The Box

I read a Vice article today where a woman who survived Jonestown recounted some of her memories and experiences.  One of her statements really jumped out at me when she referred to what was called 'the box', which was a 6 x 4 x 3 plywood box where adults considered to have disciplinary problems were placed.  Followers of Jim Jones also called him Father, the same as Source Family members called Jim Baker.  Similarly, a plywood box was also used in The Source Family as a disciplinary measure, but children were put into that box, not adults.  A few of the women who had small children, while in The Source Family have expressed to me how upsetting the box was to have their child placed in it and how that was something they thought was wrong.  But, again as I've written about many times---that's what happens in a cult:  people surrender and go against their own moral feelings and beliefs to obediently follow and obey their cult leader's, who is perceived to be spiritually superior.  Putting children who were acting out into a plywood box, in order to get them to behave was either Jim Baker's idea, or perhaps one of the women whom he appointed to the council.  The council, as it was called consisted of several of the women, whom Jim Baker had decided to sexually penetrate and then claimed to be one of his women----a position that gave some women a sense of power and control within the social order of the group.  So, it was decided that children who exhibited behavioral problems such as not doing as they were told or who exhibited excessive crying were placed in the box, until they calmed down and became compliant and apologetic for their behavior, because Jim Baker believed that children were like little animals.  I have stated before that I didn't like that damn box and thought it was a cruel and scary form of behavior control to use on children, but my son was only an infant when the box was utilized both at The Father House in LA and again at the Hilo Country Club on the Big Island.  In the hot, humid conditions of Hawaii; I do not think it would have been very comfortable being placed into a plywood box.

But, that's the kind of thing that diehard followers of Father Yod/Yahowha choose to omit from their idealized fairy tale narrative saying how wonderful and ideal life was within The Source Family, and how 'ahead of its time' and Aquarian the lifestyle was.....hardly.  Placing small children into a plywood box as a disciplinary measure is hardly 'ahead of its time' or Aquarian, and yet it's one of the things that went on in The Source Family that some want to keep hidden from view and kept secret, or at best have some kind of spiritual meaning or purpose attached to the many unhealthy and detrimental things that took place within The Source Family, under the direction and complete control of our spiritual leader, Jim Baker.

My recent post comparing Jim Baker's predatory sexual behavior towards the women in The Source Family to that of Harvey Weinstein really caused an uproar among a few of Father Yod/Yahowha's most entrenched devotees.  I was accused by one former male member for betraying a vow that he claims everyone took in The Source Family not to divulge Jim Baker's deviant sexual ritual called kadosh that he imposed on the entire group.  I never took any vow of silence to never speak about kadosh, but that is the lame argument that a few diehards are using, in defense of one of Jim Baker's most disturbing teachings in a desperate attempt to try and silence, shame or intimidate other former family members from speaking out.  Any former member who falsely claims that "we all took a vow of silence" never to reveal the practice of kadosh are terrified that their friends or family members will find out what was really going on within The Source Family and that it wasn't the cool, rock and roll New Age utopian ideal that has been presented to the public.  Using a quote that I just saw on a website where a husband and follower of Yogi Bhajan wrote about how his wife had to endure years of sexual demands and abuse at the hands of one of Bhajan's teachers which reads: "I'd rather be hated for telling the truth, than loved for telling a lie"----that's exactly how I feel about exposing kadosh and the truth about many other things that went on within The Source Family that some would rather be kept buried and hidden in the past.

Hide, deny or obfuscate---those are the ploys that a small handful of diehard Father Yod/Yahowha followers are using, because admitting the truth and accepting the fact that those of us who found ourselves in The Source Family cult for years willingly participated in what now the majority of former members realize was textbook cult behavior is just too much for some to bear and creates cognitive dissonance in those who want to cling to their delusional belief that Jim Baker was spiritually superior or an enlightened New Age avatar which includes themselves---a delusional belief they've clung to for the past forty years.  As I've stated before, most people would never want to admit they were in a cult, much less that the cult leader imposed a sexual ritual on all of his followers or allowed babies to die without medical treatment of any kind.  Honestly, I get it---who would want to admit to being part of something that became harmful and deleterious to the health, well-being and safety of babies, small children and women who were the ones that suffered the most under the so-called teachings and directives of Jim Baker.  But, hiding or denying the truth doesn't help the victims of abuse, no matter how long ago it happened.

I wanted to end this blog post by including a link to an article referencing Bounded Choice.  Especially for any former Source Family members who are reading this and who are continuing to try and make sense/understand why they stayed/remained in The Source Family for as long as they did, even after realizing that much of what Jim Baker was teaching and extolling was either unhealthy or detrimental to the health and well-being of themselves and their children---I strongly encourage them to read Bounded Choice: True Believers and Charismatic Cults by Dr. Janja Lalich which explains why people find it difficult to leave a cult, after adopting what's described as, "the transcendent belief system" or ideology of the cult leader, because it will provide answers to why so many of us remained in The Source Family for as long as we did.

https://www.jenkiaba.com/lessons-on-leaving/illusion-choice

Escaping The Downward Spiral

One thing that Jim Baker seemed to be good at was leaving or escaping situations that he no longer wanted to be in, like his escape from his wife and children early on....his escape from being married to just one woman, and I guess that you could say his escape from any moral or ethical rules of society when he created his own little fiefdom where he was the supreme ruler.  Yet, once he had created his fiefdom and called it The Source Family; he would also escape from that whenever things became too stressful for him, or if he became too restless within the confines of his little 'family' and wanted to travel abroad seeking the recognition as a 'great spiritual teacher' that he so eagerly sought and had expected to find in India where he believed that he would be easily recognizable as a great 'holy man'.  So, when things became too much for him on Kauai; Jim Baker split with a small entourage of essential women and a couple of chosen sons, who would take care of everything along the way, because having people attend to him and wait on him who virtually revered him as being their divine 'earthly spiritual father' was something that Jim Baker had become accustomed to and enjoyed immensely.  I mean, who wouldn't enjoy being the constant center of attention and even seen as God incarnate by some people!

The photo below taken on Kauai conveys a lot about what it was like in The Source Family where our spiritual leader Father Yod would hold court in his often loud and bombastic way either imparting his brand of fiery New Age beliefs or chastising someone whom he felt was threatening his family like local public officials or anyone who was against having a cult move in next door to them.  The day this photo was taken was when Father Yod had extended an invitation for local Kauai citizens to an open house at the compound where we were all living, in order to show them just how benign and harmless we were; which is why the scene is staged with Father Yod set up with a microphone (I guess he was expecting a huge crowd and wanted to make sure the people in the back could hear him).  But it's the somber and pensive expressions on most everyone's face which tells the story more than anything.  I was standing at the very back that day; my own face turned downward finding it more and more difficult to look at or listen to Jim Baker as he spouted off like he incessantly did, but like many who had remained in The Source Family for years; I felt trapped and fearful of what might happen, if I were to leave the family, because Jim Baker would continually warn of the dangers of leaving....even death or insanity and so like many others who have found themselves trapped in a cult unable to extricate themselves.....remained and endured whatever situation their cult leader lead them into.

