering followers around him was what God wanted him to do, and that whatever he said or did or entreated his loyal followers to do was being condoned by a higher power.
I doubt that many gurus and cult leaders have malicious intent when they initially start forming and creating their own little quasi-religious following, but invariably when someone is elevated to the position of being a great avatar espousing the 'word of God' and imploring people to follow and obey them---to be swathed in that man's immense love for them; I believe that with omnipotent control and influence over other people's lives is where so many gurus went wrong. It is always the people who willingly decide to believe in and follow a guru who end up suffering at the hands and commands of the cult leader; especially someone like Jim Baker----a fatherly figure expressing love, care and concern to all who willingly wanted to join him and to follow and obey his commands.
I understand how people have to take responsibility for their own actions and choices in life, and yet the gurus and spiritual leaders who become enthralled by their own power and who become convinced they are 'the voice of God' who then begin to gather people around them exerting absolute control in the lives of their followers and making all of their follower's decisions like what everyone should eat, wear and believe---then I believe that cult leader has to take responsibility for any and all misguided, dangerous and detrimental practices that he decides to impose.
The inflated spiritual ego impressed by his or her own great spiritual achievements begin to believe that everything they do is for the greater good of mankind, and no matter how deviant, debauched or debased their beliefs or behaviors may become; the majority of cult leaders remain confident that all of their actions are condoned by a higher power and therefore, should not be questioned or second-guessed by any of their followers, but rather their followers should be ever so thankful and grateful just to be in their cult leader's presence. That kind of intensified and magnified glorification and idealization of Jim Baker is what happened very early on in The Brotherhood of The Source, as more and more people came to The Source Restaurant wanting to join the group who initially wore only all white clothing, because Jim Baker, the man who owned the restaurant believed that white was the highest 'vibration', and so encouraged by his new wife/bride; Jim Baker decided that he should gather or 'get his own children' (as he is heard saying in the film) to become a spiritual father/leader just like his spiritual leader, Yogi Bhajan had done.
But, the ego of a man or woman usually goes askew when they become thoroughly impressed and enthralled in the belief of their own spiritual greatness, and sadly it's the gullible and hapless yet earnest believers who end up suffering at the hands, whims and desires of the cult leader---people who no matter how much enthusiasm or idealism they may initially have about the decision to follow one man or guru, eventually begin to suffer and feel the negative results by having to 'live up to' and abide by/fulfill the whims and desires of the inflated spiritual ego of their leader---a person who convinced his followers that he wanted to create a new race of enlightened, 'aquarian' children, and that he needed to have sex with and impregnate the women in the group, in order to do that, because after all 'it was what God wanted him to do'. That is exactly what happened with Jim Baker, and yet there are still those who cling to the notion that Jim Baker was a great visionary in possession of ancient knowledge and wisdom surpassing all other teachers and gurus around----people who still refuse to even accept the fact they were in a cult and that cult was The Source Family. An aggrandized spiritual ego tends to hide behind a mask of 'doing God's work' believing that all of their actions and decisions are justified and only for the benefit of others.
Joining The Source Family meant that you were entirely expected to adopt and adhere to Jim Baker's 'teachings' especially his commandments, and anything less was seen as being inferior in some way and not as 'enlightened' or 'aquarian' among his more fervent and zealous followers. Everyone in The Source Family was expected to live by and obey Father Yod's words and teachings in an obedient, unquestioning and childlike way.
