The Horrible Secret

Jim Baker aka Father Yod believed that we all possess a soul or spirit which only occupies the human body---a belief found in many Eastern philosophies, and so because of that belief; Baker constantly 'taught' or spoke about how death should be viewed as 'a release' or a 'liberation' of the soul or spirit from the physical plane and should be welcomed, since he believed it gave the soul an opportunity to view it's 'river of life' before it passed on or was reincarnated into another body or even to another plane of existence.  That is what Father Yod believed---that death should be seen and viewed as something to embrace and even looked forward to, and so he taught that death and dying was a welcome relief from this physical existence.  He even believed that everyone in The Source Family when they died would be reborn on the star or planet of Sirius to be reunited there with him.

The belief in the soul/spirit being set free or liberated by death became the pervading belief within The Source Family.  So, when two infants who were born at The Father House in Los Angeles began to show signs of distress and needing medical attention it came as no surprise that Father Yod saw the prospect of either of them leaving the body ie dying an acceptable alternative.  Father Yod believed that the souls or spirits of those infants would make the choice whether to remain in their bodies (live) or 'leave their bodies' (die) to have their souls or spirits reborn at a future date, and so, the normal responses when an infant shows signs of needing medical help or attention were not present, due to the 'magical and transcendent' belief system of Father Yod.

Father Yod did not believe in The Source Family members using any outside medical treatment, and that if it resulted in death then that would be seen and viewed as a liberation for that person's soul---that was the belief system that Father Yod put into place in The Source Family, and that was the belief system which ended up costing the lives of two infants at The Father House.  But, those infant deaths have all but been ignored and glossed over, during the retelling of the story and in the many interviews that have been given in the media coverage surrounding Father Yod and The Source Family after the 2012 film was released. The deaths of two infants who did not receive any medical attention and who died due to the erroneous and harmful edict of Father Yod is something that is severely underplayed, in the hopes by some former members that it will be forgotten.

It is those tiny skeletons in The Source Family closet which is the most shameful and horrible secret of the entire story, and one that those former family members who are intent on promoting Father Yod and Source Family products and merchandise would rather the public not ever know about.  But, it is my feeling that once and for all it finally needs to be told in order to prevent anyone else from following or adopting any of the so-called 'teachings' of Father Yod.  It is also the number one reason why I will never condone the push to promote or sell Jim Baker aka Father Yod as being either a cultural hero or a holy man.  It is time that the truth comes out about how two infants died, because they were denied medical treatment by their parents who were under the 'spell' or 'brainwashing' of Father Yod and his detrimental and deluded belief system that his followers not seek or use modern medicine of any kind.

Somewhere on a hillside in Los Angeles near what was The Father House are buried two tiny casualties of Father Yod's Source Family.  Also, to add insult to injury; Father Yod even banished one of the mothers to a tent on the grounds where ants would soon envelope her infant, because Father Yod didn't want to be disturbed by the incessant crying of that infant.  The other woman whose infant died just languished and suffered in misery, clutching and holding her baby until his last breath.  Both of those children would have been my own son's age by now had they received medical treatment and given a chance to survive, but that didn't happen and their story has all but been hidden, buried or forgotten in the fevered desire by some to turn Father Yod and The Source Family into a household name as being an example of healthy, enlightened living representative of a 'new age' of 'aquarian' lifestyle and values.  I don't think so.

From Cult to Religion

The actions of one man or woman who is seen as a spiritual teacher, guru or master can have an extremely deleterious effect on an entire group of people, as history has shown over and over again.  It is my opinion, that when people start to believe that one person possesses superior wisdom or love surpassing all others, and those people begin to treat that person in a worshipful and devoted way heeding every word spoken as being tantamount to a 'sermon on the mount' and believing that one person to be imbued with ancient or esoteric wisdom surpassing all others----it is a short step to becoming a cult and over time even considered a 'new religion'.

In the case of The Source Family, all of the fawning adoration and pandering showered upon Jim Baker quickly morphed into a textbook cult situation, and where there still remain devoted followers of Jim Baker aka Father Yod aka Yahowha to this day to the extent that some continue to chant his name and believe that he communicates with them from beyond the grave.  But, no one wants to commit a transgression of any kind towards a person who they saw as being their spiritual leader and teacher, whom they came to love and admire so ardently.

