Absurd Pandering Behaviors

As Father Yod gathered more and more of the women who populated The Source Family in becoming what he called 'his women', the degree of absurd pandering and pampered attention paid to him grew to ludicrous proportions to where he was never left alone, but always had an entourage of women following him around attending to his every need; like when an entourage of 'his women' would even accompany him into the bathroom to 'shake his peepee' for him; lest him have to descend from his 'spiritual height' to perform such a task.  A competition grew among the women who were incessantly vying for Father Yod's attention; some spending their days sitting in indolent rapt attention in his presence eagerly waiting in anticipation to fulfilling his every need or desire.  This is the degree of sycophantic pandering which ensued around Father Yod and the women who competed for his attention.  

In every task performed for Father Yod from making his meals to preparing a cup of coffee for him; he was pampered and treated like royalty and served in a reverential way; where the attendance to the needs of Father Yod took precedence over everything else within the group.  This is the extent of ludicrous behavior which ensued within The Source Family:  the worshipful obeisance in attending to all of the needs and desires of Father Yod; where the rest of 'the family' became more like bystanders or worker drones in the ever-increasing worship and adulation of Father Yod and his queen bee, where his orders and instructions were to be acted upon immediately post haste with unquestioning loyalty and devotion using the most common colloquial phrase in 'the source family' that began with the words, "Father said....", and if not acted upon was seen as being negative or anti-family.  Yet, it is amazing to me how some of Father Yod's most stalwart and staunch lieutenants from that time, now want absolutely no association with having been in The Source Family!  

It became a very unhealthy social environment within The Source Family, because if you didn't exhibit a worshipful adoration that was expected towards the 'god' whom Jim Baker had supposedly evolved into, especially when he adopted the name 'Yahowha' than you were seen as lesser within the social strata of 'the family.'  Because everything revolved around the worshipful adoration and idolization of 'Yahowha' which is something that is still going on today.  But, hanging on 'Yahowha's' every word as though God had just spoken, along with chanting the name Yahowha, and his women incessantly squealing, "Oh, Yahowha!" became representative of the entire dynamic of The Source Family where everything and everyone revolved around the man who changed his name to Yahowha, who was seen as God incarnate and providing him with the absolute best of whatever amenities were available.  

I recall very well how some of the men and women who looked upon Jim Baker with worshipful adoration and obeisance took their role very seriously.  Some came to believe they were superior in many ways to not only the other people who comprised 'the family', but anyone outside the Source Family as being lesser or not as spiritually evolved; that is the kind of arrogant, spiritual ego that was cultivated within 'the family'.  A couple of those people who became convinced of their superiority or their roles as 'saviors of mankind' and of their own supreme powers from having sat before Yahowha even tried to gather their own followers after The Source Family ended with disastrous results.  Especially when a few of the 'sons' went out trying to replicate life within 'the family' by acquiring/having multiple women just as their idol Yahowha had done.  Even today, a few of the more devote believe themselves to being more enlightened and more highly evolved than people who did not populate The Source Family, and how they alone are carrying on what they continue to see as 'the great work' of Yahowha --- a delusional mindset for anyone to continue to possess, in my opinion.  

But, that is one of the tragic results of having spent time in a cult such as The Source Family; whereas some people had an extremely difficult time adjusting back into society, and some continue to behave as though they are still in The Source Family cult continuing to believe that they are the 'saints' and 'sages' and 'saviors' of the world, and so they have enshrined every word spoken and every action performed by their spiritual leader, Jim Baker. 

But, I witnessed firsthand many of the people who populated The Source Family spiral out of control when it all ended unsure what to do next; incapable of adjusting to life outside the cult or making a living where many resorted to drug dealing; some incapable of forming new relationships with people who did not share the same cult mentality or use the same 'source' jargon; as well as witnessing several former family members descend into twenty plus years of either drug or alcohol use, until some rather like born-again Christians have once again embraced deifying Yahowha and promoting all of the practices and beliefs that resulted from that construct, in what I see as renewed absurd behaviors.

The Ripoffs and Piracy

Probably the hardest thing to swallow about the regurgitation of The Source Family and the 'branding' that's taken place, is what I've seen as a desperate attempt by a couple of former members to propel themselves into the public spotlight, along with the appropriation of all of the music that came out of The Source Family while completely ignoring, sidelining, and omitting or reimbursing the songwriters and musicians who wrote and performed on every single original piece of music.  In what I see as a pleasant form of piracy, a couple of people who were in The Source Family took it upon themselves to represent the entire body of former Source Family members and entered into licensing agreements to market and sell songs and music, in order to promote themselves and maintain their false sense of control.  But, in the minds of two people, it seemed all above board and legal for them to freely license songs and music that had been created by the individual songwriters and musicians who were part of The Source Family, regardless of whether anyone approved or not, or even signed anything!

The majority of songwriters and musicians who performed on what has been labeled 'Source Family music' never saw a dime from any of the music sales!  But, the two people who were pushing and promoting the entire Source Family mythos on to an unsuspecting public felt extremely justified in everything that they did.  Operating on the assumption that nobody was going to challenge anything that either of those two did, they entered into contracts with outside entities to market, license and sell all of the albums and music that were produced, during the brief window of time at The Father House in Los Angeles, while only involving a couple of musicians and completely ignoring the feelings or wishes of other individuals who contributed to the volume of music that had been produced.

Les Adam, who was called Rhythm, was one of those individuals who was completely ignored who had his rights trampled on and was never compensated properly for the use and sale of his own original songs and performances!  Les Adam was by far the most accomplished musician of the entire group capable of playing both acoustic and electric guitar, piano and electric keyboards, as well as being one of the strongest and best songwriters and singers in The Source Family, during its existence.  Yet, Rhythm wasn't even credited in the 2012 film for three of his songs that were used (Take A Ride, Party Song and Woman), but rather due to the usurping of the individual musician's rights in order to push through completion of the film; the credit for Take A Ride was given to the wrong person, and no credit whatsoever was given for the other two songs written and performed by Les Adam.  Instead, the film credits read that all songs used in the 2012 film were 'by permission of the source foundation'!  What a joke, when no permission was obtained on the part of the actual songwriters!

Tim Garon was also completely left out/ignored in being given any film credit for his songs Every Morning and Woman Beyond The Sun.  Unbelievably, neither Tim or Les were even given a 'Gratitude' credit!  No effort was made to make sure that the music credits were done correctly in the film; primarily because the two former Source Family people who were working with the filmmakers did not want to involve any other former members, in order for those two individuals to maintain their tight control over the entire project.  Les and I spoke on the phone quite a bit about how angry he was about the way that he was just expected to comply with whatever those two individuals did who had entered into licensing agreements to market and sell the albums that had been made, during the brief window of time The Source Family existed----albums that contained Les Adam's songs and performances and receiving no compensation whatsoever.  Les told me over the phone a week or so before he died that he had called and asked one of the people if they could help him out with money, since he was undergoing treatment for throat cancer, but was told there was 'no money' for him; yet the person he had asked for money had used profits from the film to fly around the country doing interviews and photo ops about herself.

The defense made by the two individuals who have marketed and sold music calling it 'Source Family music' (this has been going on since the mid-nineties) continue to say there has been no profit made from the sales of any music, and if so that it has been only a miniscule amount----that statement alone was supposed to appease and placate all of the musicians and songwriters who were completely taken advantage of and basically ripped off!  The fact that very little profit has been made, from music sales is beside the point, but it was the only excuse given by the two individuals who ignored addressing the real issue----which was that songs and music have been taken and used without any prior approval or compensation going to the individuals who created the music!  The main issue has been completely ignored, until recently where it appears The Source Foundation is being dissolved (Thank God) and any licensing agreements (a few that had been obtained) had been passed on to Starry Records in Los Angeles supposedly since June, and so it will be interesting to see how that plays out especially since The Source Foundation never secured licensing agreements with all of the songwriters!