Jim Baker's delivery of his 'teachings' became more and more bombastic and was something that he did every single day either during morning class or throughout the course of each day where anyone who remained in The Source Family was expected to stand around, or sit at his feet, or follow him around attentively listening to him preach or 'teach'......whatever you chose to call it.  Everyone who joined The Source Family was expected to display the same adoring and loving reverence for our leader, Jim Baker, because we were his 'little kitties/kiddies' and he had given us everything, and nothing but the utmost respect and elevated reverence was to be shown to our most valued and venerated leader.  An atmosphere of utter and complete devotion to our 'earthly spiritual father' was expected at all times and so he could never be wrong or mistaken about anything.....how could he when it was believed that Father Yod had become the voice of God.  So, Father Yod was preparing to put on a good show for any locals on Kauai who might show up....he was ready to 'blow their minds' with his profound wisdom and then perhaps they would see him for the great Godman that he believed he had become.

But over time the constant and expected reverential behavior and attitude towards Jim Baker's fire-and-brimstone way of conveying his 'teachings' became more and more contrived; especially whenever there were people present who were non-family members where Jim Baker would really put on a show.  The members of Jim Baker's cult of personality labeled The Source Family had followed him to Kauai to live on acreage with one main house where he and 'his women' lived more comfortably than everyone else, who were scattered around in the other structures.  Life in The Source Family had disintegrated into living isolated and cut-off in a compound on Kauai, after living in relative prosperity back in Los Angeles where we all lived off the proceeds from The Source Restaurant.  But now, many of us had begun to question what we were all doing there continuing to follow, obey and worship this former Los Angeles restaurateur turned holy man who had convinced us that he was our 'spiritual father' and how we were leaders of the New Age, when we barely had enough food to eat on a daily basis, and were having to live with the stress and fear of some kind of violent retaliation from the Kauai locals where Jim Baker began talking about being prepared to kill anyone who tried to harm his family, and where the nursing mothers were forced to apply for birth certificates all using the last name of Aquarian, in order to receive welfare payments from the state of Hawaii for their babies who were born while in the family none of whom had birth certificates----those welfare payments becoming one of the main sources of income for the remaining family members on Kauai. 

So, it was no surprise when Jim Baker decided to take off for India where an exorbitant amount of money was spent on airfares, hotels and clothing, hats and accoutrements for himself and his small, chosen entourage, while the rest of the family remained behind on Kauai where myself and the other women with infants were forced to apply for welfare to support the remaining family members, until we were evicted from the island completely.  But, Jim Baker escaped the conditions on Kauai under the guise of searching for a new home in Nepal (of all places) to have a fun and exciting overseas adventure with his small entourage of women and token sons to eat at fine restaurants and stay in nice hotels, while everyone else left behind struggled under the growing insufferable conditions on Kauai.  But, none of Jim Baker's decisions or actions were ever questioned by anyone within the family, because all of his actions and behaviors were elevated, excused and explained away and always had a magical spiritual significance attached to every single thing that he did or said, and where nothing less than elevated and worshipful dedication and devotion to our 'earthly spiritual father' was to ever be displayed.  Welcome to Cult 101 Groupthink where the cult leader's whims and desires are always fulfilled.

Most of us just wanted to escape the worsening conditions on Kauai, and yet felt helpless and incapable of leaving out of fear of what might happen, if we were to leave the group, because our spiritual leader and ersatz father figure repeatedly warned of the dangers of leaving the family, and so many of us remained out of fear enduring and suffering through the worsening conditions, while 'Father Yod' jumped ship and went overseas.  The account in the one former member's hyperbolic book about The Source Family states, "They (meaning Jim Baker & his entourage) left Egypt and went to Athens, Copenhagen, Denmark, Germany, England, and Canada, then on to the Pacific Northwest, and finally to San Francisco, where the Family waited for them at the airport" making it all sound like such a happy and joyous reunion welcoming back 'Yahowha' from his European vacation, while the rest of the family members had been left behind to struggle under the desperate and deteriorating situation on Kauai.  Jim Baker's excuse for his escape from Kauai was to search for better digs for the entire family, but in reality what he was really doing was just extricating himself from the worsening conditions, and as always was seeking to satisfy his own grandiose delusion of being a holy man looking for validation and recognition wherever he went.  Jim Baker's self-obsessed messianic complex and his subsequent behavior became apparent to anyone who wasn't blinded by a devotional worship for the man.  But, that's what cult leaders and gurus usually do---emboldened by their own grandiose self-image of themselves being great spiritual teachers or leaders; they afford themselves travel, luxuries and niceties, while their loyal subjects toil and wait in a holding pattern, until their leader returns to sit at his feet and worship him once again.  But, as in most cults, the cult leader's desires were always to be indulged, like the time in San Francisco where our 'earthly spiritual father' went out to eat and ordered steak tartare (which is made from finely chopped or minced raw beef or horsemeat), when his teachings had explicitly been founded on being a vegetarian!  But, that's what it's like being in a cult where the followers are expected to adhere to the words & teaching' of their master or guru, but the same rules of conduct do not apply to the cult leader. 

After Jim Baker returned from his overseas escape/vaca and reunited with the rest of the family in San Francisco, the entire group lived like a bunch of homeless people wandering around the Bay Area looking for a place to call home which ended up being an old, dilapidated mansion in San Francisco where Father Yod would spend his days performing 'sex magick' with his women in his upstairs meditation tower, while the rest of the family members continued to struggle to bring in much needed income, in order to indulge and support Father Yod and the rest of the family members, while trying to follow and adhere to his aquarian teachings, even though he had just squandered thousands of dollars escaping to Europe and India to indulge his own spiritual ego.  The situation continued to spiral downwards when the family was relocated back to Hawaii....this time to the Big Island moving into what was called The Doc Hill mansion where conditions continued to become dire and desperate where there was barely enough food and some nursing mothers began to show the effects of malnutrition.  Again, Jim Baker escaped the conditions at Doc Hill with his entourage of chosen women and sons to Oahu where he took up residency in a lovely home overlooking the ocean in the bedroom community of Lanikai where he would perform his final escape when he decided to fly off a cliff one day to test God leaving behind the babies he'd sired, and the gaggle of women that he'd accumulated around himself.

On this day, Jim Baker had invited the local community of Kauai for a concert and to hear him speak; hoping to win over the locals, but nobody showed up that day.  But, that didn't stop Father Yod from delivering one of his fiery speeches about an approaching Armageddon.  I circled myself standing at the very back holding my infant son, because I always hung back at these kinds of spectacles having already become extremely disillusioned with Jim Baker, so I moved to the periphery of the group just trying to take care of my infant son, hang on and survive what life in The Source Family had become:  a platform to indulge and feed Jim Baker's messianic complex and his desire and need to gather more and more followers, along with constantly having to indulge all of his whims and desires like taking off for Europe and India on a whirlwind trip while the rest of his followers stayed behind suffering and enduring the worsening conditions and the outside pressure from locals to leave Kauai.  So, the scene pictured above was part of everyday life within The Source Family, because that's what gurus and spiritual teachers do---they sit around all day doling out supposed enlightenment and wisdom while their adoring and grateful followers sit at their avatar's feet soaking up their every word.....that and constantly attending and waiting on their master or avatar in every capacity whether sexually satisfying them or whatever else is required at their avatar's behest. 