I was in The Source Family for six long years and tried to believe in and follow Jim Baker, and see him as some kind of holy, saint-like person, but the reality was that I could not.  I only ever saw just a man, who became convinced by the adoring men and women surrounding him that he was God and resulted in behavior best described in a phrase that I recently heard described as 'a cascade of narcissism.'  I have also tried multiple times to salvage any good or positive aspects from being in The Source Family especially any actual 'wisdom' that I might have attained by following and obeying Jim Baker, but I have found that I cannot use the word 'wisdom' to describe any of Jim Baker's so-called 'teachings', without ignoring and turning a blind eye to all of the detrimental things that went on in The Source Family, under the guidance and direction of our self-proclaimed earthly spiritual father, Jim Baker and unlike some former Source Family members; I cannot excuse or exempt him from any culpability.

Some former members believe that by attaching a magical or spiritual meaning or significance to Jim Baker's questionable edicts and behaviors that will somehow explain or excuse everything that happened and any of the sordid or unsavory practices that simply would not be found acceptable by normal society are veiled or shrouded in mystery to be viewed as being 'secret teachings' or 'ancient wisdom' and more importantly because those 'secret teachings' and 'ancient wisdom' had been magically 'channeled' through a supposed wise and holy man or woman.

Many spiritual teachers hide behind the appearance or perception of them possessing 'wisdom' or 'truth' which others simply do not have, and that only be following and ardently obeying the spiritual teachers orders or commandments, will the devotee or follower be able to reach the same enlightened place as their teacher.  Which is why a few former Source Family members continue to believe that Jim Baker was no ordinary man, but an enlightened, holy avatar who continues to guide them in their lives. 

But, isn't that how religions start? Isn't seeing one man as your savior and the wisest of the wise with the exalted hero-worship and continued unwavering adoration and exaltation of that one man how most religions began? It is my feeling that when people chose only magical thinking bereft of logic and reason and even common sense is how some 'new religions' begin.  A few former members would love to turn the supposed 'teachings' of Jim Baker into a 'new age' religion by convincing people that he left behind a legacy worthy of the continued worship and adoration of future generations.  

But, I realized that nothing that Jim Baker was teaching or espousing was anything that could not already be found in the many books about the occult, Hinduism and Theosophy that Jim Baker had read and then used.  All of the ceremonial magic and sayings that Father Yod extolled had been adopted and taken from another source.  Anyone could have easily accessed on their own the exact same kind of 'wisdom' or knowledge that Jim Baker was deemed to possess----that none of us had to follow him down the rabbit hole, in order to gain any of the insights or so-called 'wisdom teachings' that many wanted to believe Jim Baker was the sole author. What I am saying is this: that there was nothing extraordinary, enlightened or holy about Jim Baker, but what those people surrounding him wanted to attribute and attach to him.  

I believe that many of the people who decided to join The Brotherhood of the Source had already experienced moments of clarity and comprehension about the universe through their own life experiences and from taking psychedelic drugs which can produce profound realizations and epiphanies about life and our existence and especially about the power of love, kindness and brotherhood which made the Brotherhood of The Source seem very appealing.  I feel that many who joined already had degrees of wisdom, insight or knowledge before they decided to adopt Jim Baker as their 'earthly spiritual father', but by him taking on the spiritual leadership that his ego eagerly embraced; Jim Baker soon began to believe he had become a great and wise spiritual teacher and even eventually God.  But, it didn't stop there, because Jim Baker believed that God had instructed him to create a super race of 'aquarians', and so Jim Baker began cultivating some of the young women who joined his 'family'.  Jim Baker's desire to father a super race began very early on in The Brotherhood of the Source and continued throughout the duration of the group which thankfully resulted in only three babies being born to different women, rather than dozens. 

Because many of us who decided to join The Brotherhood of The Source had already been living communal, 'hippie' lifestyles, during the late sixties; we believed or thought that we would experience the same sort of harmonious individuation as found in other communal settings, but soon found that the entire Source Family dynamic revolved around one man....and that was Jim Baker and a sycophantic pandering and seeking of position began where the gaining of attention and favor of this one man would supersede everything else. 