But, that's what being in a cult does----it breeds and creates a sense of entitlement among former cult members to take, use and profit from anything that was produced when the cult existed; especially in the delusional belief that any music produced, during the cult belonged to the collective.  It's my understanding from the copyright office that any song recorded after Feb. 15, 1972 was automatically covered by Federal Copyright law and that anyone wanting to sell or distribute albums containing sound recordings needed permission/a signed licensing agreement with the songwriter!  Wow, that didn't happen!  So, two former Source Family cult members put their 'foundation' stamp of ownership on all of the songs and performances made by the individual singers, songwriters and musicians who populated The Source Family.

Although, I do not really fault the filmmakers, because I believe that they were given false, misleading and incorrect information to begin with by the two individuals hellbent on their own self-promotion who convinced the filmmakers they owned all of the rights to all of the music recorded during The Source Family cult daze.  Les Adam died a few months ago never seeing a single dime from the use and sales of any of his songs or performances from his time spent in The Source Family, because two individuals felt that they had more right to his music than he did.  For me, this was and is unforgivable and amidst the self-proclaimed 'high priestess' and 'keeper of the archives' of one individual and all of the other lofty titles adopted by the two people behind the licensing and sales of what has been called 'Father Yod' or 'Source Family' music has been nothing more than greedy self-promotion, along with an in-your-face blatant ripoff of all the songs and music created by individuals who should have been rightfully acknowledged and compensated.  Weak platitudes after-the-fact are the only thing offered, by the person who is the worst offender.  I ask the public this:  how would you feel if your deceased husband's or wife's or own parent's songs and music were taken and used in both a film and on a soundtrack without your prior knowledge or approval?  And how in God's name did The Source Foundation have the right to pass on or sell the 'rights' to all of the albums produced during the heyday of The Source Family to another record label, when they/'the foundation' held no rights to the music, to begin with!  This makes no sense to me whatsoever----how other entities can sell/profit from the songs and music of other people where no licensing agreements or contracts were ever obtained!  Do you think that it is ethically, morally or legally right that someone else sell your family member's songs and music with absolutely no compensation going to the artist or the artist's family?  In my mind, the rightful heirs ie the sons and daughters/wives/husbands (including Jim Baker's own biological children) of any singer/songwriter/musician who performed on any of the albums that were produced and recorded during the time the entire Source Family lived together (circa 1973) should be compensated for the continued sales or use of any of the music.  But, hey that's just me.

Nitrous Oxide and Other Distractions

I thought that I'd recount the time that Father Yod/Yahowha had tanks of nitrous oxide brought to the Father House for morning meditation, and over the following couple of days in what was clearly another sensation-seeking attempt by our 'earthly spiritual father' to entertain himself and 'the troops'. Because over time out of sheer boredom, Jim Baker would use distractions such as using nitrous oxide, in order to try and achieve an even greater level of 'spiritual insight'.  But, life in The Source Family did become very monotonous where people's movements and actions became very restricted which is why Father Yod began pounding on the kettle drum and singing in his cacophonous way, and why he would use cocaine with only a select few 'family' members, and why he decided to travel to India with his select 'women'----something that I saw as an attention-seeking trip.  Jim Baker thought that if he travelled to India he would be seen or recognized as being a great, spiritual teacher or holy man, especially since he had an entire group of 'followers' waiting anxiously for his return, while he went globetrotting.  I believe that Jim Baker's ego grew to tremendous proportions being surrounded by his very own group of followers and that he really came to believe that he would be immediately recognized in the 'East' as being a great, spiritual teacher from the 'West.'

So, Father Yod would constantly search for new ways to keep his boredom at bay like having the entire 'family' use nitrous oxide, or having everyone wander aimlessly around the Bay Area looking for a place to land and attaching some religious or spiritual meaning/significance to that as being the same as when Moses wandered around the desert for 40 years---anything to keep moving to stave off the boredom and repetitious monotony that daily life became within the closed and cloistered  Source Family.  At one time the entire 'family' ended up in San Francisco and moved into The Atherton Mansion, otherwise known as the 'cat lady' mansion because there was one huge room where a woman had taken in and housed hundreds of homeless cats!  How fitting that a house that housed homeless cats would then house a group of homeless cult followers.  All that Father Yod seemed to do all day at The Atherton manse was perform 'sex magic' in his upstairs room with his female entourage.  I recall throughout the day being subjected to the orgasmic shrieks and shrills emanating throughout the house from his various women where it seemed like some were trying to outdo one another in a competition to see who could have the loudest most vocal orgasm.  I could not stand that time at The Atherton Mansion in San Francisco just hanging out in limbo in that huge, vacant house (there was not a stick of furniture) waiting around, while Father Yod had sex in his upstairs room waiting for his next command to move the entire group to its next destination, where he would also spend much of his time continually messing with people's lives and relationships moving family members around and instructing them to be with someone else----leave their partner or spouse to go 'serve' another, as though we were all pawns on his personal chessboard.

Everyone in The Source Family were expected to do whatever Father Yod told them to do---whether it was to change partners or perform some specific task which was something that he did constantly throughout the brief few years that The Source Family cult existed, but that kind of leader-control of people's personal lives and relationships is indicative of life in a cult.  So, anyone who tries to convince you that Jim Baker is worthy of hero-worship or was some kind of living saint is still living in that cult mentality unable to differentiate even 40+ years out the difference between right and wrong behavior, which is why a few still cling to the belief that everything that Jim Baker did was for a higher, cosmic purpose.  Those who showered Jim Baker with elevated and worshipful praise and devotion were also given perks, allowances and niceties not afforded to all 'family' members, because Father Yod definitely had his 'favorites.'  A distinct class system grew around Father Yod and the women he designated as being 'his women' and a few of his most devoted and loyal 'sons', but where other 'family' members like me only seemed to occupy space in The Source Family.  I just could never worship 'Yahowha' in the way that came to be expected of all 'family' members, especially by the time that the group reached Hawaii where everything really began to unravel.

Jim Baker pursued hedonistic pleasures in order to stave off any lethargy or inertia, whenever he felt that he wasn't moving fast enough along a 'spiritual' path.  But, as history has shown---a male ego inflated to enormous proportions surrounded by adoring, fawning people (especially women) proclaiming him to be 'God' possessing infinite wisdom often become debauched and dissipated in their pursuit of pleasure, and so Jim Baker was living out his own fantasies within The Source Family by acquiring multiple 'women' around him whom he designated as being his 'wives', to playing at being 'rock star' as lead singer/frontman for Yahowa 13 while the rest of the 'family' members like myself stood on the sidelines watching the circus unfold around fulfilling the whims of our 'spiritual' leader.

The entire dynamic of The Source Family revolved around satisfying the whims and desires of Jim Baker and if someone did not see him for the 'great spiritual' God-man that his most devoted followers proclaimed him to be or did not follow all of the imperatives and orders handed down from his 'council' of women then you were marginalized, as those seeking power and perceived position within the family wielded more and more control.  I recall one women who loved to 'carry out' Yahowha's orders by marching around policing everyone looking for infractions, who acquired the name 'hatchet lady'.  That is how stultifying it became in The Source Family.  Either strict adherence to 'the rules' or being kicked out of 'the family' by 'the council' of Yahowha's most controlling women.  What an absolute nightmare the entire thing became, and thank god that it all finally ended when it did, which is why I am against any revival or renewal of The Source Family.  It all became an extremely unhealthy, debauched exercise in cultish rule by a handful of power-hungry women obedient to an older sex-addicted guy with a messiah complex.