In the 2012 film about The Source Family, you hear Jim Baker say the following to the family members surrounding him, "Do you see how I absolutely need you? And how you absolutely need me? What would I do without you? Do you know where I'd be? In the looney bin." That statement was followed by laughter, and yet it was true, because Father Yod had created a dependent situation among his followers---a situation where many became desolate when he died, because their entire lives had revolved around the man. In that statement by Jim Baker, he confirmed that he relied on the constant praise and unwavering devoted and attention of the worshipful meiny surrounding him, many who had been following and obeying his every command for years. The following quote from Daniel Shaw's book titled Traumatic Narcissism: Relational Systems of Subjugation summed up Jim Baker's control perfectly, "Cult leaders succeed in dominating their followers because they have mastered the cruel art of exploiting universal human dependency and attachment needs in others. The lengthy period of dependency in human development, the power that parents have, as God-like figures, to literally give life and sustain the lives of their children, leaves each human being with the memory, however distant or unconscious, of total dependency. Cult leaders tap into and re-activate this piece of the human psyche. Followers are encouraged to become regressed and infantilized, to believe that their life depends on pleasing the cult leader. Cult leaders depend on their ability to attract people, often at critically vulnerable points in their lives, who are confused, hungry, dissatisfied, searching. With such people, cult leaders typically find numerous ways to undermine their followers’ independence and their capacity to think critically." That summarization perfectly defines the childlike/infantile dependence that a majority of Source Family members displayed throughout the existence of the cult. I have stated before how Source Family members would ask Jim Baker's advice/direction and guidance on absolutely everything in their lives where his tenets and decisions were to be quickly adopted and acted upon, and anything else was frowned upon and seen as being lesser for not following Father Yod's letter of the law. Anyone who detoured from the prescribed behaviors as determined by Father Yod were looked down upon as being spiritually inferior by those in The Source Family who considered themselves more 'enlightened' among his 'sons' and 'daughters'----an imperious and often condescending spiritual arrogance was exhibited by many in The Source Family who believed what Jim Baker was telling them---that they were 'chosen' and 'forerunners of the new age' and 'children of the sixth root race' creating an elitist, smug attitude among the more zealous and devoted of Father Yod's followers.
From what began for many of us as something new, novel and exciting wearing all-white clothing trying to adopt a 'spiritual' persona sitting around an older, bearded man who professed being the 'father that we all wished we'd had' became an exhaustive and beleaguered existence in having to listen to Jim Baker/Father Yod/Yahowha incessantly in his bombastic way espouse his 'wisdom' on a 24/7 basis, to where everyone was constantly and exhaustively expected to 'live up to his expectations' and to please him, but most of all to maintain and feign the appearance of absolute commitment and loyalty to any and everything that Father Yod or his 'council of women' wanted or imposed on the rest of us. So, life in The Source Family became an intolerable and unendurable situation where the circumstances of the entire group had become insufferable and unsustainable, and yet a few diehard and devoted followers of Jim Baker are still hell-bent on pretending it was all some kind of wonderland.
Here are other excerpts by Daniel Shaw from Traumatic Abuse in Cults - "In fact, the cult leader does not escape dependency. Instead, he (and also, in many cases, she) comes to depend on his followers to worship and adore him, to reflect his narcissistic delusion of perfection to him as does the mirror to the Evil Queen in the tale of Snow White. One of the ways in which this perversion of dependency is often enacted can be observed when the cult leader claims that because he needs nothing, he is entitled to everything. Thus, cult leaders claiming to be pure and perfect, without any need or attachment, use manic defenses to rationalize and justify their dependence on extravagant and grandiose trappings such as thrones, fleets of Rolls Royces, and the trust funds of their wealthy followers." Although the income from the very successful Source Restaurant provided support for everyone who showed up and wanted to become a follower of Jim Baker, those resources became strained from supporting so many people, and from the indulgent expenditures into either his travels to India or the huge investment in musical instruments and recording equipment to facilitate and indulge Jim Baker's rock star fantasy within the cult; even though only a handful of people benefitted from the flush of cash that went into producing the albums that were made in The Source Family. The strain on the income from the restaurant to support the entire cult compelled Jim Baker to covet and pursue people with personal wealth or celebritydom, because acquiring more and more followers became a major focus of Jim Baker's.
