A Personal Story

The photo below of a green basket topped with an I Ching coin and tasseled jade piece is significant to me, because it was the first 'nice' thing or possession that Tim bought for me, after we had been temporarily kicked out of The Source Family (that happened to several people) and told to leave the encampment on Maui in 1974.  Getting this basket was a luxury item for me at what was a lot of money for us back then $55.00, after having spent six long years in The Source Family with virtually nothing, but the few items of clothing that I had and a couple of books.  Otherwise, I had nothing and never got anything new.  But, I joined The Brotherhood of The Source with nothing, and I left with nothing.  There were no niceties or luxury items available to the majority of Source Family members like myself, who did not have access to money, transportation or the benefits or largesse of Jim Baker that he bestowed upon some of his 'women' and 'sons'----some of whom were able to buy nice dresses and whatever else they desired.  That was part of the disparity of being in a cult like The Source Family.  Nobody had much of anything, except for whatever handouts were allowed or allotted, because; nobody had any money or income.  Although, it turned out there were some people who continued to maintain their own bank accounts.  But, the majority of people just got by with what little they had which only got worse as the years dragged on.  So, I was very happy when Tim and I were temporarily kicked out and got to return to some kind of normalcy in life where you could spend time looking around art galleries and perhaps buying yourself something nice---a luxury that only a chosen few were allowed to do throughout the entire duration of The Source Family.  So, every time that I look at this basket; it reminds me of how important it was to Tim, for me to have something that I never would have been allowed to have while in The Source Family having neither the funds/money or means to acquire it.  I remember feeling such a sense of freedom being away from the claustrophobic and controlling dictates of Jim Baker and the controlling men and women who surrounded him.

It was during this time that I was almost ready to give birth.  Tim had flown over from Los Angeles to the encampment at Makawao, Maui to check on me, and thankfully either said or did something that pissed off whomever was trying to control the contingent of 'family members', and so Tim and I left the encampment and flew to Oahu where Tim went out and found work playing in clubs and bars.  We were living at The Pagoda Hotel in downtown Honolulu in a room with a kitchenette.  It was in that hotel room that I gave birth to our son.  We had hoped to have found a house or a rental of some kind, before I gave birth, but that did not happen.  Tim delivered our son in a hotel room at The Pagoda Hotel, and like retelling an old war story; he would retell the story of how he delivered our son to everyone around him for the rest of his life, because he was extremely proud of himself.

Looking back, I am convinced that had I gone into labor while still at the encampment at Makawao, or back at the compound in Los Angeles surrounded by Source Family members; that my son would not have survived his breech birth.  My son came out feet first, and had I been surrounded by the men and women in The Source Family at the time; they would have been unable to decide or know what to do, along with the reluctance and reticence never to go against our leader, Jim Baker's tenet not to call an ambulance or seek medical help.  That was verboten, and nobody dared do something that would have been contrary to Baker's directives.  I am convinced that anyone in attendance of my son's breach birth would have stood around and hemmed and hawed unsure of what to do, and my son and I would have been at the mercy of whomever happened to be around, but most definitely that my son would not have survived his birth.  The only reason that my son survived was because Tim and I had left the group and were on our own; that and my own instinctive fear at the moment my son's two feet emerged that if Tim didn't get our baby out immediately neither our baby or myself would have survived---that was the thought that flashed into my mind, right before I literally yelled at Tim, "Pull him out!"  Tim later said that he was pulling so hard; he thought he was going to break our son's neck.  But, it took two strong pulls and out came our son, feet first.  I like to say that he came out standing.

Of course, someone at the hotel heard my birth pains & yelling and had called the Health Department, so the front desk phoned the room to say that an inspector from the Health Department was on their way.  Well, I was freaked out at the prospect of people from the Hawaii Health Department showing up, and so with a surge of adrenaline within minutes Tim had pulled the car that we had around to an exit at the back of the hotel and he unceremoniously gathered up all of the bedding that included the placenta and dumped it down the trash chute, before we left The Pagoda Hotel and went across the street and checked into another hotel where I spent the next week or so recovering and taking care of my perfect, little infant son. 

Thankfully my son survived his birth and his Dad was given the unique opportunity to deliver his own child.  I could not have been more proud of Tim's courage and unwavering resolve in delivering our son, and most of all for listening to me when I yelled at him to 'pull him out!"  But, had I been surrounded by Source Family members whose ability to think and act were inhibited by the delusional and misguided beliefs implemented by our 'spiritual' leader never to call for medical help of any kind; I'm convinced there is no way that my son would have survived.  Another woman had a breach birth, but her baby did not survive, because nobody around her knew what to do, and there was no medical help summoned for her.  But, like her and myself, and all of the other women who became pregnant while in The Source Family; none of us ever had any prenatal care that would have seen if our babies were going to be breech.  I guess that I was the lucky one.