A Legacy Not Worth Saving

It is easy to forget about the many casualties of The Source Family, amidst the media flurry and exaggerated claims being made about Father Yod and 'life in the family', but there were more casualties from being in the family, than not.  Firstly, there is the emotional damage that Jim Baker left behind by impregnating three different women, during his reign over The Source Family.  One of those women was his own wife, Robin Baker (known as Ahom) who gave up her own pursuit and dream of becoming an actress in Hollywood when she met and married Jim Baker; whom she believed to be 'the love of her life.'  Robin Baker was as instrumental in the formation of The Source Family, as Jim Baker; in fact per Tim Garon who spent an entire year with Jim and Robin, prior to the formation of The Brotherhood of The Source; it was Robin's idea to start their own spiritual family, after Jim Baker decided to leave Yogi Bhajan.  Tim also stated that Jim Baker's reason for leaving the yogi was because Jim had found out that Bhajan was having sex with various women in his ashram!  But, Robin was young and beautiful when she met Jim Baker in the late sixties where she adopted/took on the role of a spiritual mentor or mother to those who came to her morning classes held at The Source Restaurant where some became inspired by her.  Because in the early days of The Source Family, Robin Baker embodied all of the qualities that you might expect to find in an Aquarian Age 'earthly spiritual mother':  beauty, warmth, compassion and kindness.  Robin embraced her new role as 'spiritual mother'; a complement to Jim Baker's role as 'earthly spiritual father.'  Most everyone who joined in the early days of the group referred to Robin Baker with the endearing term of Mother.  Robin was the inspiration for several of the young women who joined as she and her husband were laying (no pun intended) the foundation for their New Age Aquarian family.  But, Robin had no idea what was in store for her, or what she would have to endure in helping her husband to form his own Aquarian family; she didn't know that very soon after young women who had been inspired by her began to join would be approached by her husband soliciting some to bear his child to further his delusion of creating a super race of Aquarian children via his seed.  Jim Baker's plan to impregnate some of the young women who began to join his family came as a shock and a surprise to Robin, but she was now married to the man.  So, Robin Baker did her best to adapt and adjust to her husband's objective, hoping and praying that he might soon see the error of his ways and stop his pursuit of other women in the newly formed group; although that did not happen until the final days of his life.  Robin had already invested so much of her life in helping her husband create The Source Family, along with nurturing and cultivating relationships with other family members which combined with becoming pregnant with Jim Baker's child; she made the decision to remain in her demoted position within the family.  Because Jim Baker replaced Robin with another dark-haired young woman whom he became enamored who had joined the family; referring to her as his 'mother/angel' whom then all of his attention and focus was then centered, and where Susan (named Makushla) displaced Robin.  Susan aka Makushla was then waited on hand and foot and showered with praise and adoration, just as Father Yod and is still seen by some devote former family members as being the head of the defunct Source Family, because of her highly touted position of being 'Yahowha's mother/angel'. So, Robin Baker who was Jim Baker's only legal wife, during the entire course of The Source Family was removed from her role as spiritual mother and replaced with Makushla.  This is the kind of legacy that Jim Baker left behind; replacing the women or wives in his life with another who caught his eye, along with having children with different women before The Source Family and during its existence.  Jim Baker fathered three children with three different women, during the family daze; but he also had children prior to the formation of The Source Family.  Yet, this is the legacy that a couple of people are so intent on saving; a legacy of the use and misuse of women and children by a man who saw himself as god or messiah of the New Age.  Many men from Jim Baker's generation found it very easy to move from one woman to another; to leave their wives and children for another woman usually a younger or prettier version of the one they were leaving, and to continue fathering children whom they left with very little thought as to their financial support or security; which is exactly what happened with not only Robin Baker and her infant daughter fathered by Jim Baker, but the two other women whom he also impregnated, during the family.  Adding insult to injury, one of the more aggressive council women who still saw herself as one of 'Yahowha's women' tried to wrest any remaining financial interest or money from the sale of The Source Restaurant to go to the support of herself and the other women whom Jim Baker had surrounded himself, rather than to the children Jim Baker had sired in The Source Family. Wow, not any kind of legacy worth saving, in my mind; but more a tragic tale of one man leaving behind a wake of fatherless children and abandoned women!

WWII Veteran Meets Flower Children

One of the things that the 2012 film made about The Source Family shows is how Jim Baker went from being a wealthy Hollywood playboy who had been arrested on a couple of occasions for using deadly force and supposedly committing bank robberies to his transition into becoming an earthly spiritual father for a group of devoted followers. Aside from the time that Jim Baker spent sitting before Yogi Bhajan, there was little to qualify Jim Baker in becoming a spiritual teacher.  Yet, that is what Jim Baker came to be seen by his most devoted followers:  their loving, benevolent and wise earthly spiritual father.

Jim Baker is heard in the film in his own words explaining how he felt when he first came across a hippie girl, which was his first exposure to the hippies who had been living a life where free love and peace were prevailing themes.  But, Jim Baker came from my parent's generation who lived through WWII----not someone from my own generation.  Jim Baker had never been a hippie or ever lived a communal hippie lifestyle where he dropped out from mainstream society, at least not until he decided to form his own spiritual group.  To me, there was a glaring generational gap in how Jim Baker perceived things----especially in how he viewed the roles of the men and women who would comprise his New Age/Aquarian family.

My own step-dad, a WWII veteran believed that women had distinct roles that he referred to as woman's work such as making meals and housework----a view that he and Jim Baker seemed to share.  I recall when Jim Baker made the analogy of the women or angels (he referred to all the women in the group as angels) having sex with multiple men in the family the same as where one woman would often sexually service more than one man, during times of war.  That belief of women sexually servicing multiple men, during times of war was bolstered with him instilling the belief that a war between light and darkness was being waged and that the family members who sat before him were Warriors of Light fighting the dark forces-----a recurring theme in much of Father Yod's rhetoric.

I was dismayed by a lot of what Jim Baker was saying, although; I chose to ignore the alarm bells and red flags and just accepted what my newly found earthly spiritual father was saying, instead choosing to believe at the time, that he must have everyone's best interests at heart.  But, one thing became very clear in joining The Source Family, and that was that Jim Baker saw the role of women as one of obedience and servitude.

The Mormons believe that a woman can only get into the kingdom of heaven through a man, which is essentially what Jim Baker also believed----that a woman's liberation from the chains and shackles of this earthly existence and her only true happiness was through her "serving and inspiring" a man.  In fact, a woman who chose to go it alone and chose to remain single or independent was seen as being masculine and was looked down upon by Father Yod, because he steadfastly did not believe that women were emotionally equipped to deal with the vicissitudes of life.

Father Yod also did not condone a gay lifestyle and obliquely condemned it, and so when a gay man who joined in the early days divulged to Father Yod his sexual orientation; that man was told that he should leave The Source Family.  Jim Baker's intolerance of a gay lifestyle was also indicative of his WWII mentality and generational gap.  So, Jim Baker began to glorify and convince the men who joined his group that they were gods or godmen where he used the analogy of the sun shining constant and life-giving rays on woman (or women), who were seen as the moon and were dark, changeable and emotional only capable of reflecting her suns light and could only achieve emotional stability and balance through a man.

Jim Baker believed that a woman's only true lasting happiness was in serving a man, not going out and having a career.  This is what all women who joined The Source Family were expected to believe and adopt as being their role in life----to serve one of the suns/sons in the family by taking care of his earth trip, which translated to things like preparing his meals and doing his laundry, giving him foot and full body massages.....even brushing his hair, lest a sun or godman had to descend from his pursuit or contemplation of spirit to perform such a menial task.  Along with serving a son, the women or angels were expected to adopt what I saw as a kind of submissive, worshipful obedience that became the expected attitude of women towards their godman.

So, many of us who joined The Brotherhood of The Source tried adopting the roles set out by Father Yod for the women and men in his group, even if those roles set off alarm bells within many of us.  In my mind, Jim Baker used the free love that many of us had already been experiencing as hippies that was so prevalent during the sixties and early seventies as a way to live out or fulfill his own male fantasy of having sex with multiple women; especially some very young women, after he decided to become their earthly spiritual father claiming to have had a vision that he was supposed to gather his own children.  Because it was much easier to convince his followers to lower their inhibitions and follow or obey his made-up directives around sexual promiscuity, if he claimed they were spiritual teachings and especially easier if those adoring followers saw you as their caring, wise and benevolent spiritual father.

It really was no surprise to learn that a few of Father Yod's women got into prostitution, after The Source Family dispersed, because it was a short step from having sex with multiple men in the family to what some women got paid to do in the real world.  So much for New Age/Aquarian peace and love.