"Ultimately, followers act on the belief that only the leader’s thoughts and feelings matter and have validity, and the follower must exist only to serve the leader’s aims. The follower actively seeks to negate any aspect of his own subjectivity which the leader might disapprove of. To most outside observers, the leader’s aims are clearly nothing more than self-aggrandizement. Insiders, however, in spite of little or no evidence on which to base their assertions, cling stubbornly to the belief that the leader is actually pursuing lofty and noble aims. Asked to do anything to enrich the leader, including, in the case of some notorious groups, prostituting themselves, followers obey and find a way to believe that whatever they do is righteous. By remaining loyal to the leader, the followers persuade themselves that their own existence is given meaning and validity by their support of the leader’s mission." This is chilling and a very accurate description of exactly what happened in The Source Family.
"The follower’s rewards, which are recognition from the leader and the ensuing prestige the followers gain within their group, are bestowed and rescinded at the leader’s whim, keeping the follower in a state of instability and fear about displeasing the leader and thereby losing status and favor.
One of the reasons many of the people who leave cultic groups choose not to identify their own experience as abusive is because to do so would mean acknowledging an extraordinary degree of grief over the loss of a deeply cherished, idealized attachment connected to their most cherished hopes about themselves and about life, along with the unleashing of an extraordinary degree of shame about their own self-deception and gullibility, and shame and rage about the amount of abuse they were willing to endure for the sake of maintaining their tie to the leader. Eventually, the realization that their devotion and labor within in the group led to no real personal growth, and to no significant contribution to society, will also become a source of deep shame and regret." Another very accurate explanation/description of what it was like in The Source Family, and how many felt after the whole thing finally ended. Many of us tried to salvage something positive from the experience of being in The Source Family like doing the 'star exercise' or adhering to a vegetarian diet, but in a kind of collective amnesia the majority of us tried to forget about many of the things that Jim Baker imposed on us/his loyal followers hoping to leave it all in the past. But, there are still a few who only want to present an idealized picture of what life was like in The Source Family, and who are now denying that many things went on, in their need to maintain an illusion that The Source Family was ahead of its time and representative of a new age, or that our leader was an avatar or the messiah.
"For the cult leader, his ability to induce total dependence in followers serves to sustain and enhance a desperately needed delusion of perfect, omnipotent control. " Yep, that about sums it up.
http://integral-options.blogspot.com/2014/05/daniel-shaw-traumatic-abuse-in-cults.html
I doubt that many gurus and cult leaders have malicious intent when they initially start forming and creating their own little quasi-religious following, but invariably when someone is elevated to the position of being a great avatar espousing the 'word of God' and imploring people to follow and obey them---to be swathed in that man's immense love for them; I believe that with omnipotent control and influence over other people's lives is where so many gurus went wrong. It is always the people who willingly decide to believe in and follow a guru who end up suffering at the hands and commands of the cult leader; especially someone like Jim Baker----a fatherly figure expressing love, care and concern to all who willingly wanted to join him and to follow and obey his commands.
I understand how people have to take responsibility for their own actions and choices in life, and yet the gurus and spiritual leaders who become enthralled by their own power and who become convinced they are 'the voice of God' who then begin to gather people around them exerting absolute control in the lives of their followers and making all of their follower's decisions like what everyone should eat, wear and believe---then I believe that cult leader has to take responsibility for any and all misguided, dangerous and detrimental practices that he decides to impose.
The inflated spiritual ego impressed by his or her own great spiritual achievements begin to believe that everything they do is for the greater good of mankind, and no matter how deviant, debauched or debased their beliefs or behaviors may become; the majority of cult leaders remain confident that all of their actions are condoned by a higher power and therefore, should not be questioned or second-guessed by any of their followers, but rather their followers should be ever so thankful and grateful just to be in their cult leader's presence. That kind of intensified and magnified glorification and idealization of Jim Baker is what happened very early on in The Brotherhood of The Source, as more and more people came to The Source Restaurant wanting to join the group who initially wore only all white clothing, because Jim Baker, the man who owned the restaurant believed that white was the highest 'vibration', and so encouraged by his new wife/bride; Jim Baker decided that he should gather or 'get his own children' (as he is heard saying in the film) to become a spiritual father/leader just like his spiritual leader, Yogi Bhajan had done.