It is my belief, that Jim Baker succumbed to his own egoic and sexual desires and very quickly the early idealism of The Brotherhood of The Source began to resemble 'a family' alright, although more like a mafia family where all pandering and deference was paid to the 'godfather' where everyone sought an audience with the 'godfather' and payed homage to him----some seeking a position of power and favor which created the perfect setting for power plays and exploitation by those seeking to gain either control or power within the group which is exactly what happened in The Source Family.  One person insinuated themselves into gaining a position of having access to the group's finances and embezzled thousands of dollars, before leaving!  Another person began her acquisition and accumulation of any and everything of material value that people brought into 'the family' and either kept/used herself or reallocated to someone else.  The Source Family quickly deteriorated into a cult of personality that revolved around the constant attention, supplication and adoration of Jim Baker accompanied by the squeals of those designated as 'his women' and the chanting of his name.

Songs of Breath

When the entire Source Family moved to San Francisco in 1975 some members went out trying to make money any way they could.  Tim Garon started singing and playing with a couple of other musicians Les Adam aka Rhythm and Alicia Previn aka Lovely.  Like Tim, Les Adam was also an extremely prolific songwriter, and so they began playing and singing together performing both Tim's songs and Les's.  Alicia played violin and provided background vocals.  The three of them would play on street corners and parks busking for money, along with selling jars of honey.  When Jim Baker heard the three of them together, he saw a moneymaking opportunity and on suggestions made by Octavius, who was also the drummer for Yahowha 13 and for every other musical group that formed within The Source Family; the decision was made to add Octavius on drums and Sunflower on bass guitar to form another in-house band called Breath.

Octavius also put together the studio in the basement of the Atherton manse and recorded the demo tape that was presented to record companies.  Breath rehearsed and recorded in the basement studio that was created at the old Atherton Mansion, where the entire family was living at the time.  A couple of A&R guys had been solicited to come to the house and listen to Breath, in the hopes of securing a recording contract.  But, after Father Yod was told by A&M Records that they would only be willing to sign recording contracts with the individual band members and not with The Source Family, he put the kibosh on the whole thing.

Most people would wonder why the band members wouldn't have gone ahead and signed a record deal! You see that is the degree of indoctrination or brainwashing that happens within a cult where individuals stop making their own rational choices and decisions, but rather obey those of the cult leader which is exactly what happened when Jim Baker said no to Breath having a recording deal!  Here is the recording of Jim Baker asking to listen to the Breath tracks that were going to be presented to A&M Records and him talking about that.  https://soundcloud.com/laura-garon/breath-songs?si=206111eb90a34a71aab899ac7f604068&utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing

Tim and Les lost what might have been a wonderful opportunity in their lives, by submitting to the decision made by their 'earthly spiritual father', Jim Baker a man who maintained a tight control and dominance over every single major decision in the lives of the people in his 'family' which in the case of Breath meant giving up a recording contract with A&M Records!  Who does that kind of thing? Who fiddles with and interferes with individual lives just because they believe they are a great, spiritual master or 'father', which was the case with Jim Baker.  I use the term 'father' loosely, because a real father would have wanted to see his children succeed and prosper, even if perhaps it meant them leaving the 'family', but no, Jim Baker did not want to lose control of a resource that he might be able to exploit at a future date.

So, Tim and Les acquiesced to the decision made by Father Yod, because he would have rather seen them singing and playing on street corners selling honey, rather than having a recording contract. Breath performed in public a few times and they were featured in a Christmas special that was done in 1975 at a local television station in Hawaii https://youtu.be/axvf0xSohec (that video clip plays during the credit roll of the 2012 film), and in 1976 they were one of the opening bands for Sly and The Family Stone at a Diamond Head Crater Festival on New Year's Day.  Although, none of the original master recordings of Breath survived and the band just became a footnote in the music that was produced during The Source Family.  A couple of cassette tapes of Breath did survive, although the sound quality is subpar, but I've included a few of those tracks.