Affectations and Magical Thinking

I thought that I would write about the 'magical thinking' that defined life in The Source Family, and the many affectations that 'family' members adopted beginning with the way that Jim Baker would often speak with the affectation of 'a guru from India.'  Perhaps by affecting the speech of his own 'spiritual' master, Yogi Bhajan; Jim Baker thought that he'd be perceived as being a 'spiritual master' himself.  Who knows, but I always thought it sounded very pretentious, whenever he began speaking in that way.  It seemed that Jim Baker would adopt an Indian guru speech affectation whenever there were 'outsiders' present, or non-family members whom he wanted to impress.  Because, Jim Baker was all about putting on a good show.  So much of life in The Source Family was about 'putting on a show' or presentation and attracting attention.  I often found Father Yod to be extremely embarrassing, with his speech affectations and his incessant 'teaching' or proselytizing and lecturing often in a loud and bombastic way.

Given Father Yod's presentation, it's no wonder that other family members soon adopted their own 'spiritual' affectations and behaviors, in wanting to copy or emulate their spiritual 'teacher', and to give the appearance of having attained a higher consciousness or some kind of enlightened, spiritual superiority which seemed to be the expression of many in The Source Family.  Those who became convinced by Father Yod that they were the 'saints' and 'sages' and 'saviors' of the world dressed all in white following an older man around sporting a beard and long hair doing a good impression of Moses was a heady mix for some who were willing and eager to adopt their own 'spiritual' persona; who also wanted to be seen as being wise and 'enlightened' or 'chosen' to be in God's army leading the way for mankind----that was the climate that anyone joining The Brotherhood of The Source would have found themselves in.

Initially, what Jim Baker was offering did sound wonderful and appealing.  But, soon like many older men of his generation; Jim Baker succumbed to the allure or enticement of having women prostrate themselves in front of him and soon saw how accessible they were sexually, especially in his new role of 'earthly spiritual father'----the same allure that many other gurus, swamis and spiritual leaders succumbed to and had become all too common.

If Jim Baker had been able to 'keep it in his pants', perhaps The Brotherhood of The Source might have taken another direction rather than the one that it did.  If Jim Baker had been able to remain committed and loyal to his new bride, Robin Baker, rather than 'the family' becoming a cult where the practice of 'sex magic' took precedence, perhaps something healthy and sustainable might have been created.  But, Jim Baker was a victim of his own sexual desires and inclinations, and his own desire or need to garner attention to himself, by gathering his own group of adoring followers just as Yogi Bhajan had done.

Unfortunately, Jim Baker decided that it was his role to impregnate as many women as he possibly could, in order to create a super race of what he considered 'conscious' Aquarian children and so he began grooming one of the first young women to join his 'family' who was all of fourteen, but who soon decided to leave the group after realizing that she had not joined to break up a marriage or procreate with a man whom she saw as her 'spiritual father.'  But, the die was cast and Jim Baker continued his acquisition of more and more women who joined his family, while expounding and espousing on 'spirit' and about attaining a 'higher consciousness' in order to lead humanity out of the darkness and into the 'new age'.

Adopting 'magical thinking' became the norm within The Source Family, from believing that rain water called 'tahuti water' contained magical properties, or that an 'elemental kingdom' existed where elemental spirits inhabited fire, water, air and earth, to imbuing inanimate objects with talismanic properties, or attaching numen to the places wherever 'the family' resided (like Lanikai Beach on the windward side of Oahu), or how a special 'soma' drink was prepared during a full moon to be used in ceremonial magic (the only drink that contained alcohol), where exhaling aggressively through your nostrils was seen as a way of expelling 'negative' thoughts.  Yes, welcome to the whacky, weird world of the 'magical thinking' that prevailed in The Source Family, and the affectations that would define the entire experience.  Where staring unblinking into the sun at sunrise and sunset was practiced on a regular basis, along with sending imaginary waves from the pineal gland in your brain down through your body into the earth as a way to cleanse your 'ethereal' body.

Life in The Source Family was centered around the belief and practices of 'new age' and occult magic, along with seeing 'signs' in everything.  There was also a large degree of idleness within The Source Family.  There was a lot of 'hanging out' and just doing nothing, especially among the women, since Jim Baker would only allow the men or 'sons' to conduct 'outside' business enterprises or work in the restaurant, due to Father Yod's belief that women were not emotionally equipped to deal with the outside world, and therefore should be protected from it.  There were a few exceptions like allowing women to work in The Source Restaurant, since his 'sons' were nearby, if protection was needed.  A few women were allowed to conduct 'family' business on the 'outside' on occasion, but overall the majority of women spent the day doing all of the menial, household chores such as cleaning, laundry and childcare.  For being an 'aquarian' family, I found the roles of men and women in The Source Family outdated and sexist resembling that in biblical times, especially eschewing the use of doctors and modern medicine.

One of the things that many of us did after being on 'the outside' upon returning to the 'circumvent force' (a kundalini yoga term that Jim Baker adopted) or 'magical boundary' of the family, was to take a cold shower or go into the ocean (when in Hawaii) to wash off the 'bad vibes' that may have attached themselves while being out in the 'maya'....invisible cooties if you will.  So, Father Yod prescribed several 'psychic cleansing' actions to cleanse away any psychic negativity that may have attached to 'family' members who spent time 'outside' in the world. There was quite a lot of magical thinking in The Source Family; like the belief that an adept (an accomplished master of the spiritual realms) just showed up one day at The Father House and presented Father Yod with the Mystic Road (a series of repetitive mental exercises to increase concentration) that has become a fulcrum, by some of Father Yod's 'teachings'; only to have this adept leave never to be seen or heard from again!  Magic!  One of the most common and overused of psychic protections was to aggressively exhale through your nostrils to expel any negative thoughts, or verbally eructing the word "Tau!" as another way to drive out unwanted thoughts, which also became one of the most adopted idiosyncrasies that everyone did in response to something they found unpleasant.....using "tau!" was the equivalent of saying "No More!" or "Enough!."

Jim Baker was also really into 'testing' members of his flock, in order to determine their 'spiritual' resolve or commitment to him, and so he would often either kick people out of 'the family', or instruct them to carry out certain tasks as 'a test', because Father Yod believed that having his 'children' overcome challenges or adversity would 'test their mettle.'  Although, I observed that these 'tests' never seemed to extend to those whom Father Yod favored, which is also why it's easy to see why some former family members have only happy memories of their time spent in The Source Family.  A few people were pampered and coddled and given 'special treatment and dispensation' simply for being 'favorites' of Father Yod.  That is how it worked in The Source Family.  It meant that if you were one of his 'favorites' than you were at the receiving end of having money, travel or tools/equipment at your disposal, or if you were one of 'his women', it meant having access to nicer dresses and/or jewelry, as well as the first and best selection of foods set aside for Father Yod which is why a few of the women who chose to become one of Father Yod's 'women' saw it as an opportunity to gain status and access to more within 'the family.'

I was in The Source Family for six years and never had one piece of jewelry.  My lack of nice dresses and jewelry of any kind spoke volumes about my own status within the family.  But, then seeking favor or supplicating myself before Jim Baker was not something that I was interested in doing.  I guess that's how it was supposed to work in this 'new age', aquarian family---only those who were the most favored, or devoted or the most appealing or pleasing to Father Yod were given preferential treatment.

Another form of testing imposed by Jim Baker was placing women within 'the family' with one of his 'sons', or instructing one of his 'sons' to accept certain women as their 'angel', even if it meant a woman leaving her spouse or husband to go 'be with' or serve another man (son) in the family.  If someone got a staph infection, it was also seen as 'a test.'  Absolutely everything within the group was seen as some kind of 'spiritual' test.  The prevailing belief of Father Yod was that 'spirit' was guiding his words and actions----a delusional belief that a few devoted followers still purport as being true.