Confirmation By Us

When I began to openly speak out to challenge and oppose the often effusively idealized, and sanitized narrative about Jim Baker and what it was like being in The Source Family; a few of the diehard believers or followers of Father Yod/Yahowha began to search online for anything that might reinforce or bolster their claims that everything that went on in The Source Family was magical, wondrous and divine where Jim Baker is portrayed as being an 'enlightened avatar' for the new age in a feverish effort to convince the public that all of the 'aquarian teachings' espoused by the man had been divinely inspired or channeled through him and were knowledge or wisdom that superseded the 'teachings' of all other gurus or spiritual teachers in a stellar confirmation bias or wishful thinking.

"Confirmation bias occurs from the direct influence of desire on beliefs. When people would like a certain idea/concept to be true, they end up believing it to be true. They are motivated by wishful thinking. This error leads the individual to stop gathering information when the evidence gathered so far confirms the views (prejudices) one would like to be true.

Once we have formed a view, we embrace information that confirms that view while ignoring, or rejecting, information that casts doubt on it. Confirmation bias suggests that we don’t perceive circumstances objectively. We pick out those bits of data that make us feel good because they confirm our prejudices."  https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/science-choice/201504/what-is-confirmation-bias.

Whenever a former member of The Source Family has openly spoken out against Jim Baker or the practices that he imposed on his entire group of followers; they are immediately pounced upon and attacked/discredited by the more rabid and devoted followers of Father Yod/Yahowha, due to the depths of some follower's confirmation bias about the man, Jim Baker and the 'new age' utopian fairytale image of what it was like being in The Source Family that borders on pathological.  

I wanted to share a First Degree podcast from January with Jim Trattner aka Magus where he talks about his own experiences and perceptions of Jim Baker when he joined The Brotherhood of The Source, in an interview that I see as a kind of 'confirmation by us' (a play on the term confirmation bias) in what I consider to be the more honest shared memories and experiences by those former Source Family members who refuse to follow or adhere to the scripted, prescribed and approved Source Family narrative, which only presents or portrays Jim Baker in a heightened and spiritually superior way, while hiding or ignoring the more disturbing aspects of the man and many of his 'aquarian teachings' or directives.

Jim Trattner was given the name, Magus, after he joined The Brotherhood of the Source early on where Jim Baker began to refer to Magus, as the 'elder brother' of the group, perhaps because he was the closest in age to Jim Baker.  But, Jim Baker saw it as 'a feather in his cap', to have someone older and educated like Magus becoming one of his followers.  But, with age and experience brings more questioning and discernment which is often lacking in younger and more inexperienced 'spiritual seekers', as was the case with myself and others who joined The Brotherhood.  So, when Magus began to question Jim Baker's behavior and 'teachings'; especially when Baker began to have sex with more and more women among his following referring to them as 'his women', but mostly because Jim Baker was against any of the members seeking or using medical help outside of the confines of the Brotherhood----Father Yod called Magus a head tripper---someone who thought about things too much---was in their head too much.  I witnessed first hand Jim Baker take it as an affront, when Magus decided to leave The Source Family where Baker spent quite a bit of time, during 'class' rebuking Magus for leaving the group.  Here is a link to the wonderful The First Degree podcast featuring Jim Trattner's excellent interview. https://the-first-degree.simplecast.com/episodes/the-source-family-cult-ZWE_Y8UC

Batshit Spirituality

"The key element of the total ideology is its focus on a single truth. This single truth, the sacred word, is the word of the leader, or sometimes, that of a deity to whom the leader is the only one to have a direct line. All knowledge comes from the leader. While the leader may change their mind as new “insights” appear, followers may never do so, although they must ever be on the alert to jump to the leader’s sudden ideological shifts."
The above statement defines exactly the kind of total ideology that consumed every aspect of The Source Family where the sacred word, as prescribed by Jim Baker became all about the letters YHVH, and the single truth that Jim Baker was a direct line to 'all knowledge'; something which changed sometimes daily depending on whatever new 'insights' that Jim Baker had during 'meditation'.  Everyone was expected to be focused on Jim Baker and his 'word' 24/7 ready to respond and act on whatever his new 'insights' were, in order to fulfill whatever it was that our spiritual leader and father figure wanted.

Here are a couple of more statements from the Aeon essay linked below that parallel precisely what Jim Baker created.
"Newman’s inner circle was composed of a set of women known as the ‘wives’ or the ‘harem’, who served as his most trusted lieutenants, as well as, at different times, his bedmates."