I would also like to add that I have never been allowed to have a copy of the Christmas special video of Breath performing Tim Garon's song, Woman Beyond The Sun to have for Tim's son (our son) to have of his Dad performing, because the person who has the video in their possession refuses to allow me to have a copy out of spite.

A photo of Tim Garon, Alicia Previn and Les Adam standing in front of the fireplace at The Atherton Manse in San Francisco, Ca 1975.

Photo of the in-house band called Breath taken in the basement of The Atherton Mansion circa 1975 in San Francisco, during what was the only recording session of the band, who were making a demo to present to record companies in the hopes of securing a recording contract for the band.  Breath performed the songs of both Tim Garon and Les Adam.  Left to right featured Les Adam (Rhythm) on lead guitar & lead vocals, Patrick Burke (Sunflower) standing at the back on bass guitar, Chris Johnson (Octavius) on drums, Alicia Previn (Lovely) on violin & backup vocals, and Tim Garon on rhythm guitar and lead vocals.

Breath during what was their one and only recording session taken in the basement of The Atherton Mansion San Francisco circa 1975.

Tim performing with Breath.

This photo shows Tim Garon in the foreground bedecked in tinsel and Patrick Burke (Sunflower) on bass guitar in the background.

Above photo of Les Adam (Rhythm), Lovely and Tim.

The above photos were taken in 1976 when Breath were one of the opening bands for Sly and The Family Stone at a Diamond Head Crater Festival.  I believe it was New Year's day.  Les Adam (Rhythm) is seen in the forefront on lead guitar and vocals performing one of his songs, and Tim Garon (Aladdin, Hom) is seen off to his left (facing the photo).

Tim performing with Breath at the pavilion in downtown Hilo.

Here are a few more Breath tracks.

https://youtu.be/-N1xdLxHe5A

https://youtu.be/JSE-YRRz0uc

https://youtu.be/98DIT3kgi9U

Obedience and Submission

One of the biggest regrets that I have from being in The Source Family was when I had to submit to registering my son's name on his birth certificate as being Heavy Aquarian, along with not being allowed to put down his own father's name, Tim Garon.  That was because all the women who had given birth in the group (1974), were made to apply for birth certificates for our babies on Kauai using the last name Aquarian, so that the women could apply for welfare assistance to bring in more money for the group.  It was something that did not sit well with me and I was against doing, but I felt at the time that I had no other choice, and was coerced into doing.  But, I deeply regret that I didn’t refuse to submit to that directive, and didn't just leave at that point. I was completely indoctrinated by then, by going along with and saddling my son to go through life with a birth certificate that reads Heavy Aquarian, along with it not showing that his biological father was Tim Garon. 

It has been my intent to someday return to Hawaii for the sole purpose of petitioning a court or judge to correct my son’s birth certificate.  What an embarrassment it has been, especially after we all dispersed and having to go out into the world and present my son’s Heavy Aquarian birth certificate!  Although, after Tim and I were legally married we legally had our son’s name changed, but his birth cert still reads Heavy Aquarian. 

The situation on Kauai became extremely dire, without the income generated by The Source Restaurant that had once supported the entire group and so either Father Yod or one of his women came up with the idea of the women with babies who had been born in the group going en masse to the county offices on Kauai and applying for birth certificates all using the last name of Aquarian, so that we could then apply for welfare that would pay for airline tickets for the entire group to leave the island. I never actually saw one of these welfare checks, if indeed any were collected. I recall feeling a sense of coercion at being commanded to do this, and going along in reluctance with the rest of the women that day, as if we were a merry group, but throughout the years whenever I have reflected back on that episode; I have felt nothing but immense regret for allowing myself to go along with that directive and remorse for saddling my son with such a thing.

Photo above taken outside the welfare office on Kauai.  I circled myself in light blue. 
 