Since Jim Baker was viewed as being a great, spiritual teacher by his followers and in possession of ancient, esoteric and occult knowledge; a kind of dependent, childlike behavior ensued where Source Family members would ask his advice or counsel on absolutely everything.  When your entire life is reduced to following the beliefs and edicts of one man, who is seen as being a great spiritual leader; it does not leave much room for individual or autonomous decision-making.  Everyone's actions and speech were scrutinized continually and you either adopted the groupspeak and affectations of everyone else in The Source Family or you left, or were kicked out.

Magical thinking permeated every aspect of daily life in The Source Family, and is also what lead to or contributed to some of its more tragic outcomes by believing that 'spirit' guided and directed everything to such an extent that normal emotions or reactions of individuals became anaesthetized.  A perfect example was when Jim Baker crash-landed on the beach and lay there surrounded by a group of his followers who were unsure what to do, because of the indoctrination and groupthink that prevailed that 'Yahowha' was still in control and that 'spirit' would decide his fate.

There were other examples of how healthy, individual emotional responses and behaviors were muted, subdued or lacking due to the indoctrination and supplicant behavior by the individual's who comprised The Source Family, to where individual autonomy and decision-making were supplanted with the will of Father Yod and/or 'his women.'  I believe that it was because of the childlike dependence of 'family' members on Father Yod, that the ability for people to act independently was lost----where individuals were unable to respond appropriately afraid of going against the prevailing groupthink.

Loss of personal autonomy is one of the signature features found in cults----an inability to respond or act accordingly to what is best for the individual, in fear of going against the group.  By only doing what was sanctioned and approved by Father Yod, people became disempowered and enervated.

Although, it is embarrassing to write about being in The Source Family, because most nowadays will read this and say, "what the hell, why would anyone subject themselves to any of that?", which is why the majority of men and women who shared the same experience of being in The Source Family have chosen to remain silent out of embarrassment for having subjected themselves to the roles and occult practices expected of them.

If The Children Were The Most Important

One of the biggest contradictions of Jim Baker was how many of his actions and behavior seemed completely opposite to the words he espoused, like in his views of 'the children' in The Source Family.  In the early days, before he began impregnating the women around him and before a bumper crop of babies were born; Jim Baker always spoke about the value and importance of the children who had been brought into The Brotherhood of The Source by their parents.  During that time, it seemed as though Jim Baker truly regarded 'the children' as the promise of the future to be nurtured and cherished and that it was the children who should always be fed and provided for first and foremost.

Jim Baker also believed that the children should all live together as a group separate from their parents rather than children and their parents sleeping together and sharing a living space.  So, the children who came into The Source Family with their parents all lived together in a room or space separate from the rest of the family, with mothers rotating shifts to take over what was called 'children's duty.'  You could basically 'drop off' your child with the group and not worry about them, unless it was your turn on 'children's duty.'

But, not long after Jim Baker had impregnated his own legal wife, Robin Baker and then two other women whom he considered to be 'his women'; Jim Baker began to view the children who had been brought into 'the family' by their parents as being 'Piscean.'  The term 'Piscean' was a derogatory term used in The Source Family to denote anyone or anything that represented or resembled the old age that we were leaving behind.  The Piscean Age meaning the astrological age that valued money, power and control as opposed to the new Age of Aquarius values of love, brotherhood, unity and integrity.  Father Yod believed that it was his role to create or produce a super race of 'Aquarian' children in the babies being born into The Source Family, and so he soon began to view the children born outside what was constantly referred to as 'the circumvent force' of his 'family', as potentially having a negative influence on his babies, and so he wanted them kept separate or away from the children he considered 'Piscean'.  Man, what a contradiction!  To go from viewing the children brought into the family by their parents as being the most valued, to being seen as a potential negative influence on his own children!  Jim Baker was afraid that the 'Piscean' children's habits and behaviors might negatively influence his own children.  Which is also probably why he did not seem too concerned when he had the women with children abruptly sent away to live on a parcel of land located outside Makawao, Maui when the threat of social services descending on the compound in Los Angeles became real.

What preempted the evacuation was when a newborn baby developed a serious case of staph and against Father Yod's edict was taken to a nearby emergency room for treatment, which raised the alarm.  It was because of the threat of the Department of Social Services descending upon The Father House that Father Yod decided to have all of the pregnant women (I was among those) and women with small children quickly shipped off to what were extremely harsh and spartan conditions in an encampment where 'shantytown' conditions prevailed with no indoor facilities, no hot or cold running water with the exception of a hose, and very little in the way of shelter, but what made the conditions so much worse was the fact that there was very little food for anyone especially the children.  The children that were supposedly so 'valued' by our 'earthly spiritual father', Father Yod were forced to live in near-starvation conditions  The only food sources were whatever fruit could be found or picked on any given day, by the two men or 'sons' who were sent along and where many days they returned only with pineapple or breadfruit.  There were also a small ration of wheat berries soaked overnight and eaten raw, as a source of protein.  But, that was it!  While Father Yod was ensconced in comfort back in Los Angeles banging on the kettle drum with a bounty of plenty surrounded by 'his women' who waited on him hand and foot.

Jim Baker also believed that children were like 'little animals' that should be removed from the group whenever they became unruly and so he implemented what was called 'the box' which was where an unruly child was placed in isolation until they calmed down and became compliant.  The box was used at The Father House in Los Angeles, and utilized again at The Hilo Country Club on the Big Island.  I never liked the idea of 'the box' and know that had my son been old enough there was no way in hell that I would have allowed anyone to put him into that box!  But, again groupthink took over and dominated every aspect of life within The Source Family and so whatever either Father Yod or his 'council' of women decided was always implemented.  I won't go into Father Yod's edict for the family members to not use any outside medical help, since I've covered that in other posts, but suffice it to say that the children in The Source Family suffered the most from such a derelict and harmful belief system!  Since writing this post, I found and attached a link to an excellent pdf where much of what is written about applied to what happened in The Source Family cult.
https://www.academia.edu/1970801/Mothers_in_cults_The_influence_of_cults_on_the_relationship_of_mothers_to_their_children?email_work_card=title

The Source Family No Longer Exists

I wanted to do a post for the benefit of those who have been given the impression that The Source Family still exists or that it is still a functioning group, which is just not true.  I will explain what happened to cause the resurgence to promote Father Yod and The Source Family.  In the early 1990's Sky Saxon (lead singer for The Seeds), and a former long-time family member decided that they would try and profit off the Yahowha 13 albums and so the two of them decided to make a box set of all the albums making a deal with a Japanese label, regardless of the fact that Sky (known as Arelich) had only performed on one of the albums, and the other former family member had never performed on any of the albums or written any of the songs....they just both felt a sense of entitlement to release a box set with no compensation going to any of the songwriters or musicians!

It is my feeling, that a bad precedent was set when these two individuals released and profited off the box set of all the music that had been produced at The Father House back in 1973, which made it all more enticing for others to want to do the same, especially since none of the songwriters or musicians were monetarily compensated for the release and sales of that box set.  Although Sky Saxon is still considered a former member of The Source Family, he never actually lived with the group, because Father Yod would not allow Sky's dogs, but he did make an occasional appearance spend a day or two and then left.

After the box set came out, a couple of other former members saw that money could be made from the sale of the music that had been produced during a brief window of time when the entire group was living together in Los Angeles, and who then decided that a for-profit corporation should be created, under the guise of 'protecting the family music' when in truth it was to help facilitate two individuals gaining some kind of control over the music and the entire Source Family narrative, and so 'the source foundation' was formed, along with placing two former family members in the positions of President and Vice President (for life).  With the prospect of money and notoriety to be had, a book and the consequent documentary were made by the same two individuals who were leading the newly formed 'source foundation'.  That is how the whole resurgence and regurgitation of Father Yod and The Source Family began.

But, until then most of us who had been in The Source Family had hoped that the entire thing would just be left in the dustbin of the past and be forgotten, and so the statement made by one who is leading the charge how The Source Family 'was all but flatlined' was not because the group was on some kind of hiatus, but was because most former members have just been too embarrassed to have their family members, friends or children find out about them having been in a cult!