Music Recollections By Octavius

All of the songs that were ever recorded, during the Source Family had one thing in common, and that was they all had the same drummer---Octavius performed on every one.  Although, Octavius wasn't just the drummer; he was also a producer and engineer.  I recently asked Chris Johnson (aka Octavius), if he would write something about the music from The Source Family to post on my blog and here is what he wrote:

Hello, I'm Octavius Aquarian. 

I would like to share some memories of being the drummer for The Source Family music journey presenting highlights of the evolution of the music and the phases of its development. I will avoid the emotional interactions of the many people involved. I have been known to be sarcastic and opinionated, so please bear with me and I will try to lay out the meandering journey of music, minds, and melodies.  Because of the things that ego’s madmen, and visionaries bring to our lives....some names and places have been left out, to protect the not-so-innocent from getting their togas and drawstring pants in a bunch.

I walked away from a job in Vegas playing for good money, room and board---to the Source Restaurant for no money or room, but I was never bored.

I walked away from the drums when I joined The Brotherhood of The Source. No one knew that I played drums, but sooner than later it was found out that I was a musician.

There was of course as in any group of people, hidden talents never before realized.

There was a member who was a very talented singer/songwriter named Lotus.  I would play bongos with her (laughing), because I no longer had a drum kit.

There was another member who was also a singer/songwriter at that time named Aladdin, who was a gifted musician.

There was a member who was a bass player of some repute in Hollywood in those days who was hiding out being a talented jeweler in the group. 

There was a member who played keyboard and his name was Magus.

Another songwriter joined, as well who had previously been writing jingles and such; he also wrote some wonderful songs. 

The group had enough talent to hobble together a musical distraction.

Artist and thinkers are the troublemakers. It's not only smart, but necessary to have these kinds of people busy doing things that keep them occupied----lest they start asking questions.  At least that is what music does to me, and it was all I was in those days....all I thought about.  It was my persona---that Jesus was a drummer kind of thing.

That is when the leader says to me, "I have a drummer, I have a band.”

I thought, Oh yay or was that Oy vey!

Well the floodgates were opened. Our spiritual sugar daddy/producer/leader told me to get instruments and outfit a band.  Can you say 'gift horse'?  Guitar Center here we come in our robes and long hair waving cash around, so as to be taken seriously.

All the people who could do anything showed up for an audition at some point or another.  It surprises me how evaluating ourselves can sometimes be so skewed.  As I remember, it was nerve-racking at times a bit like the Gong Show.  I was designated to be the executioner of musical egos.  After purchasing recording equipment, building a studio area and sound booth; we recorded our first album.

Aladdin was never part of the wannabe crowd.

Most all the songwriters and singers made up our 1st musical level.

From there we focused on the individuals who had more than one song. 

Arranging and making them band-worthy.  We were having a good time playing the rehearsed music.

So much so, we even managed a gig at the Whiskey a Go Go on Sunset. It was The Tubes night off.  It was the only gig we had.

As I recall, there were 13 people in the band named "Spirit of Seventy Six” - the 2nd musical effort.

It was during rehearsal days, when the leader of our group started to hang out in the band room.

He did not have a singing voice.

He did not play an instrument.

He wasn’t going to take no for an answer.

He bought a timpani drum to play along!!!!!!

We didn’t have any material that called for timpani drum.

So, he would start playing by himself and we could join in!!

It was less difficult for me at the beginning....both being percussion.

Unfortunately, he didn’t have timing either.

Everyone faked (whatever) the best they could. 

Since the guitar player had never really played electric, he made strange sounds with it like squealing and scratching with wha-wha and echo through a B3 cabinet twirling horns vibrato.

He fit right in.

We just kept playing hoping it would end without a scene of freak out or storming off.

That's when our leader said how fantastic that it was.

We had just had our first taste of YaHoWa 13 spontaneous music - the 3rd musical effort.

This is what we presented as our contribution to the music palate of Hollywood in the 70’s.

This spontaneity continued till in the end we had a band member change up.

I observed that the guitar and the sounds made were pushing to dominate and control with no way out.

I went to the leader and said, "Either he goes or I go." 

The next day we switched things up and played some music with Arelich (Sky Saxon) and Fire Water Air - the 4th musical effort.

With a different guitar player. Those were in the last days of YHV13 in Hollywood.

We made many albums. Others even took the music and redistributed it.  There was even a book about the family, and a music tour for a couple of years 2012-ish, and a documentary movie.  The spontaneous music is what we were known for.

There was also a star in the beginning that continued doing what he always did....sing and play his music, but Aladdin now had a new name Hom (pronounced home).  When YHV13 was not making a splash anymore, Hom's music came to the front.

We put together a band called BREATH and made some great music - the 5th musical effort.

We presented a demo to A&M records. They liked it. They wanted to give us a contract.

As things go, we were not to take their offer. In retrospect, its obvious our leader was selling the family package not the music.

If the musicians were to sign, they would leave the community. Then what would the group do without their music and their band.

Breath did a few gigs in the last days. We opened for Bread at the Hawaiian International Convention Center, and the Crater Festival in 1976 on New Year's Day in Honolulu Hawaii.

Breath was the most commercial, and relatable music the Source Family ever made.

Short and sweet.

Well, thanks. 

Making sure the stories remain true.

Octavius

Chris Johnson

Subjugation By A Narcisstic Cult Leader

Unconsciously, Jim Baker ended up subjugating every man, woman and child who joined his cult family by admonishing and entreating everyone to follow his words or rather his commandments.  But, like countless other so-called spiritual leaders of cults, Jim Baker believed that gathering followers around him was what God wanted him to do, and that whatever he said or did or entreated his loyal followers to do was being condoned by a higher power.

I doubt that many gurus and cult leaders have malicious intent when they initially start forming and creating their own little quasi-religious following, but invariably when someone is elevated to the position of being a great avatar espousing the 'word of God' and imploring people to follow and obey them---to be swathed in that man's immense love for them; I believe that with omnipotent control and influence over other people's lives is where so many gurus went wrong.  It is always the people who willingly decide to believe in and follow a guru who end up suffering at the hands and commands of the cult leader; especially someone like Jim Baker----a fatherly figure expressing love, care and concern to all who willingly wanted to join him to follow and obey his commands.

I understand how people have to take responsibility for their own actions and choices in life, and yet the gurus and spiritual leaders who become enthralled by their own power and who become convinced they are 'the voice of God' who then begin to gather people around them exerting absolute control in the lives of their followers and making all of their follower's decisions like what everyone should eat, wear and believe---then I believe that cult leader has to take responsibility for any and all misguided, dangerous and detrimental practices that he decides to impose.