The days on Kauai were very tumultuous and uncertain fraught with an unsettling, unease and fear of some kind of attack from the outside. Those were extremely distressing times in The Source Family.  I must admit to having been completely indoctrinated by then and incapable of leaving which would explain why I remained and endured the even worsening conditions at The Hilo Country Club and The Doc Hill mansions on the Big Island. The definition of brainwash is the following: "to effect a radical change in the ideas and beliefs of (a person), especially by methods based on isolation, sleeplessness, hunger, extreme discomfort, pain, and the alternation of kindness and cruelty.  Although, we usually equate the idea of being brainwashed as something that was employed by the Gestapo; it is essentially what happens when a group of people sit together in a meditative state each and every day listening to the soft, hypnotic words and edicts of someone who is viewed as either your spiritual father, leader or guru. A kind of hypnotic state takes place which induces a surrendering of ones ego to that one individual accompanied by a compliant belief in their words along with giving a heightened sense of belonging or ‘being part of something special." That is what happened to me and why I remained for six years in The Source Family. 

I had surrendered my personal autonomy and individuality by willingly adopting and acquiescing to Jim Baker's worldview or 'transcendent belief system' integrating and replacing it with my own, because this is how cults form around one central person or leader, at which point anyone in a cult submits their own will to the will of the supposed 'divine leader', and in this particular cult it was the will of Father Yod and the women surrounding him who influenced his decisions. 

In retrospect, I realize that I have only myself to blame, though for allowing myself to submit and be directed and misdirected which is why I am adamantly against anything or anyone who tries to promote Father Yod and The Source Family as being some kind of ideal utopian "Aquarian" uber group and presented to the public as something to aspire or copy.  Especially for young women who need to know that Father Yod saw the role of women as a servile, docile and obedient one.  Jim Baker believed that a woman's role in life was only 'to serve and inspire a man' which meant 'serving' a man (or son, as they were called in the group) which meant doing everything from making his meals, to doing his laundry, making clothes for him, giving him foot and body massages and obeying his every command, but most importantly in performing 'sex magic' with him, as devised and directed by Jim Baker.  So, the role of a woman in The Source Family was not something that I feel any young woman should want to aspire or duplicate and that the role that Jim Baker imposed on the women who were in The Source Family, in my opinion set back the rights of women by a hundred years or more, nor would I ever want my own son to ever give up his personal power to one person or follow them in any kind of humbled obedience or submission.  

This is a photo of my son at Lanikai Beach, considered a place of numen, by Father Yod's/Yahowha's most entrenched followers located on the windward side of Oahu taken right after The Source Family dispersed.

I recently ran across this article in a local Kauai newspaper. https://www.thegardenisland.com/2018/10/28/lifestyles/the-hippies-of-kauais-keapana-valley/?fbclid=IwAR2gBgA42seNw1Zk-_DFoP0hj6WHg4IzapuQiBArDewEJP-c1fAD0WQ9JNg

Photos of Tim Garon and Me

This was one of the only photographs taken of me and Tim right after we met and got together.  Here we were in what was our own room in the upstairs of The Mother House.  I had made the shirt that he's wearing from an old fifties tablecloth and embroidered something on the front.  This was in the very early days of The Source Family, before we both became disillusioned with the entire direction that Jim Baker took the group.

These two small b&w photos were sent to me a few years ago, by another former member who had been holding on to these small photos for years and thought that I'd like to have them, after Tim died.  What struck me the most about these little photos when I saw them again; was just how much Tim and I looked like cult followers not only in our attire/garb, but also in our vacant stares---bringing back a flood of memories of just how indoctrinated we both became in our Brotherhood of the Source enculturation where we both became good, little obedient and compliant (most of the time) followers of Jim Baker and his 'aquarian' directives.

This is probably the only photograph that was ever taken of just me alone.  It was taken at The Mother House probably in 1971 when I was taking a young man by the name of Scott Enyart on a tour.  Scott was only a teenager when he came during the day for a week to do a feature story on Jim Baker and The Brotherhood of The Source and he took a series of photographs, this being one of those.  I look rather disheveled and a bit risque in my old vintage housedress looking a couple of sizes too small for my frame, but then after everyone stopped being paid for working at The Source Restaurant, nobody had funds to go out and buy clothing, with the exception of Father Yod's women.  Also, everyone went sans underwear in The Source Family, because it wasn't considered part of an "Aquarian" wardrobe.