The truth is there are really only two people who are behind the push to promote and sell Father Yod and The Source Family to the general public, as being 'forerunners of a new age' and any or all of the websites proclaiming to be 'the official site' for 'The Source Family' making statements such as, 'this site represents The Source Family' is simply not true, and also extremely misleading.  The Source Family no longer exists----it ended the day that Jim Baker jumped off the cliff on Oahu and subsequently died, although much like a body on life support some tried to keep it alive for another year.

Any website proclaiming to be representative of The Source Family, or Father Yod, or Yahowha are the creation of just one individual, who is intent on spreading the so-called 'teachings' of 'Yahowha' and selling source family merchandise, but who certainly does not represent the entire group of former members.  I am one of those former Source Family members and nothing that this person says or proclaims is representative of me!  None of the websites named Father Yod or Source Family are representative of my present views and opinions, and are only the views and opinions of one person.  A person who spent less than six months in The Source Family at the very end and a small handful of zealous former members, who are now following that person's lead.  That same person photoshopped themselves into a group photo taken in LA forty years ago.  Any website that represents itself as being a Source Family website is misleading and misrepresentative in order to give the impression that the entire body of former family members are behind their site which is a falsehood.

Just like in the Wizard of Oz there is only one man behind the curtain pulling all the strings, in order to present himself as being the 'new leader or head' of the defunct Source Family.  But, it is my feeling that it is misleading to give people the appearance that there is something to join or become part of.  Oh, you can become a fan or a follower of the 2012 film, and perhaps someone might even give you an honorary 'Aquarian' name!  But, people need to know that there is no longer a Source Family, and certainly nothing to join.

In my mind, the only true liberation (the title of Jim Baker's book) that I felt after spending six years in The Source Family cult was when it finally ended in 1976.  So, I urge anyone who is interested in finding out more about The Source Family to understand and know this----that there are only a very small handful of people who are intent on perpetuating a mythos around Jim Baker in order to either disseminate his so-called teachings or to sell merchandise and so it is only a few people who desperately want the public to shower them with accolades and praise, and even bask in their presence simply for having been members of The Source Family cult forty years ago.

Seriously, that was exactly what two former family members who were behind the documentary were offering when it came out in 2012----the opportunity for someone to pay money to have dinner with them!  The fact that these two people think so highly of themselves that it would be an 'honor' for someone to have dinner with them, was simply beyond the pale for the other former Source Family members like myself who witnessed the humongous egocentric behavior of these two individuals; one of whom had only spent less than six months in the group at the very end, yet see themselves as an authority on the entire experience.  I don't think so.

Aladdin

This post is to pay homage to my son's father, Tim Garon for all of the wonderful music that he composed and performed throughout his life.  But, since this blog pertains to 'life in the source family'; I'm primarily reserving this post to that time in his life.  Tim Garon met Jim and Robin Baker at Yogi Bhajan's ashram in Los Angeles in 1969.  Tim's cousin, Shakti Parwha Kaur (Miriam Garon) was the Yogi's personal secretary, and so Tim began attending classes that were held at the ashram and after meeting Jim and Robin; his cousin Shakti got him a job washing dishes at The Source Restaurant.  Tim soon began referring to Jim Baker as 'father', as Jim Baker was just starting his formation of what would become The Source Family, with himself becoming its 'earthly spiritual father'.  Tim spent an entire year with Jim and Robin Baker, along with another man who also became a follower of Jim Baker, before anyone else joined what was initially called The Brotherhood of The Source.  But, as the group grew Tim became more and more disillusioned with Jim Baker, especially after he displaced and replaced his wife, Robin with Makushla and so many other women.  So, Tim just came and went as he pleased as he watched what he considered a circus show unfold around Jim Baker.  Because although Tim held an appreciative fondness towards Jim Baker, he could not stand the worshipful meiny that had formed around him.  

Tim Garon was given several names, during the course of the cult beginning with Destiny, then Aladdin, briefly David and then finally he got stuck with the name Hom; a name that Tim could not stand. Supposedly the planets made their own individual sound and Hom was one of those sounds, although I do not recall for which planet.  Tim Garon was also the first singer/songwriter to join 'The Brotherhood of The Source' where Robin Baker would often sing with him.  In the very early days of the group, it was Tim who entertained at every 'family' gathering.  But, as more musicians began joining eventually Yahowa 13 took center stage and garnered all of the attention and promotion, and Tim's voice and songs were heard less and less.  

After the family ended, Tim wanted no affiliation with The Source Family, yet those promoting Father Yod and The Source Family continued to use and sell his music.  The argument of the two people who are selling Source-branded merchandise is that Tim had given them verbal permission to use his songs, as long as they did not use his real name.  But, the thing is that Tim died in 2008, and the film which features two of Tim's songs was not released until 2012.  Logic and common decency or even courtesy dictates that those two people should have reached out and contacted Tim's heirs to either ask permission or just given a 'heads up.' But neither was extended to either me (his former wife), or Tim's son and heir (our son).  So, when the film was being unveiled at SXSW in Austin in 2012 someone called me from the event to tell me that two of Tim's songs had been used, along with video footage of Tim performing his song Woman Beyond The Sun; all unbeknownst to me or his/our son.  The two individuals leading the charge in the revival of Father Yod and The Source Family could have easily reached out to me via either email or a phone call, because I had been contacted to ask if I wanted to be interviewed for the documentary and yet not one mention ever of their intentions of taking, using and selling Tim's music.  

Tim's son does not receive one dime from the sales of either of his Dad's songs used in the 2012 film and soundtrack album, or from his songs on Yahowa 13 and 'Father Yod' albums, because again it goes back to the arrogant and imperious 'sense of entitlement' that some former members feel they have to just take, license and sell whatever they want with little or no compensation going to the individuals whose songs and music they have been so freely licensing!  This is the most disturbing aspect of two people's appropriation of the entire story of The Source Family---two people who behave as though the entire story/narrative belongs to them, along with anything that was created during the time that we all lived together making it their own property, especially all of the music that was made.  My only recourse is to hire a music attorney or sign new licensing agreements with a new set of individuals, who want to profit from music sales.  Even if Tim had given a verbal consent for his songs or music from 40 years ago to be used---the claim made by the president and vp of the now defunct 'source foundation'; the fact that Tim never signed a damn thing with those two should have given them pause from just going ahead and taking and using his music!  It is my belief that some kind of consideration should have been given to Tim's heirs ie his son and me.  But, I am dismissed and labeled by 'the foundation' prez as being, 'the out of touch ex-wife', whom he feels has no claim to Tim's music.  Yet, Tim's own son was also completely sidestepped and circumvented.  

What's done is done, yet no restitution of any kind has been allotted or offered to Tim's son without agreeing to sign 'source foundation' contracts in what I saw as a 'friendly form of extortion', until just recently.  In a long overdue and pathetic effort on the part of the president of the source foundation, upon the announcement of the dissolution of his foundation, an accounting was given in the amount of $30.40 to be paid to Tim's son for the sale and use of his Dad's songs and music for all these years, and in what was meant to be a personal and petty dig at me noted that payment was ONLY to be paid to my son (not me)!  Ha ha ha!  So, Tim's son has finally been offered some kind of recompense for the sale and use of his Dad's song on a Yahowa 13 album that has been on sale since the early nineties, while completely omitting any remuneration for Tim's song Every Morning, because the prez of the source foundation admitted to having no knowledge of that being Tim's song; which only goes to prove the disconnect of those who have wanted to profit from all of the music, but who have no idea themselves who wrote what song or who was performing on any of it!  Unbelievable. The photo below was taken at The Father House of Tim singing/performing for the entire group with Jim Baker aka Father Yod behind him. 

Here is an early recording of Tim singing a song he wrote titled First Song that he performed in the early days of The Brotherhood of The Source.

Several years ago, Karl Anderson, the owner of Global Recording Artists, encouraged me to put out a cd of Tim's songs that he wrote and performed in the early days of The Source Family.  Those songs are available here http://www.gragroup.com/artists/timgaron.html.