The inflated spiritual ego impressed by his or her own great spiritual achievements begin to believe that everything they do is for the greater good of mankind, and no matter how deviant, debauched or debased their beliefs or behaviors may become; the majority of cult leaders remain confident that all of their actions are condoned by a higher power and therefore, should not be questioned or second-guessed by any of their followers, but rather their followers should be ever so thankful and grateful just to be in their cult leader's presence.  That kind of intensified and magnified glorification and idealization of Jim Baker is what happened very early on in The Brotherhood of The Source, as more and more people came to The Source Restaurant wanting to join the group who initially wore only all white clothing, because Jim Baker, the man who owned the restaurant believed that white was the highest vibration, and so encouraged by his new wife/bride, Robin Baker; Jim Baker decided that he should gather or get his own children (as he is heard saying in the film) to become a spiritual father/leader just like his spiritual guru, Yogi Bhajan had done.

But, the ego of a man or woman usually goes askew when they become thoroughly impressed and enthralled in the belief of their own spiritual attainment, and sadly it's the gullible and hapless yet earnest believers who end up suffering at the hands, whims and desires of the cult leader---people who no matter how much enthusiasm or idealism they may initially have about the decision to follow one man or guru, eventually begin to suffer and feel the negative results by having to live up to and abide by and fulfill the whims and desires of the inflated spiritual ego of their leader---a person who convinced his followers that he wanted to create a new race of enlightened, Aquarian children, and that he needed to have sex with and impregnate the women in the group in order to do that, because after all it was what God wanted him to do.  That is exactly what happened with Jim Baker, and yet there are still those who cling to the notion that Jim Baker was a great visionary in possession of ancient knowledge and wisdom surpassing all other teachers and gurus around----people who still refuse to even accept the fact they were in a cult and that cult was The Source Family.  An aggrandized spiritual ego tends to hide behind a mask of doing God's work believing that all of their actions and decisions are justified and only for the benefit of mankind. 

Joining The Source Family meant that you were entirely expected to adopt and adhere to Jim Baker's teachings especially his commandments, and anything less was seen as being inferior in some way and not as enlightened or Aquarian among his more fervent and zealous followers.  Everyone in The Source Family was expected to live by and obey Father Yod's words and teachings in an obedient, unquestioning and childlike way.

In the 2012 film about The Source Family, you hear Jim Baker say the following to the family members surrounding him, "Do you see how I absolutely need you?  And how you absolutely need me?  What would I do without you?  Do you know where I'd be?  In the looney bin."  That statement was followed by laughter, and yet it was true, because Father Yod had created a dependent situation among his followers---a situation where many became desolate when he died, because their entire lives had revolved around the man.  In that statement by Jim Baker, he confirmed that he relied on the constant praise and unwavering devoted and attention of the worshipful meiny surrounding him, many who had been following and obeying his every command for years.  The following quote from Daniel Shaw's book titled Traumatic Narcissism: Relational Systems of Subjugation summed up Jim Baker's control perfectly, "Cult leaders succeed in dominating their followers because they have mastered the cruel art of exploiting universal human dependency and attachment needs in others. The lengthy period of dependency in human development, the power that parents have, as God-like figures, to literally give life and sustain the lives of their children, leaves each human being with the memory, however distant or unconscious, of total dependency. Cult leaders tap into and re-activate this piece of the human psyche. Followers are encouraged to become regressed and infantilized, to believe that their life depends on pleasing the cult leader. Cult leaders depend on their ability to attract people, often at critically vulnerable points in their lives, who are confused, hungry, dissatisfied, searching. With such people, cult leaders typically find numerous ways to undermine their followers’ independence and their capacity to think critically."  That summarization perfectly defines the childlike/infantile dependence that a majority of Source Family members displayed throughout the existence of the cult.  I have stated before how Source Family members would ask Jim Baker's advice/direction and guidance on absolutely everything in their lives where his tenets and decisions were to be quickly adopted and acted upon, and anything else was frowned upon and seen as being lesser for not following Father Yod's letter of the law.  Anyone who detoured from the prescribed behaviors as determined by Father Yod were looked down upon as being spiritually inferior by those in The Source Family who considered themselves more enlightened among his sons and daughters----an imperious and often condescending spiritual arrogance was exhibited by many in The Source Family who believed what Jim Baker was telling them---that they were chosen and forerunners of the new age and children of the sixth root race creating an elitist, smug attitude among the more zealous and devoted of Father Yod's followers.

From what began for many of us as something new, novel and exciting wearing all-white clothing trying to adopt a New Age spiritual lifestyle sitting around an older, bearded man who professed being, "the father that we all wished we'd had", became an exhaustive and beleaguered existence in having to listen to Jim Baker/Father Yod/Yahowha incessantly in his bombastic way espouse his wisdom on a 24/7 basis, to where everyone was constantly and exhaustively expected to live up to his expectations and to please him, but most of all to maintain and feign the appearance of absolute commitment and loyalty to any and everything that Father Yod or his council of women wanted or imposed on the rest of us.  So, life in The Source Family became an intolerable and unendurable situation where the circumstances of the entire group had become insufferable and unsustainable, and yet a few diehard and devoted followers of Jim Baker are still hell-bent on pretending it was all some kind of wonderland.

Here are other excerpts by Daniel Shaw from Traumatic Abuse in Cults - "In fact, the cult leader does not escape dependency. Instead, he (and also, in many cases, she) comes to depend on his followers to worship and adore him, to reflect his narcissistic delusion of perfection to him as does the mirror to the Evil Queen in the tale of Snow White. One of the ways in which this perversion of dependency is often enacted can be observed when the cult leader claims that because he needs nothing, he is entitled to everything. Thus, cult leaders claiming to be pure and perfect, without any need or attachment, use manic defenses to rationalize and justify their dependence on extravagant and grandiose trappings such as thrones, fleets of Rolls Royces, and the trust funds of their wealthy followers."  Although the income from the very successful Source Restaurant provided support for everyone who showed up and wanted to become a follower of Jim Baker, those resources became strained from supporting so many people, and from the indulgent expenditures into either his travels to India or the huge investment in musical instruments and recording equipment to facilitate and indulge Jim Baker's rock star fantasy within the cult; even though only a handful of people benefitted from the flush of cash that went into producing the albums that were made in The Source Family.  The strain on the income from the restaurant to support the entire cult compelled Jim Baker to covet and pursue people with personal wealth or celebritydom, because acquiring more and more followers became a major focus of Jim Baker's.

"Ultimately, followers act on the belief that only the leader’s thoughts and feelings matter and have validity, and the follower must exist only to serve the leader’s aims. The follower actively seeks to negate any aspect of his own subjectivity which the leader might disapprove of. To most outside observers, the leader’s aims are clearly nothing more than self-aggrandizement. Insiders, however, in spite of little or no evidence on which to base their assertions, cling stubbornly to the belief that the leader is actually pursuing lofty and noble aims. Asked to do anything to enrich the leader, including, in the case of some notorious groups, prostituting themselves, followers obey and find a way to believe that whatever they do is righteous. By remaining loyal to the leader, the followers persuade themselves that their own existence is given meaning and validity by their support of the leader’s mission."  This is chilling and a very accurate description of exactly what happened in The Source Family.