I snipped this photo of me from a larger photo taken during a 'family' trip to Venice Beach in my cult 'beach attire'.  A few of the men/women fashioned loincloth swimwear, but I was still in a 'chubby' phase and not inclined to wear one of those.  My body language reminded me of just how enculturated I'd become in believing and obeying Jim Baker's directive that all women in The Brotherhood of The Source had to 'serve' one of the 'sons' ie men and behave in a submissive and attentive servile way.  Oh, the yucky memories this photo brought back for me!

The above photo shows Tim Garon holding his guitar standing behind Jim Baker who was seated on the ground.  I was rubbing my eyes and standing next to my old friend, Michelle Scovern aka Aquariana to the right of Tim (facing the photo).  I never wore either a headband or turban. 

My sister just recently sent me this (very small) snapshot of when she came to check on me (visit) at the Los Feliz house dubbed The Mother House where I can be seen with her and her friend posing on the front lawn.  People's (real) family members could come and visit whenever they wanted.  This must have been summer of '72 after those who worked in The Source Restaurant were still being paid a wage (until we all moved in together) and where I walked up Sunset Blvd one day and bought a two-piece flowered outfit with my own money, because I was sick and tired of only wearing all-white clothing.  That was the last new clothing that I would have, until the cult ended.  I recall marching into the restaurant in a defiant way wearing my new non-white outfit and standing in front of Jim Baker who was sitting in his usual spot in the corner next to the window where he just looked up, smiled benevolently and said, "Ah, my wildflower" which was one of the few and only times that he ever addressed me directly in the entire six years that I spent in that damn group! 

I snipped this from a video when Elliot Mintz came to The Father House to interview Jim Baker for KABC Eyewitness News in 1973.  Anyone interested, can watch the interview on Elliot's website, if they want to maneuver the labyrinth of his website at elliotmintz.com .  Tim's body language spoke volumes about his ever-increasing dissatisfaction with how The Source Family had become what he called 'a dog and pony show.'  This was when Jim Baker was aggressively trying to recruit new members.   

This was a photo taken at one of the first concerts where Tim performed and sang with Robin Baker; something that they did on a regular basis.  Tim was wearing the magician's hat belonging to Jim Baker, who was sitting on the floor looking up in rapt adoration at his newly wed bride, Robin.

Below is a newspaper clipping about the performance.

Here is a YouTube Video of Tim's song Honky Tonk Holy Man put together by former Source Family member Joshua Blyth.

https://youtu.be/5uPdIN5OA-M

     

Here is a track from an obscure album of Tim and Robin singing an Exuma song titled You Don't Know What's Going On.

I also found this link to a photo of the single.

https://rateyourmusic.com/artist/the_source_f9 

B side of single featuring Tim's song Hummingbird.

https://soundcloud.com/laura-garon/hummingbird

Playboy Records was interested in signing Tim and Robin to a record deal and gave them $10,000 as an advance.  Of course, neither Tim or Robin ever saw any of that money, because it went into The Brotherhood of The Source coffers.  Here is a portion from an LA Times article where it mentions the money. 

Promo photo for Tim and Robin

Tim Garon was one of the first to join Jim Baker's group and the first to start calling him 'father', after spending a year with Jim and Robin prior to the formation of The Brotherhood of The Source.  This was a really early photo taken in the little redwood building (called 'the temple') located behind The Source Restaurant of Tim with Jim and Robin Baker.  

Although this photo was torn and in poor condition, it showed a happy and exuberant Tim next to Robin Baker, along with the attentive face of her husband, Jim Baker.  This photo was probably taken in either 1969 or 1970.  

This was taken from the patio scene from the 1970 film Alex In Wonderland starring Donald Sutherland, where Tim is seen playing guitar and singing and where Jim and Robin Baker can be seen sitting in the background, as seen in this video clip https://youtu.be/BslYvlgMGQY.  Tim and Robin even appeared on The Gong Show and were not gonged, although they tied with another act.  I have never been able to find a video of their performance, though. 

My favorite photo of Tim, from that time period.  I believe this was taken during the time the entire Source Family was travelling around the Bay Area.  