Also, here are links to Tim's other two cds posted on YouTube.  https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=OLAK5uy_lCJ_ZuQdy9CPau-_6krgRf4h93hKd_OYA.  https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=OLAK5uy_lzwmceibDBrZHli5DWO6U3pRza6kXgFkA

Sex That Was Not Magic

I was almost thinking of using the title 'No Condoms Here' for this post, rather than 'Sex That Was Not Magic', because with all of the exchange of bodily fluids that was promoted by Father Yod; it presented a frightening scenario of health concerns and complications resulting from the unprotected sex of an entire group of people engaging in a form of sexual 'musical chairs' where the exchange of sexual partners within The Source Family was encouraged by our leader, Jim Baker, who directed and controlled the sexual behavior of everyone in 'his family' and would continually place people with certain partners.

Yes, Father Yod was continually messing with people's lives in 'his family.' Marriages and relationships were often destroyed, due to the open relationship environment that Father Yod created. Even though Jim Baker legally married Robin Baker in 1970, that did not stop or prevent him from having sexual relationships with any of the other women in The Source Family. So, not long after his marriage to Robin when more and more women began to join 'his family', Jim Baker deconstructed the institution of marriage, in order to live out or facilitate his own acquisition of 'spiritual wives'.

The wide-eyed innocence and youthful exuberance that many of us had in joining The Brotherhood of The Source was soon lost and turned into dismay and disquiet, after being induced into adopting some of the occult practices of our newfound 'earthly spiritual father', who believed it was for our 'spiritual growth.' The most disturbing of these practices was the ceremonial 'sex magic' that Father Yod began to practice. The joyful exhilaration that many of us had in anticipation of practicing meditation to explore cosmic consciousness was soon replaced with trepidation and consternation.

When Jim Baker began reading Aleister Crowley's writings on 'sex magick' and then decided that all of 'the family' members should engage in his adaptation of ceremonial sex----things began to change dramatically. There were two acceptable ways of having sex in The Source Family----one was called *Dhyanism (a word that Jim Baker took and adapted from Dhyana in Hinduism) where the man held his semen (except to procreate), while sitting in an upright tantric yoga position, and was the most practiced 'sex magic' that Jim Baker extolled and performed with his entourage of women, and encouraged his 'sons' to practice.

But, then Jim Baker decided to take having sex to a whole other ceremonial level by adopting and using Aleister Crowley's 'sex magick' where Baker took and adopted and adapted one of Crowley's occult rituals which included semen and a woman's menstrual blood and called it qudosh.  The reader can draw their own conclusions, because that's the extent of what I am willing to go on the subject. In my opinion, the practice of qudosh cast a shadow over the entire dynamic of The Source Family and was the reason that many chose to leave the group, and is also the main reason that most who engaged in this practice, under the direction of Father Yod want absolutely no affiliation with The Source Family any longer.

When Jim Baker made 'sex magick' the predominant focus of his so-called 'teachings', it created a pervasive and underlying sense of coercion and shame among the majority of former Source Family members that, in my opinion continues to this day. That is also the main reason that no one speaks openly about the 'sex magic' that was performed in The Source Family, because it is just too embarrassing for anyone to admit to having participated. Although, those who are intent on promoting Father Yod and The Source Family when asked about sex in 'the family' cautiously say that it was a kind of 'tantric sex.'

But, over forty years has passed and I feel that it's time that the truth and the reality of what really went on in The Source Family is finally revealed----even if faced with having a lifetime of regret, which is what Jim Baker threatened would happen if anyone from 'the family' divulged what the 'sex magick' was that he had imposed on everyone. When in reality, it is my opinion that the majority of former members have a lifetime of regret for ever agreeing to participate in such an unhealthy and abusive practice.  Everyone whom I've ever spoken to who was in 'the source family' along with me, agree that the practice of qudosh is the biggest regret they have from the experience, especially most all of the women.

It is my belief that an unsuspecting public are now being exposed to the story of Jim Baker and The Source Family story as being representative of a 'new age' as being beacons of health, when having unprotected sex within a large group of almost complete strangers is hardly a recipe for health, in my mind. Which is probably what lead to an outbreak of hepatitis among 'the family' when we were all living at The Hilo Country Club.  Several people came down with what was referred to as 'golden spell'---a friendly term for hepatitis. It is for this reason why so many people who were in The Source Family were mortified to see the story of Jim Baker and The Source Family being promoted and publicized that would be put under the scrutiny of the public----knowing full well that the awful secrets and sexual practices of The Source Family might eventually be revealed.

So what began for many with happy, joyful feelings in having found a group of like-minded people who were also intent on spreading peace and love, but soon morphed into something which ended up creating a sense of coercion, shame, resentment and embarrassment in those who were compelled by Father Yod in performing----something which nobody signed up for initially, but soon became the most important and predominant of Father Yod's so-called 'teachings' which in my opinion, began the downward spiral of the group.

The demand and expectation of his followers to obey his directive and perform 'sex magick' accordingly created an extremely stressful environment. Jim Baker's expectation for the women in 'the family' to perform 'sex magic' often with men they barely knew only added to the stress and disempowerment that so many women were already feeling, as if it was not demeaning enough that your only role in life as a woman as deemed by Father Yod was 'to serve a man', and then having the added pressure and expectation of performing 'sex magick' with men whom your only connection was that you both happened to be in The Source Family at the same time!

Breaking down the personal boundaries of individuals, especially of those between married couples is something that has been done in countless other cults, and is how Jim Baker was able to implement his version of 'ceremonial sex magic' into The Source Family.  I recently found this excellent compendium about Aleister Crowley and the reasons and origins of his brand of 'sex magick' for anyone interested in gaining a better understanding of the ceremonial 'sex magic' that Jim Baker adopted and imposed on his followers in The Source Family.  http://www.esoteric.msu.edu/VolumeV/Unleashing_the_Beast.htm

A Cautionary Tale

After spending six years of my life in the cult that was The Source Family from 1970 until 1976, I feel that qualifies me to speak out against the continued proliferation and promotion of either Jim Baker as being some kind of messiah, or life in The Source Family as being a 'new age' lotusland.  It is my firsthand experiences of being in The Source Family that have influenced and shaped the harsh opinions and views that I now hold about the man, Jim Baker who lead a group of people down a slippery slope of isolation and separation from the rest of society by adopting and following his belief system; a belief system that convinced his followers they were chosen and saviors and like other cult leaders like Jim Jones and The People's Temple wanted to remove and isolate his flock to a remote area preferably outside the US which is also what Jim Baker was intent on doing.  Jim Baker aka Father Yod sent his 'sons' to Costa Rica and other places to look for land starting in the very early days of 'the family' to look for a paradise on earth where the entire Source Family could relocate in order to create his idea of utopia.  Moving the entire group to Hawaii was the closest that Jim Baker came to fulfilling that desire or utopian dream of his, but which only resulted in near starvation conditions, serious outbreaks of staph and a hostile reception by locals.  

There are many reasons why I believe the story of The Source Family a cautionary one as opposed to the idealized and glamorized version that some former family members would rather present, along with a kind of religious extremism and a worshipful idolatry in the belief that the letters YHVH are the true name of God which Jim Baker adopted as being the bulwark of his teachings and is the other motivating factor why some would like to promote Jim Baker into sainthood.  So, by taking and using YHVH or Yod He Vau He as though it were Jim Baker's own creation it has become the foundation for some former family members to form or create a quasi religious following around Jim Baker aka Yahowha.  But, my personal belief is that The Source Family was a complete failure....a spiritual/communal experiment gone awry, because of the leader's belief in himself being God where he continually transgressed the personal boundaries of women (some very young) using his position of power and influence as their 'spiritual father' to have ongoing sexual relationships with him never seeming to be satisfied with the growing number of females already surrounding him, but seeking conquest of any new attractive female who made the mistake of joining The Source Family.  It is my belief that Jim Baker wrecked havoc emotionally and often times physically in his follower's lives' that some would rather be completely forgotten.  Besides, it's easier to sell Jim Baker as being a saint or a hero, if his image and memory are kept squeaky clean and impeccable and anything wrong or sordid, unhealthy or misguided or detrimental are either forgotten about or explained away by attaching spirituality or magical thinking, especially if very few former members are willing to come forward and challenge the lotusland image of life in The Source Family.  