"The follower’s rewards, which are recognition from the leader and the ensuing prestige the followers gain within their group, are bestowed and rescinded at the leader’s whim, keeping the follower in a state of instability and fear about displeasing the leader and thereby losing status and favor.
One of the reasons many of the people who leave cultic groups choose not to identify their own experience as abusive is because to do so would mean acknowledging an extraordinary degree of grief over the loss of a deeply cherished, idealized attachment connected to their most cherished hopes about themselves and about life, along with the unleashing of an extraordinary degree of shame about their own self-deception and gullibility, and shame and rage about the amount of abuse they were willing to endure for the sake of maintaining their tie to the leader. Eventually, the realization that their devotion and labor within in the group led to no real personal growth, and to no significant contribution to society, will also become a source of deep shame and regret."  Another very accurate explanation/description of what it was like in The Source Family, and how many felt after the whole thing finally ended.  Many of us tried to salvage something positive from the experience of being in The Source Family like doing the 'star exercise' or adhering to a vegetarian diet, but in a kind of collective amnesia the majority of us tried to forget about many of the things that Jim Baker imposed on us/his loyal followers hoping to leave it all in the past.  But, there are still a few who only want to present an idealized picture of what life was like in The Source Family, and who are now denying that many things went on, in their need to maintain an illusion that The Source Family was ahead of its time and representative of a new age, or that our leader was an avatar or the messiah.

"For the cult leader, his ability to induce total dependence in followers serves to sustain and enhance a desperately needed delusion of perfect, omnipotent control. " Yep, that about sums it up.
http://integral-options.blogspot.com/2014/05/daniel-shaw-traumatic-abuse-in-cults.html

Spiritual Bypassing At Its Finest

Although the term spiritual bypassing was not coined until 1984, it is a term that probably describes/sums up the entire Source Family experience better than anything else that I've found.  After intimately living with everyone who comprised the core members of The Source Family for six years, along with having continued interaction and involvement with many beyond The Source Family days; I can safely say that many have varying degrees of emotional or psychological issues in one way or another.  

Although sadly many who were in The Source Family came away from the experience more traumatized or damaged than when they first joined.  A perfect example were the women who lost their babies while in The Source Family, after adhering to Father Yod's edict of family members not using modern medicine, medical treatment or doctors of any kind.  It is my belief that a couple of those women never fully recovered from the trauma of losing their babies while in The Source Family.  But, one of the worst results of spiritual bypassing was found among a few of the men where they found fertile ground in The Source Family to view and treat women as being less than equal to them on a spiritual level, along with giving them the green light to go ahead and freely exploit women sexually, because Jim Baker drummed it into the men----his 'sons' that they were gods and deserving of being worshipped and waited on and pampered just like him.  

Jim Baker didn't feel that women needed to contemplate 'spirit' or even participate in any kind of spiritual exercises, because their lives were about keeping the 'earth trip' of men together which entailed cleaning, preparing meals, serving, childcare and of course, sexual servicing.  Jim Baker did not see women as being equal to the men, when it came to achieving illumination, thus cultivating and encouraging male-gender bias behind a smokescreen or façade of being 'the aquarian way.'  Men who had unresolved emotional issues with women, found the social order created by Jim Baker within The Source Family helped them to bypass any much needed psychological work they needed to do on themselves: particularly their deep seated hatred or bias towards women and the servile role of women within The Source Family that was put into place by Jim Baker enabled any abusers of women to flourish.  

Because Father Yod believed that men were like the sun----all powerful and life-sustaining and that women were emotional and lacking the emotional stability to withstand the vicissitudes of life, and therefore needed to serve a 'son of Yod' in order to thrive.  Jim Baker expected total submission and contrition from women towards the men or 'sons' where quite often he would direct/place women to be with and serve certain 'sons'.  One man flush with the idea and power of himself being a god became a bully and because of his intransigent devotion and love for his newfound spiritual leader used bullying and intimidation tactics, and continues to this day to try and bully and intimidate anyone who speaks out against his spiritual father, Yahowha; especially any of the women, whom the guy also blames for the failure of The Source Family and even worse as being abusers of the children often using the worst kind of labels to describe the women who were in The Source Family.   I was willing to 'let sleeping dogs lie' and would have left this guy alone, had he done the same and left me alone to write about/express what it felt like to be a woman in The Source Family and just how awful it was being forced to perform a sexual ritual with men whom you barely knew----which is something that I feel needs to be told.  Instead, this devoted and entrenched follower of Yahowha decided that he couldn't allow that.  Denial now seems to be the only option left for the small handful of devoted followers of Yahowha who desperately want to silence anyone who speaks out against the ongoing promotion and perpetuation of The Source Family, especially a couple of former male members who when pressed quickly reveal their abusive and aggressive natures, because they've never dealt with their own emotional issues about women.  

A couple of former Source Family members who claim to have attained spiritual enlightenment and in possession of ancient knowledge and truths are presenting themselves as being representatives of the entire defunct collective of The Source Family in order to pass if off as being ahead of its time-----which is the perfect ruse or cover for hiding their own deep-seated, underlying psychological problems in an epic display of spiritual bypassing.  Even in the wake of damaged relationships and claims of abuse and misappropriation of personal items, photographs, videos and music, the former Source Family members who continue to maintain they are spiritually awakened and in possession of immense love and compassion professing love to all claiming to possess secret teachings and wisdom while using New Age saccharine platitudes are lying and deceiving themselves and others.  The Source Family produced a good many of those kinds of egos----those who operate from a place of spiritual superiority/hiding behind a mask or façade of them possessing wisdom and love for all when just below the surface are the worst kinds of behavior and pathological lying that just keeps getting worse and worse as these people ignore and deny their emotional and psychological problems.  

It was much easier to adopt Jim Baker as a surrogate father surrendering and handing over your personal power to him obediently following his edicts and doing whatever he instructed them to do in a childlike way.  But, that kind of spiritual bypassing has had negative consequences in some former member's lives.  In the sixties and seventies, many of us baby boomers were trying to self-medicate and/or heal ourselves by using either drugs or meditation to help resolve our own emotional and psychological issues (most of the time not even aware that's what we were doing) believing at the time that strict adherence to some kind of spiritual doctrine or belief system and surrendering our lives and our personal power over to our chosen guru or spiritual teacher/leader; we would gain freedom or liberation from any underlying issues or problems through that spiritual practice, but that was not what happened.  

People who join cults even unwittingly who become convinced the leader of their cult has the ability to heal and transfer enlightenment to them usually end up disillusioned and victims of emotional abuse, because the cult leader or guru use their perceived power to take advantage of their followers most often taking sexual advantage of the women around them.  Unfortunately, many people who got into a pursuit of spiritual enlightenment have foregone ever doing any self-analysis or psychological/emotional work on themselves.  As I've stated before, the entire New Age consciousness expansion that's been going on since the late sixties is fraught with people who have never dealt with their own unresolved emotional or psychological problems, and yet they are sure they can fix everyone else, if you just listen to them and follow their lead which in the case of The Source Family meant adopting Father Yod/Yahowha as your spiritual father along with hiding behind an aquarian persona while denying that anything dark or disturbing, unhealthy or detrimental went on in The Source Family.  Because denial is the only option left for the most rabid and ardent followers and devotees of Yahowha----people who condemn anyone who doesn't speak lovingly or ideally about Jim Baker or their experience being in The Source Family.  