This is a grainy photograph taken from a newspaper article about The Source Family wandering aimlessly around The Bay Area for a time; and this photo happened to capture me bending down reaching into a box, holding my son.  I can honestly say that the time being on the road was the most fun, because it broke up the monotony of the rest of the time spent in The Source Family, never being able to go anywhere or do anything.  Also, I got a used flowered hand-me-down dress that to me felt like getting something new.  But, the other reason that I particularly like this photo is because it also shows the imposing figure of Les Adam walking towards me.  Les passed away a few months ago, and was one of the kindest men.

Another photo recently sent to me from my sister, seen smiling next to me sitting out front of the Atherton Manse in San Francisco where she came to check on me (visit) once again circa '75.  Tim is seen holding our son, Heavy.  Tim's and my expression can best be described as somber ambivalence from us having remained in 'the family' for so long feeling a disconnect from the rest of the world in what became an enervated existence.  Jim Baker would warn anyone who left his 'family' of the harm that might befall them; which is textbook cult behavior.

This photo was taken in Mill Valley when The Source Family was wandering around The Bay Area.  Tim, Alicia Previn and Les Adam were sitting around singing and playing when Father Yod came out to read something aloud.  

In fond remembrance of Damian who passed away 4/30/24

Tim with Damian and Jim Baker, in the early days of The Brotherhood of The Source.

Tim with Jim and Robin Baker taken before Jim decided to acquire more 'spiritual wives'.  When Jim Baker decided to do that; Tim became really disenchanted with Baker.

Two photos above were early days in The Brotherhood of The Source.  Top photo: Robin sitting next to Tim in the front row.  Standing behind Robin and Tim was a young woman named Patricia, Damian and Blessing (Iris).  Per Damian, the photo was taken at The Teenage World Fair held in LA March 1971.

Below is a photo of Tim taken in the early days of The Brotherhood of the Source and one of my favorites.

Tim holding our son.  Tim was an extremely proud father.  Jim Baker first gave our son the name Brother, and then later changed it to Heavy.  My son's birth certificate issued by the state of Hawaii read Heavy, until I did a legal name change.

The above photo was taken in Honolulu March 1977 (my son was barely 3 years old), after The Source Family had disbanded; yet Tim and I remained living in the Kailua/Lanikai area as many former members continued to do, while each figured out what to do next in their lives.  Both Tim and I went by/used our Source Family names (Whisper & Hom) for a couple of years after the cult ended, as we both acclimated and adjusted to being back in normal society and were able to disabuse ourselves of the Source Family cult mentality/groupthink that some still desperately cling.

Here are a few tracks that Tim and Robin performed for a demo tape when Playboy Records was interested in them.  https://soundcloud.com/laura-garon/tim-and-robin

Group Photos That I Happened To Be In

Although the person who claims that every photo taken during The Source Family belongs to her; I wanted to post the ones that are already found all over the internet, and where I just happened to be present.  It only seems fair that I am allowed to post and use photographs from forty years ago where I was present.  Many people were taking photographs and videos throughout the time that The Source Family was in existence, although one person claims that every single photograph belongs to her and her alone.

In this photo that is one of the most publicized, I was standing seventh in line from the end, with my son's father, Tim Garon fourth in line wearing a belt and a headband.  This was taken on the first 'family outing' where the entire group went en masse to Santa Monica Beach. 

 

In this photo probably taken in 1970 on the patio of The Source Restaurant, not long after I had joined The Brotherhood of The Source (the original name); I am standing behind Robin Baker, who had recently legally married Jim Baker.  When I joined the group, Robin was referred to as "mother" and Jim Baker "father."  They were seen as the group's spiritual mother and father.  

This photo was probably the first group photo taken on the front lawn of what was called The Mother House, the manse that we all occupied located in the Los Feliz neighborhood of Los Angeles.  I was standing just behind my son's father, Tim Garon who was standing directly behind Jim Baker, also wearing a headband.  I refused to wear either a headband or headdress; something that Father Yod did in the early days and most everyone copied or emulated whatever he did.

This was a group photo taken on the front lawn at The Mother House.  I was standing in front dressed all in white with my hands raised (ha ha ha).

The photo above was taken at The Mother House located in Los Feliz.  I was sitting on the lawn on the far left (facing the photo) in all my chubbiness wearing a dress that I had made from the white homespun fabric that many of us used to make clothing and meditation shawls that could easily be fringed at the hem, due to its woven nature.