"Different groups have different fear-arousing themes and methods: the oncoming apocalypse, fear of outsiders, fear of punishment, and exhaustion, among many other types of threatening strategies. But the leader is always the sole saviour, the one who will lead them away from (or through) the fear they are experiencing to a wonderful safety, to paradise, to a perfect, transformed world."  
In the case of Jim Baker, he constantly and consistently warned all of us/his followers of the threat of man(kind) and the impending apocalypse where only those of us surrounding him would be safe and secure within the confines of The Source Family and where we would all then become the leaders of a 'new age' that would arise amid the chaos and destruction---a fear of everything outside of The Source Family, due to the animal nature of men and the insanity that might engulf anyone who left his 'family' was something that Jim Baker instilled in all of us/his followers, which resulted in many feeling fearful and conflicted whenever doubts arose about whether to remain in the group or leave.  It was fear that compelled many of us to remain within the group for its entire duration.  I wanted to leave The Source Family at various times, but the fear of what might happen compelled me to continue seeking some kind of safety and solace within the group; even after I had become disenchanted and disillusioned with Jim Baker and all of his antics and his non-stop, incessant preaching/teaching 'the word of God' that he was supposedly channeling.

"Once this fear-based control is in place, it is quite difficult to break: the follower’s dissociation and disorganised emotional attachment to the leader or group makes it extremely difficult to look clearly at what is happening. In fact, any attempt to do so only creates more fear, causing further disorganised bonding to the group to attempt to ease the stress." 

"The third element of totalism is the total ideology, or, as Newman called it: ‘A historical totality that has no beginning, middle or end’. The exclusive belief system is controlled entirely by the leader, empowering him or her through the creation of a fictional world of secrets and lies."

"After a while, things that seemed preposterous seem normal."
That was exactly what happened when Jim Baker imposed the practice of qudosh on the entire group expecting the women to perform with all of the men---that was a perfect example of something which seemed preposterous was made to seem normal within the closed and secretive confines of The Source Family binding everyone even more and more to a devotional secrecy around whatever Jim Baker ordered or expected to be done.  I think that the practice of ingesting a woman's menstrual blood was the most preposterous of Jim Baker's 'aquarian teachings'.

IFC Documentary Now just came out with a parody based on the film Wild, Wild Country with a few Father Yod and The Source Family parodies thrown into the mix making for an extremely funny and entertaining show.  I think it's healthy and good to be able to look back and laugh at something that many took very seriously when it was all happening.  Humor is the best way to convey the truth about something, in this case the reality of 'spiritual' cults/groups like the Rajneesh and The Source Family cults.  I thought the few parodies of Jim Baker as Paternius were spot on, but one segment was more tragic than funny like when Father Ra-Shawbard (Owen Wilson) cries out, "What was I thinking. Get me to a hospital!" after he's struck by a car---a scene taken directly from The Source Family film after Father Yod crash-landed on the beach surrounded by some of 'his women'.  Something that was meant to be funny actually conveyed the reality of that situation that many former SF members share:  that Jim Baker's death could have been prevented, and that even Jim Baker as he lay there after crashing on the beach asked the women around him, if he should go to the hospital (he asked twice, in fact), but was told by one of his 'spiritual wives' that he could go to the hospital to seek medical help, but that it would be going against his 'teachings/beliefs'.

Now, that was a batshit moment---adhering to some crazy and delusional belief in not using modern medicine, instead choosing to allow Jim Baker to suffer in pain and eventually die, by holding him to his own batshit 'teaching'.  I've no doubt that had the women surrounding Jim Baker made the decision to rush him to the hospital that fateful day, that he would have capitulated and probably been extremely thankful, after the fact.  Instead, Jim Baker was held to his own deluded and harmful batshit 'spiritual' belief that nobody in his 'family' should seek or use medical help and in a tragic irony died being held to his own misguided beliefs.

I thought the Batshit Valley parody captured really well the extremism and insane devotion and beliefs that many people exhibited who joined the various spiritual or religious groups that sprang up, during the late sixties and early seventies; some lasting into the eighties resulting in even more long term emotional or physical damage to people; especially the children who were raised in some of the more harmful cults.  Anyone who obediently follows one man or woman who is elevated and revered in an adoring, worshipful and reverential way believing that person is imbued with magical powers or knowledge places themselves and their loved ones in potentially harmful and dangerous situations, especially if the 'religious' or 'spiritual' belief system becomes one of a totalism of belief that influences and controls everyone's speech and behavior---it's that kind of spiritual extremism that was parodied in Batshit Valley.

It's good that some of us can laugh about it now, though.  But, some of the harm done to people who gave up their lives in order to follow, obey and worship men like Rajneesh and Father Yod suffered loss monetarily, emotionally and physically or even worse the loss of a child.  Yet, for a few remaining devoted and diehard followers of Father Yod/Yahowha; the Documentary Now Batshit Valley parody is completely lost on them, because a few are still incapable of seeing the absurdity, ridiculousness, and harmfulness of it all.  Instead, a few are choosing to see it all as something great and wonderful that made them part of history, and all of their continued profuse, exalted proclamations about Father Yod/Yahowha or the exclusive batshit beliefs that were unique to The Source Family created by Jim Baker has become a parody in itself.

https://aeon.co/essays/how-cult-leaders-brainwash-followers-for-total-control