The Source Family never did any humanitarian work; we didn't give back to the community or society at large or help the world in any meaningful way.  We didn't grow our own vegetables or even recycle.  Everything and everyone was focused on and revolved around the fulfillment of Jim Baker's desires and directives which quickly had devolved around him and 'his women' where an almost incessant attendance and fawning adoration seemed to be required.  I observed the entire thing play out until the bitter end, until Jim Baker had nowhere else to go and was looking for a way to be released from the situation that he had created and found himself. 

The Source Family became a group of dependent, indolent and ineffectual followers of Jim Baker where he had accumulated a dozen or more women around himself where bickering and positioning were playing out on a continual basis and he just wanted out.  It is a recipe for disaster when a religious or spiritual leader wants to remove his flock to live an isolated existence which played out on Kauai when the entire group moved to some land and set up a compound surrounded by extremely nervous, unwelcoming locals.  Fear set in and what might happen and as seen in other cults a mass suicide could have easily ensued within The Source Family cult compound, because that is the extent of the zealous and worshipful adoration that some had for their 'spiritual father' Jim Baker.  

Following one person to such an extreme that you give up your own personal autonomy where your voice and independent thinking are silenced and discouraged by the groupthink rampant in all cults especially where the leader is seen as a visionary, adept or messiah to me is one of the greatest of human follies.  Which is another reason that I feel compelled to disabuse anyone who wants to elevate, sanctify or idolize Jim Baker as heralding in a new age, and to encourage anyone interested in The Source Family or mesmerized by any of the hyperbole surrounding its promotion to see it for what it really was---a litmus test for what happens when people decide to follow, idealize and worship one person.

The Wacko World of Yogi Bhajan

I encourage anyone who is interested in learning more about Jim Baker and The Source Family, to check out The Wacko World of Yogi Bhajan forum; which in my mind is essential reading in order to gain a better understanding of the 'spiritual' tree that the apple, Jim Baker fell in wanting to create his own 'aquarian legacy' by labeling his own group of followers as being 'an aquarian tribe' having all of us adopt the surname Aquarian and on and on it went from there.  Jim Baker considered Yogi Bhajan his 'spiritual father' and so he is seen as the grandfather of The Source Family.   It is my view that to understand the mindset and belief of Jim Baker and why he started his own 'family'; one needs to learn more about his own 'spiritual' master or teacher.  

It always seemed to me that Jim Baker was trying to outdo or impress Yogi Bhajan either with the amount of followers that Jim Baker had acquired, or with the music that was coming out of The Source Family.  You can hear Father Yod speaking on the Breath track Woman Beyond The Sun that I have posted saying, "Send this tape of this morning's class to Yogi Bhajan.  I love to blow that old yogi out."  To me, this sounded like a man trying to impress or outdo another.  Jim Baker adopted and integrated many of the kundalini yoga exercises that he learned while with Yogi Bhajan, as part of his 'teachings' in The Source Family, and so Yogi Bhajan was held in high esteem for being Jim Baker's 'spiritual teacher' and was to be shown the same respect and reverence as Jim Baker wanted to be shown.  

It is my belief that in reading and learning about Yogi Bhajan, it will give people a better understanding of Jim Baker, because many of his actions and behaviors mirrored that of the Yogi.  But, where it turns out Yogi Bhajan secretly had a bevy of women referred to as 'secretaries' that he was sexually involved; Jim Baker trumped that by brazenly and openly having 'spiritual wives' in The Source Family.  Jim Baker believed that he had surpassed the Yogi by openly having sex with multiple women within his group; as opposed to the clandestine trysts carried out by Yogi Bhajan and I distinctly recall Jim Baker stating that.  They both seemed to share the desire for ostentatious displays of having wealth and affluence, although Jim Baker could only afford to acquire one used Rolls Royce, with the assistance of an older man who joined The Source Family.  

Although the 2012 film about The Source Family gives the impression that Jim Baker aka Father Yod drove around in a Rolls Royce for the entire duration of The Source Family, that was certainly not the case; but was only something that served more as a prop, to give the appearance of The Source Family having wealth.  The white Rolls Royce that has been featured in several of the publicity shots surrounding the promotion of Father Yod and The Source Family was only used for a brief period of time in Los Angeles when the entire group was living at The Father House, in order to help promote The Source Family in the hopes of attracting people with money into joining, because funds needed to support 100+ people was putting a strain on the income generated by The Source Restaurant.  

So, Jim Baker set about trying to attract and bring in more lucrative prospects by 'putting on a show' and making an appearance around Hollywood.  But, it was all smoke and mirrors---an illusion, which is why I encourage anyone interested in how Jim Baker became a 'spiritual father' to learn more about Yogi Bhajan; the man who was considered the grandfather of The Source Family.  I have included a few of the statements written by a woman who remained with Bhajan for years where I found many of the same behaviors playing out in The Source Family.  Many of the same kinds of behaviors found in Yogi Bhajan's cult played out in The Source Family, especially in both men's behavior and treatment of women; similarities that cannot be ignored and give a much better understanding of Jim Baker and the acquisition of his own group of 'wives', or 'secretaries' as they were called in Bhajan's cult.

"Yogi Bhajan may not have been a great spiritual teacher, but there is no doubt that he was a master at acting like a great spiritual teacher."

"In just the same way, a cult leader like Yogi Bhajan cannot pull off his scam unless he captures the devotion and adoration of the women around him. Fundamentally, therefore, all black magicians are also gigolos."

"It was Yogi Bhajan's goal to make the women of his cult independent of all men except himself."

"As long as they played their roles devotedly, Yogi Bhajan's women were given a great deal of status, political power within the organization, financial security and lots of cool jewelry."

https://www.culteducation.com/group/795-3ho/1146-in-the-magical-soups.html

The photo above shows 'the student' Jim Baker emulating/looking exactly like his spiritual 'father', Yogi Bhajan.  This must have been about 1969, before Jim Baker left Yogi Bhajan to create/form his own 'aquarian' tribe of devoted followers calling it the Brotherhood of The Source.

The above photo shows Jim Baker (aspiring pupil and disciple) sitting in front of Yogi Bhajan with a lovely and young Robin Popper sitting off to the side of her soon-to-be husband, before she/Robin proposed the idea of Jim Baker gathering his own flock of followers and creating their own spiritual group.  Robin helped Jim Baker to compose his 'Ten Commandments For The Aquarian Age' contained in the book they penned together titled Liberation, although she was removed/demoted from her place as 'spiritual mother' of the Source Family and replaced/displaced with another more desirable object of Jim Baker's desire and affection.  But, the makings of the guru, ersatz father-figure Father Yod/Yahowha is shown above in training sitting at the feet of his own spiritual teacher.

This photo was taken in the early days of The Brotherhood of the Source which was probably the only time that I can recall where Yogi Bhajan made an appearance.  This was outside in the dirt parking lot of The Source Restaurant, during an open 'family' concert.  Also, I just happened to be sitting in the row behind, that day.

I recently found this article https://www.lamag.com/citythinkblog/yogi-bhajan/.

I found a video titled Empire of Yoga that is part of Vice Tv's True Believers series, and in that video was a shot of Yogi Bhajan teaching a class inside The Source Restaurant where you can see Jim Baker sitting in the background and Robin Baker sitting up front, as well as Tim Garon next to the woman in the pink top.

In the photo above, Tim Garon was sitting to the right (facing the photo) of the woman in the pink, flowered top.  Tim's first cousin, Miriam Garon was Shakti Parwha Kaur Khalsa, the “Mother of 3HO” and was Yogi Bhajan’s first student in the United States.  Here are a couple of links about Miriam. 

https://studentsofyogibhajan.com/bio-of-shakti-parwha-kaur/

This one includes a video interview with her.

https://studentsofyogibhajan.com/1231-2/?fbclid=IwAR17Eb697HWZSluczguw4PWL7fF_e2RG9IPhXaqi8XU5Rl2la5-z-EUwTkY