One such staunch follower and epic spiritual bypasser recently stated that anyone who doesn't come from a place of love and kindness towards the ongoing promotion of Jim Baker must surely have gone insane and that it was something that Jim Baker predicted would happen.  Oh yes, how convenient to say that Jim Baker prophesied that anyone who was in The Source Family who does not go along with the continued promotion of The Source Family or does not come from a place of loving kindness (no matter how phony or contrived) cannot 'handle the energies bombarding the planet' are therefore deemed as having gone insane.  Wow.  That is the kind of delusional, rambling spiritual BS that is being spread around, in order to diminish or discredit any former member of The Source Family who doesn't agree with the continued promotion of Father Yod and The Source Family which was essentially a hippie cult from the seventies that failed miserably because its leader wanted to have sex with as many young women as he possibly could using spiritual bypassing to avoid facing the fact that the guy had a serious womanizing problem.  A man who was continually sleeping around and could not maintain a monogamous relationship or marriage with one woman where his philandering resulted in the death of one man.  A man who bragged about how he robbed banks in order to bankroll The Source Restaurant where in a short amount of time he set himself up as a spiritual father where any beautiful, young woman who joined his family would be vulnerable and fair game in his sexual escapades veiled behind a preponderance of spiritual teachings and claiming himself to be their 'earthly spiritual father'. Some of the most devoted male followers of Jim Baker idolize and revere him for exactly that kind of behavior.  Men who display the same aggressive, male-dominate behavior as displayed by their spiritual teacher and leader, Father Yod/Yahowha.  

The Source Family was the perfect setting for encouraging male domination and female submission.  Jim Baker created an unbalanced and unhealthy social order where women were expected to serve the men most of all to sexually service them, whether or not the women barely knew the men that Father Yod directed them to serve.  Male domination under the pretense of being a spiritual lifestyle.  So, I will not be silent or intimidated or bullied by any ardent followers of Jim Baker.  Anyone who loudly claims they are doing the work of Father Yod/Yahowha and have set themselves up as being spiritual surrogates of the man, and who are intent on gathering their own followers are the greatest examples of spiritual bypassing. 

Which is why I discourage anyone from listening to or following any former Source Family members who are presenting themselves as being representatives/surrogate leaders of Father Yod in order to present The Source Family as spearheading or leading the entire New Age movement in this country when these individuals hide behind their Source Family personas and façades as being loving and full of spiritual wisdom and truths when these same individuals have never dealt with their own psychological and emotional problems.  

In my opinion, Jim Baker was a man who spiritually bypassed his own bleak treatment and abandonment of the women and children in his own life to create a new surrogate family of devoted followers who would never question his motives or his behavior, but only worship and idolize him.  Where he could persuade his group of followers to adopt and follow his hodgepodge jumbled virtual pick and choose of Hinduism, occultism, esotericism and theology thrown in with the obsessive pursuit of raising your kundalini which helped him successfully ignore/avoid/elude having to deal with his own psychological and emotional problems.  Welcome to the New Age!  You too, can use spiritual bypassing to ensure that you'll never have to face or deal with any dark, disturbing underlying emotional or psychological problems in a fix one/fix all recipe concocted in varying forms by every guru/cult leader to gather their own following.  That was the reality of The Source Family and that is what some diehard followers of Father Yod simply cannot come to grips with; which is why some continue using their pseudo Source Family names, because it helps them to continue in their own spiritual bypassing completely avoiding ever having to deal with their own personal stuff.

The following are a couple of quotes by John Welwood:

---Being a good spiritual practitioner can become what I call a compensatory identity that covers up and defends against an underlying deficient identity, where we feel badly about ourselves,  not good enough, or basically lacking. Then, although we may be practicing diligently, our spiritual practice can be used in the service of denial and defense. And when spiritual practice is used to bypass our real-life human issues, it becomes compartmentalized in a separate zone of our life, and remains unintegrated with our overall functioning

---Others may unconsciously use their spiritual brilliance to feed their narcissistic inflation and devalue others or treat them in manipulative ways.

Here is an article about spiritual bypassing https://themindfool.com/spiritual-bypassing/.

My Own Moral Outrage

Today I read an article in Harper's titled The Ideology of Isolation where I read the following statement that I felt perfectly described Jim Baker's own attitude and belief towards the women in The Source Family cult; "The loner taketh not, nor does he give; he scorneth the social and relies on himself alone. Himself. Women, in this mode of thinking, are too interactive, in their tendency to gather and ally rather than fight or flee, and in their fluid boundaries. In fact, what is sometimes regarded as an inconsistency in the contemporary right-wing platform — the desire to regulate women’s reproductive activity in particular and sexuality in general — is only inconsistent if you regard women as people. If you regard women as an undifferentiated part of nature, their bodies are just another place a man has every right to go."  Man, nothing summed it up better with regards to Jim Baker's 'good old boy' mentality towards the women in The Source Family; something that he was able to hide/cloak behind the outward presentation of himself being a holy man; but make no mistake he decided as the group's head honcho how women's bodies would be utilized in his cult/group.  So, that statement in Harper's hit a nerve and addressed the gnawing, unsettling feeling that I've always had about the way that Jim Baker imposed his outdated male gender bias and views that he had carried with him throughout his life about the role of women, and injected those views into what was supposedly 'new age' and 'aquarian'....please.

There was nothing sexually 'liberating' in having one man impose his deluded belief that the menstrual blood of a woman gave him superhuman consciousness!  But, the deeper that Jim Baker delved into the extreme occult beliefs of Aleister Crowley and his own plunge into ritualized sexual madness; the more Jim Baker became convinced that was the way to achieve ultimate consciousness.  Men have dictated how women's bodies should be used throughout history and Jim Baker was no different; he just hid it behind a façade or veil of 'spiritual' precepts.  Jim Baker decided that all the women in his 'family' should be impregnated and produce what he believed would be a new race of 'aquarian' children; yet he never once ask what any of us wanted/he just expected everyone to obey his directives, along with instructing the women on what their roles or duties were to be; which was to be of service to the men.

The most egregious edict of Jim Baker's was when he decided to impose a sexual ritual called kadosh on the entire group; ordering/instructing women in 'the family' to perform often with multiple men/sons---quite often one after the other.  Jim Baker decided that it was his role to decide and direct how women's bodies would be used in his so-called 'family' believing that he possessed the inalienable right as the group's leader to make those decisions for us.  When I became a nursing mother, I also distinctly recall Jim Baker referring to me as 'one of the milk cows' of the family, because he would routinely make distinctions about many of the men & women in his 'family.'