But, the ego of a man or woman usually goes askew when they become thoroughly impressed and enthralled in the belief of their own spiritual greatness, and sadly it's the gullible and hapless yet earnest believers who end up suffering at the hands, whims and desires of the cult leader---people who no matter how much enthusiasm or idealism they may initially have about the decision to follow one man or guru, eventually begin to suffer and feel the negative results by having to 'live up to' and abide by/fulfill the whims and desires of the inflated spiritual ego of their leader---a person who convinced his followers that he wanted to create a new race of enlightened, 'aquarian' children, and that he needed to have sex with and impregnate the women in the group, in order to do that, because after all 'it was what God wanted him to do'. That is exactly what happened with Jim Baker, and yet there are still those who cling to the notion that Jim Baker was a great visionary in possession of ancient knowledge and wisdom surpassing all other teachers and gurus around----people who still refuse to even accept the fact they were in a cult and that cult was The Source Family. An aggrandized spiritual ego tends to hide behind a mask of 'doing God's work' believing that all of their actions and decisions are justified and only for the benefit of others.
Joining The Source Family meant that you were entirely expected to adopt and adhere to Jim Baker's 'teachings' especially his commandments, and anything less was seen as being inferior in some way and not as 'enlightened' or 'aquarian' among his more fervent and zealous followers. Everyone in The Source Family was expected to live by and obey Father Yod's words and teachings in an obedient, unquestioning and childlike way.
In the 2012 film about The Source Family, you hear Jim Baker say the following to the family members surrounding him, "Do you see how I absolutely need you? And how you absolutely need me? What would I do without you? Do you know where I'd be? In the looney bin." That statement was followed by laughter, and yet it was true, because Father Yod had created a dependent situation among his followers---a situation where many became desolate when he died, because their entire lives had revolved around the man. In that statement by Jim Baker, he confirmed that he relied on the constant praise and unwavering devoted and attention of the worshipful meiny surrounding him, many who had been following and obeying his every command for years. The following quote from Daniel Shaw's book titled Traumatic Narcissism: Relational Systems of Subjugation summed up Jim Baker's control perfectly, "Cult leaders succeed in dominating their followers because they have mastered the cruel art of exploiting universal human dependency and attachment needs in others. The lengthy period of dependency in human development, the power that parents have, as God-like figures, to literally give life and sustain the lives of their children, leaves each human being with the memory, however distant or unconscious, of total dependency. Cult leaders tap into and re-activate this piece of the human psyche. Followers are encouraged to become regressed and infantilized, to believe that their life depends on pleasing the cult leader. Cult leaders depend on their ability to attract people, often at critically vulnerable points in their lives, who are confused, hungry, dissatisfied, searching. With such people, cult leaders typically find numerous ways to undermine their followers’ independence and their capacity to think critically." That summarization perfectly defines the childlike/infantile dependence that a majority of Source Family members displayed throughout the existence of the cult. I have stated before how Source Family members would ask Jim Baker's advice/direction and guidance on absolutely everything in their lives where his tenets and decisions were to be quickly adopted and acted upon, and anything else was frowned upon and seen as being lesser for not following Father Yod's letter of the law. Anyone who detoured from the prescribed behaviors as determined by Father Yod were looked down upon as being spiritually inferior by those in The Source Family who considered themselves more 'enlightened' among his 'sons' and 'daughters'----an imperious and often condescending spiritual arrogance was exhibited by many in The Source Family who believed what Jim Baker was telling them---that they were 'chosen' and 'forerunners of the new age' and 'children of the sixth root race' creating an elitist, smug attitude among the more zealous and devoted of Father Yod's followers.
From what began for many of us as something new, novel and exciting wearing all-white clothing trying to adopt a 'spiritual' persona sitting around an older, bearded man who professed being the 'father that we all wished we'd had' became an exhaustive and beleaguered existence in having to listen to Jim Baker/Father Yod/Yahowha incessantly in his bombastic way espouse his 'wisdom' on a 24/7 basis, to where everyone was constantly and exhaustively expected to 'live up to his expectations' and to please him, but most of all to maintain and feign the appearance of absolute commitment and loyalty to any and everything that Father Yod or his 'council of women' wanted or imposed on the rest of us. So, life in The Source Family became an intolerable and unendurable situation where the circumstances of the entire group had become insufferable and unsustainable, and yet a few diehard and devoted followers of Jim Baker are still hell-bent on pretending it was all some kind of wonderland.