In this photo taken during one of the Sunday outdoor concerts held in the dirt parking lot of The Source Restaurant, I am sitting at Jim Baker's feet.  We were all looking at and listening to my son's father, Tim Garon singing and probably laughing at something that he had just said.  

In what was probably the most embarrassing photo to have found myself in, this one was taken in the pool located at The Father House when I just happened to be in the pool with a few other women, when Jim Baker showed up with the entourage of women who followed him everywhere.  I am standing on the very far left (facing the photo); thankfully our breasts are blurred out!  Yikes!  

In this photo, I am sitting on the very far left (facing the photo) with my son's father sitting to my right wearing the requisite headdress looking rather slumped over probably because he was having a hard time staying awake!  For a brief time, morning meditation or 'class' as it was called, was held outside in the dirt parking lot of The Source Restaurant located right on Sunset Boulevard, so it created quite a scene.  

This photo was taken sitting out back at the Doc Hill mansion located in Hilo, on the Big Island.  I was sitting off to the side with my own son, who was not quite in the photo, behind Jim Baker.  This was taken not long before he left for Oahu with his entourage of women and his three babies, to escape the dire conditions of what life had become in The Source Family.  There was barely enough food to eat when we were at Doc Hill, which for some malnutrition became a real threat.  

  This was taken during one of the few trips where the entire group went to Santa Monica Beach.  My son's father, Tim Garon was sitting behind Jim Baker holding a guitar.  I was sitting off to Tim's right (facing the photo). 

The above photo was taken in the dirt parking lot of The Source Restaurant.
 

  The photo above of family members inside of Jim Baker's stomach (to convey the idea of him 'giving birth' to us all) was one of the first & earliest photos taken as a group that was used as a poster for a 'source family' concert put on to promote 'the family' and hopefully attract new family members.  The turnout for this concert was very low.  I circled myself and Tim Garon (Aladdin) in blue.  At the time, Yahowa 13 had not been formed yet, so the only entertainment was Tim performing/singing accompanied by a couple of other 'family' musicians.  This was during the time when Jim Baker wanted to wear a headdress; a carry-over from his time spent with Yogi Bhajan; so family members were expected to copy/emulate whatever he did. I refused to wear that head wrapping and thought it was dumb.  I was not a good little follower in many regards.  Here is a live recording of Tim performing his song The Illumined Ones at the first concert held at the Wilshire-Ebell Theatre, which unfortunately contains some static sounds at the beginning and end of the track (artwork by Emily Balivet). 

This photo was taken on the patio of The Source Restaurant in the early days when we all wore only all-white clothing, and Jim Baker wanted everyone to wear turbans that were a hangover from his days spent with Yogi Bhajan.  I am in the foreground resting my legs on a chair sitting behind Tim who was wearing a yellow turban.  It was always quite a spectacle seeing this group of people all dressed in white sitting around an older bearded man right on Sunset Boulevard.

This parading all of the women around the flagpole was part of the series of publicity shots taken to promote The Source Family and was taken out front at The Father House located in Nichols Canyon in Los Angeles.  Jim Baker wanted to 'give the appearance' of being a prosperous, well-to-do group (hardly).  I was standing tenth in line from the end in a borrowed dress several inches too short for my frame, with my arms raised out of sheer boredom from having to be paraded around.  But, we all did what we were told to do; as in any cult.

And last but not least the most widely seen and used publicity shot of the women sitting on and standing around the Rolls Royce (something that was acquired and used only briefly by Jim Baker) in order to give the appearance of wealth and affluence, in order to promote the Yahowa 13 albums and attract people hopefully with money and means.  I did not want to be in this photograph, and so only the top of my head is showing in the very back, which was fine with me; just to the left of Makushla's head, who is sitting on the front left of the Rolls (facing the photo).  Jim Baker wanted all of the pregnant women out front to give the appearance of a fecund group.  But, appearances can be deceiving, because we were all living in overcrowded conditions where outbreaks of staph were becoming more and more common, and where the stress and strain of the situation was beginning to show on the faces of the women.  Also, Jim Baker can be seen standing in the doorway of the house.