Fervent former devotees of Jim Baker balk at any statement made that portrays their savior and God in an unfavorable light saying things like, "no one was holding a gun to anyone's head."  True, no one was holding a gun to any of our heads to remain in The Source Family or to obey and abide by everything that Jim Baker imposed on the group, but that is what happens in a cult; that's what happens when people blindly and obediently obey and follow a cult leader---people end up doing things/behaving in ways that are contrary to their own moral and ethical beliefs and standards.

It was not until 'the family' ended and we all dispersed and went our own separate ways that many former 'source family' members were able to deprogram themselves and look back critically and objectively at what we had been made to do/coerced to do while in 'the source family.'  To their credit, a few got out early when they saw the disturbing direction that Jim Baker was taking the group.  The behavior of everyone in The Source Family was dictated to and controlled by Jim Baker in what he saw as being the 'aquarian' way of life.  There was never any overt dissension within 'the family' as that was seen as being negative or out-of-your-center (a 'source family' term for being angry), because everyone was expected to comply with every one of Jim Baker's edicts---edicts that he would change almost on a daily basis.

There was never any forum or 'women's groups' within 'the source family' to discuss or talk about our feelings or views; just the expectation for everyone to obey and comply with the dictates of our 'earthly spiritual father', Jim Baker and of course the 'council' comprised of women he designated as 'his women.'  So, you either got onboard and did whatever 'Father' instructed and directed everyone to do, or you faced being diminished or ostracized from the group in what became an intolerance of anything other than what 'Father' decreed in saying, "So mote it be."  The reason that so many women who were in The Source Family do not openly speak out about their experiences from being in 'the family' is out of embarrassment or a sense of shame and not wanting their own children to learn or know more about what their mothers had to endure while in 'the family.'  The majority of us have simply tried to forget about being forced to service men/sons; some we hardly knew, and know in our heart of hearts there is no way in hell that we would ever repeat the experience and certainly would not want our own children or grandchildren to follow or believe in anything that Jim Baker was extolling; the only exception might be the benefits of adhering to a vegetarian diet and perhaps a handful of other things that did not transgress the physical, personal and psychological boundaries of women.

So, I have chosen to speak out and verbalize the embarrassment that many of the women felt, from their time spent in 'the source family' and their regret for allowing a man from the WWII generation who believed that women should sexually service and serve men to decide how their bodies would be used; an attitude that is still seen in many men which continues to disempower and disenfranchise women within our society.  The Source Family may have had the appearance or window dressing of being 'new age' with our long hair and white homespun garb of robes and handmade dresses parroting whatever Jim Baker extolled about either the 'mysteries of the Pyramids' or how we were heralding in the new age of aquarius, but below the surface for anyone who actually lived in the group and spent any length of time in the group; the loss of personal choice and freedom ensued primarily among the women, who were forced to 'obey the teachings of their earthly spiritual father' and 'love their earthly spiritual father more than themselves' which meant performing whatever acts or actions that Jim Baker/Father Yod/Yahowha (all three of him!) purported to have 'pulled from the ethers.'

The moral outrage that I felt over forty years ago in The Source Family cult has remained with me to this day.  There are still some things that I just cannot bring myself to write about simply because some things are just too embarrassing, but remain as a constant reminder and the reason that I will not remain silent in the face of the continued efforts by some to promote life in 'the source family' as being the bellwether or pioneer of the 'new ageism' or conscious healthy living taking place in the world today.  Aside from adhering to a vegetarian diet, many of Jim Baker's beliefs and dictates were for his own self-gratification and have no place in any current relevant dialogue or progressive movement/conversation that is going on today; aside from it serving as a warning.

It is deceptive for those who continue to present only the window dressing of The Source Family to make it look appealing and to be viewed in a favorable light by the public leaving out entirely the fact that Jim Baker expected men and women to perform a sexual ritual which caused more harm than good and that was the equivalent of a physical and psychological abuse of power.  I have conceded that when I first joined 'the brotherhood of the source' that I enjoyed being part of a group and the camaraderie and joyful feelings of being with other free spirits who were happy to have found what appeared to be a healthy & wholesome group, at first.  But Jim Baker, empowered by his new role as our savior-cum-spiritual father decided that in his newfound role he would make decisions about the roles of men and women never asking any of us if we were 'ok' with his edicts or if we felt 'comfortable' with anything he imposed, because Jim Baker also believed that he needed to 'test' a person's loyalty or commitment to him, because he was convinced that all his decisions were being 'channeled' from God.

The public is being duped into believing that Jim Baker was ahead of his time and that The Source Family were shiny examples of wholesome, healthy living leading the way for the entire new age movement, and the sexual ritual/practice of kadosh which became the most important practice or supposed 'teaching' extolled by Jim Baker is left out entirely; something that the handful of diehard 'Yahowites' (devoted followers) neglect to tell people about this most predominate and important of their leader's so-called teachings.  You would think the fact that babies were allowed to die without receiving any medical help would be enough to dissuade people from wanting to promote Father Yod or The Source Family as being forerunners of anything, much less a healthy 'new age.'

It is my feeling that now, more than ever there needs to be more moral outrage; a combination of disgust and anger towards men who continue to believe that they have the right to make decisions about women's bodies.  The Source Family was a travesty of women's rights and the rights of children to receive medical treatment; especially when it was available.  It is time that people felt a moral outrage about men who think/believe that they should be the ones to decide what happens to a woman's body or to the bodies of their own children.

A Product of Environment

Jim Baker loved old movies, especially movies like The Ten Commandments starring Charlton Heston, probably because Jim Baker saw himself in the role of Moses.  I recall when The Ten Commandments was showing at a local theatre in Hollywood and we all had to accompany Jim Baker to see the film.  Another time in 1972 a few of us had to accompany Jim Baker to see the production of Jesus Christ Superstar at the Universal Amphitheatre.  Sitting in the audience with his long hair and beard wearing his robe looking very biblical surrounded by his own group of look-alike followers; Jim Baker no doubt hoping to draw attention to himself that the audience would make a connection between the central character in the show and himself.  Heavily influenced by biblical themes, Jim Baker even penned his own Ten Commandments in his new role as a 'spiritual' messiah.

Jim Baker also really loved the old Nelson Eddy and Jeanette MacDonald films and in the early days at The Mother House he would have a movie projector brought in so the entire 'family' could watch his beloved old films.  Everything was always tailored around what Jim Baker wanted, because after all The Brotherhood of The Source was his own production.  It's easy to see how much films and plays, especially ones with a biblical theme had an impact on Jim Baker, and how he began to see himself as a modern day Moses leading his own tribe of 'chosen people', because he was a product of Hollywood where showmanship and appearance were everything.

A man with questionable moral character; someone who decided that robbing banks was the best way to bankroll his next restaurant venture who looked the part of Moses as portrayed in Hollywood films---deciding to gather his own group of 'spiritual children' (as he called them) fit very well into Jim Baker's wheelhouse and the attention that it gained him, from the worshipful meiny who began to follow him.  It was exactly the kind of 'savior' role that he wanted to play giving him the ego boost and attention that he desired.  Always the showman, Jim Baker put on a good show presenting himself as a 'spiritual' father figure, and the heady lure of working in his restaurant on the Sunset Strip frequented by rock stars and movie stars alike had an exciting and intoxicating effect.