Here are other excerpts by Daniel Shaw from Traumatic Abuse in Cults - "In fact, the cult leader does not escape dependency. Instead, he (and also, in many cases, she) comes to depend on his followers to worship and adore him, to reflect his narcissistic delusion of perfection to him as does the mirror to the Evil Queen in the tale of Snow White. One of the ways in which this perversion of dependency is often enacted can be observed when the cult leader claims that because he needs nothing, he is entitled to everything. Thus, cult leaders claiming to be pure and perfect, without any need or attachment, use manic defenses to rationalize and justify their dependence on extravagant and grandiose trappings such as thrones, fleets of Rolls Royces, and the trust funds of their wealthy followers." Although the income from the very successful Source Restaurant provided support for everyone who showed up and wanted to become a follower of Jim Baker, those resources became strained from supporting so many people, and from the indulgent expenditures into either his travels to India or the huge investment in musical instruments and recording equipment to facilitate and indulge Jim Baker's rock star fantasy within the cult; even though only a handful of people benefitted from the flush of cash that went into producing the albums that were made in The Source Family. The strain on the income from the restaurant to support the entire cult compelled Jim Baker to covet and pursue people with personal wealth or celebritydom, because acquiring more and more followers became a major focus of Jim Baker's.
"Ultimately, followers act on the belief that only the leader’s thoughts and feelings matter and have validity, and the follower must exist only to serve the leader’s aims. The follower actively seeks to negate any aspect of his own subjectivity which the leader might disapprove of. To most outside observers, the leader’s aims are clearly nothing more than self-aggrandizement. Insiders, however, in spite of little or no evidence on which to base their assertions, cling stubbornly to the belief that the leader is actually pursuing lofty and noble aims. Asked to do anything to enrich the leader, including, in the case of some notorious groups, prostituting themselves, followers obey and find a way to believe that whatever they do is righteous. By remaining loyal to the leader, the followers persuade themselves that their own existence is given meaning and validity by their support of the leader’s mission." This is chilling and a very accurate description of exactly what happened in The Source Family.
"The follower’s rewards, which are recognition from the leader and the ensuing prestige the followers gain within their group, are bestowed and rescinded at the leader’s whim, keeping the follower in a state of instability and fear about displeasing the leader and thereby losing status and favor.
One of the reasons many of the people who leave cultic groups choose not to identify their own experience as abusive is because to do so would mean acknowledging an extraordinary degree of grief over the loss of a deeply cherished, idealized attachment connected to their most cherished hopes about themselves and about life, along with the unleashing of an extraordinary degree of shame about their own self-deception and gullibility, and shame and rage about the amount of abuse they were willing to endure for the sake of maintaining their tie to the leader. Eventually, the realization that their devotion and labor within in the group led to no real personal growth, and to no significant contribution to society, will also become a source of deep shame and regret." Another very accurate explanation/description of what it was like in The Source Family, and how many felt after the whole thing finally ended. Many of us tried to salvage something positive from the experience of being in The Source Family like doing the 'star exercise' or adhering to a vegetarian diet, but in a kind of collective amnesia the majority of us tried to forget about many of the things that Jim Baker imposed on us/his loyal followers hoping to leave it all in the past. But, there are still a few who only want to present an idealized picture of what life was like in The Source Family, and who are now denying that many things went on, in their need to maintain an illusion that The Source Family was ahead of its time and representative of a new age, or that our leader was an avatar or the messiah.
"For the cult leader, his ability to induce total dependence in followers serves to sustain and enhance a desperately needed delusion of perfect, omnipotent control. " Yep, that about sums it up.
http://integral-options.blogspot.com/2014/05/daniel-shaw-traumatic-abuse-in-cults.html
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