For me, it was extremely easy joining The Brotherhood of The Source where I found immediate acceptance by a seemingly loving 'father' and his beautiful counterpart called 'mother.'  The very early days in 'the family' were like being in a safe, warm cocoon where everything was provided for you.  But, as more people kept joining the entire thing grew into more spectacle than anything else, because Jim Baker was intent on having more and more people join his 'family'; something that would burn-out in a relatively short span of time.  I was nineteen-years-old when I joined 'the brotherhood' in 1970 already a vegetarian having dabbled in transcendental meditation.  I was on my own 'spiritual quest' having given away all my worldly possessions in an exercise in non-materialism; so for me it was an easy transition from being a young 'spiritual' seeker who was living a relatively homeless life to joining Jim Baker and The Brotherhood of The Source.

Although, I never really had a close affinity for Jim Baker, nor was I particularly impressed or overwhelmed by him, but I did like the vibe and the energy or feel of what was going on at The Source Restaurant, and I liked the people who were already there and it felt safe; so I remained from the very first day that I ever went to 'meditation' class (more a recruitment tool) that was held at the restaurant.  That was how easy it was to join Jim Baker's 'family' and becoming part of the motley crew who showed up.  Many were just like me---lost and seeking looking for some kind of haven or communal situation; some were unkempt and spaced out----a few borderline schizophrenic, from ingesting too many hallucinogens who were looking for a free and groovy place to land.

But, for many of us who were on our own 'spiritual quests' in search of someone or something that would satisfy our desire for metaphysical understanding; what Jim Baker was offering fulfilled that need, especially since looking for 'spiritual' teachers or groups where dabbling in Eastern mysticism was the hip thing to do in the late sixties and early seventies.  People were casting around for anything that might produce 'spiritual enlightenment' and when an older man sporting a beard and longish hair hung out his 'open for business' sign that read 'all spiritual seekers welcome'/inquire within/delicious fresh food available and females being groomed to serve and inspire'----it was enticing.  Jim Baker was offering 'spiritual enlightenment' to everyone who showed up and devotedly followed him and adopted his 'teachings' and he provided them with a place to live and food to eat.  All anyone had to do was accept Jim Baker as their 'earthly spiritual father.'  It was all so easy, and at first everything felt safe and comfortable.  But, not very long after the formation of 'the family', especially as more women joined; our new leader or 'earthly spiritual father' believed that it was his role to create a super race of 'aquarian' children and he began that by trying to impregnate several of the young women who had joined his 'family.'

Many of the women who joined 'the family' who saw Jim Baker as their 'spiritual father' became conflicted when he changed the rules and decided that he needed to have sex with them and/or impregnate a few of them; all under the guise of their participation in helping him create a new 'aquarian' race.  Many of us threw ourselves into following and adopting Father Yod as our 'earthly spiritual father' where unflagging devotion and obedience to the man became absolutely essential for anyone who wanted to remain in 'the family.'  There was never any room for anything but whatever Jim Baker/Father Yod/Yahowha 'channeled' from the ethers to impose on his group of gung-ho prostrating followers.  Your only choice was to 'get on-board' with whatever Jim Baker devised or leave, or be kicked out.  Absolute commitment and adherence to the words and directives of Jim Baker, who we all called 'Father' became mandatory.

But, for many of us who joined; we became inured to the conditions in 'the family' that went from aplenty for everyone to only those pampered and favored by 'Yahowha' benefitting where life in The Source Family became increasingly stressful, indolent and dubious and many of us found ourselves incapable of extricating ourselves or our loved ones from 'the family' as things grew progressively worse.  As more people joined who were solely into venerating and deifying Jim Baker; life within The Source Family became about positioning----getting next to 'Yahowha' and about 'spiritual' one-upmanship of whose kundalini would rise up their spine first claiming 'enlightenment' so sought after, by those who hovered around their new found 'spiritual father' in ever-increasing honorific ways feeding Jim Baker's messianic complex even more and more.  The hero-worship and/or deification of Jim Baker grew to ludicrous proportions where life in 'the family' was all about indulging his ego, like being a rock star/lead singer of Yahowha 13 and going out to play concerts at local high schools trolling for new converts, while trying to look cool performing with a pair of shades and his shirt unbuttoned just enough to expose his huge medallion looking more like a new age pimp than spiritual father, while the rest of the members of 'the family' sat on the sidelines as spectators.

The majority of people who joined The Source Family had absolutely nothing when they joined and were mostly just people looking for an alternative or free place to land, or who had joined only because they followed their spouses, siblings or friends in joining and remained because of those familial connections.  Many people who joined The Source Family remained simply because everything was provided for them, and they only had to obey and comply with whatever edict Father Yod/Yahowha imposed on the group.  But, for anyone who joined The Source Family, it quickly became apparent that everything revolved around the veneration and hero-worship of Jim Baker and the catering to his every whim or desire where the entire group dynamic became one of ever-increasing worship of the man, who renamed himself 'Yahowha' as he nurtured a group bubble of delusion around himself.  Towards the end of his life living in a luxury Hawaiian setting in the expensive bedroom community of Lanikai on the island of Oahu; Jim Baker spent the remainder of his days sitting/holding court surrounded by his most loyal followers where on occasion 'outsiders' would be brought in and presented to him where those family members surrounding him would laugh and giggle as if they were privy to something the 'outsiders' were not.  Giving the appearance that 'Yahowha' and only his most devoted followers possessed something that people outside The Source Family did not was crucial in maintaining the illusion.  The illusion that people in The Source Family were 'leaders of the new age' who possessed secret, occult 'teachings' they had gleamed from 'Yahowha' that had become the group mentality that was fomented in The Source Family, and was something that persisted in several of his followers well beyond the death of their avatar.  An imperious smugness and sense of superiority was embedded in a few who had loyally followed and worshipped Jim Baker and became the outward expression of The Source Family experience more than anything else.

The entire Source Family experiment had come to its inevitable end, due to the incessant worship and adulation of Jim Baker and the pervasive groupthink that everyone in The Source Family obey and abide by the man's supposed 'teachings.'  After The Source Family disbanded a year after Jim Baker died, there were a couple of former members who desperately wanted to continue living exactly as they had, while in The Source Family; especially a couple of the men and women who had been treated like rock stars and royalty while in 'the family' who wanted to maintain their perceived status and so with a heightened sense of themselves being 'spiritual' teachers; some ended up creating abusive situations in trying to gather their own group of followers trying to replicate life in The Source Family.  But, that is something that the film doesn't show.  Many people from The Source Family had a difficult and arduous time adjusting back into normal society when the whole thing finally ended.  Those of us who remained in The Source Family had become products, or rather victims of the biblically-themed environment/collective bubble of delusion that had been created by Jim Baker---something and someone that crash-landed in the short span of six years.